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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Wanting to take unpaid maternity leave by dipping into house savings?

105 replies

Rosemarymountains · 07/08/2023 08:05

I’m due to go back at the end of the year (39 weeks SMP) but after doing some KIT days it’s made me realise I really do not feel ready to go back. I’m also worried about going back soon because my baby has aversions to feeding and has been on NG tube a few times. As his mum I want to be there whilst he weans rather than expecting grandparents or nursery to do so.

I have savings, not much but they are there as we want to move into a bigger place. I’d have to dip into the savings to afford mortgage, bills whilst I take 3 months unpaid. My partner doesn’t earn enough to pay for both of our share of mortgage and bills.

My partner isn’t sure I should take this time off with him unpaid due to the dip in our savings. I’ve spoken to family members and friends who agree with my partner but I can’t help but feel like me and baby both need this extra time.

Can you relate to this? AIBU? Or shall I go for it?

OP posts:
Poppasocks · 07/08/2023 08:07

Could you compromise and do maybe 6 weeks?

lionsleepstonight · 07/08/2023 08:10

You accrue holiday while on Mat leave too, could you ask for 4 weeks tacked on, after taking the 6 weeks unpaid as suggested above? Then you get 10 more weeks off.

Floppyear · 07/08/2023 08:16

How old is your baby?

Floppyear · 07/08/2023 08:17

Could you go back part time?

Original poster
Rosemarymountains · 07/08/2023 08:17

@Floppyear 6 months when I am due to back. I took maternity leave early which I regret now.

OP posts:
Floppyear · 07/08/2023 08:22

We can’t answer as we don’t know your financial situation

but your partner family and friends presumably do - and they don’t think a good idea

mumofbun · 07/08/2023 08:26

Will you be paying for childcare when you go back? It's worth doing the calculations to see how much difference it will actually make. I was going to go back at 9 months with my eldest but found out when I calculated everything that financially it didn't make much of a difference if I did once I included nursery costs. Also like others have said, you could have up to a month of paid holidays to use.

I really didn't want to go back at 9 months but by 12 I was ready, hope you can find a compromise x

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 07/08/2023 08:27

I'm very much of the school you don't get this time back.
I took a years mortgage payment holiday to fund my last maternity leave. I have never regretted it.

HeyThereDelilahhh · 07/08/2023 08:29

Is your little one nearly 2 months or so now? (Just trying to work out based on your post.) the end of the year is nearly 4/5 months away so you maybe will feel a bit more “ready” in a few months. I certainly couldn’t imagine going back to work at all when my child was 6 weeks old and had all sorts of notions about becoming a SAHM, but by the time 6 months came around I was definitely more ready and then by 9 months I was delighted to be able to have a little bit of “me” back again and excited for adult conversation, but still running home to baby!

I am not saying you’ll feel the same, but just give it some time as things can change! And as previous posters said you’ll also have your annual leave accrued which you could add on.

swimminginthesun · 07/08/2023 08:32

Will you be able to save again once you are back at work? How long would it take you to re-save the amount you would spend on mortgage etc? Perhaps work this out and then discuss again with your partner.

6 months is still tiny. I would have to be in a desperate financial situation to consider leaving my babies at that age. Dipping into savings in your situation wouldn’t phase me at all if the only consequence is a slight delay in buying a new house.

Overthebow · 07/08/2023 08:33

How long would it take you to build up the savings again, taking into account childcare costs if you have them? I think that would be a factor. If you can build them back up within 6 months of returning to work then I would go for it, but if it’s going to take you a long time to do it then no. Also how important is it to love to a bigger place, do you have a room for your DC?

Hufflepods · 07/08/2023 08:35

You’ve already done KIT days and your baby won’t be 6 months until the end of the year?? Why on earth would you? No wonder it made you feel not ready. I don’t know anyone who considered doing a KIT day until the very end of their leave.
There’s two things here, firstly it’s way too early to be worrying about this now. You don’t need to have it all firmed up at this point when your baby is still so young.
Secondly, when you do come to it you may have to figure out a compromise. I’m sure your wouldn’t be happy if your partner suddenly decided unilaterally to stop earning for X months. It doesn’t need to be the full 3 months, you could take a couple of weeks and then use your accrued annual leave to stretch it further. You will ultimately just need to accept that your baby will be younger when you go back as you started mat leave so early.

Floppyear · 07/08/2023 08:36

So you were doing kit days when your baby is weeks old?

for the money?

HeyThereDelilahhh · 07/08/2023 08:37

Oh as another poster said, you could look at a mortgage holiday, however as I understand there’s a possibility it can affect your credit score even though they aren’t missed payments.

Martin Lewis talked about this on 5 live 2 weeks ago, so you can listen back to the his podcast but he did suggest that if struggling financially with COL etc that you can agree with your mortgage lender to pay interest only for up to 6 months with no questions asked and that doesn’t affect your credit score. You can also extend the mortgage period length so your payment value is reduced and then switch back to shorter time again. Obviously both affect the overall amount you’ve paid on your mortgage but can be useful for periods like this without affecting your credit score.

Clefable · 07/08/2023 08:38

At 6 months I would take the extra time off and then just work to replenish savings once you're back at work.

UltramarineViolet · 07/08/2023 08:38

There are still 4.5 months of the year left so of course you don't feel ready to return but that doesn't mean you won't when the time comes

Most Mums feel some level of anxiety about returning to work after mat leave but that settles quickly once you get back in the swing of things

UWOT1 · 07/08/2023 08:41

How much A/L have you accrued? I had about a month and took that in full.

Clefable · 07/08/2023 08:42

Oh I didn't see your wasn't 6mo till end of the year! I don't know anyone who has done KIT days in the first couple of months of their baby's life, that's more a thing you do when you're starting to think about the return to work. I started mine when baby was about 9 months I think. I think most people wouldn't be ready to go back to work so early on (obviously some are and that's fine) so I wouldn't worry too much about that, but equally it's fine to get further down the road and decide you want a bit more time.

I planned to go back at 9mo with DD2 but due to childcare and various things I ended up taking the full year, lived very quietly for a couple of months and then when I went back to work we tried to replenish any savings we had dipped into. Savings should work for you and be flexible.

June628 · 07/08/2023 08:44

I’d absolutely do it if you can afford it. You can replenish savings but you can never have this time back with your baby.

UndercoverCop · 07/08/2023 08:44

You went on mat leave at six months pregnant?
Agree with PP you'll get some accrued annual leave. Is there any other way to make some cash to fund it? Work out exactly how much money you will need. You also need to consider that you'll be able to save less than you could before once you go back so it could take longer to replace than you expect

Lkahsvtv · 07/08/2023 08:45

I would take the time; I did this and have no regrets. They change a lot in that time and it made it feel easier.

LittleBearPad · 07/08/2023 08:47

With a 2 month old baby of course you can’t imagine going back but by the time you are due to go back they will be quite different.

You’ll accrue paid holiday so if you tag that on, that will help extend your time off.

Maybe you could take another month so they are 8 months old.

I’d park more KIT days until they are older.

JenniferBarkley · 07/08/2023 08:50

I wouldn't be going back at six months with a baby who had such difficulties with feeding unless I had to.

Cocopogo · 07/08/2023 08:50

Why did you take mat leave so early? Most people work until the week before in order to have maximum time and that’s coming from someone who was on crutches from 6 months because the pain was so bad.

Hollyppp · 07/08/2023 08:50

Clefable · 07/08/2023 08:38

At 6 months I would take the extra time off and then just work to replenish savings once you're back at work.

Same. This time is important to you and to baby

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