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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Wanting to take unpaid maternity leave by dipping into house savings?

105 replies

Rosemarymountains · 07/08/2023 08:05

I’m due to go back at the end of the year (39 weeks SMP) but after doing some KIT days it’s made me realise I really do not feel ready to go back. I’m also worried about going back soon because my baby has aversions to feeding and has been on NG tube a few times. As his mum I want to be there whilst he weans rather than expecting grandparents or nursery to do so.

I have savings, not much but they are there as we want to move into a bigger place. I’d have to dip into the savings to afford mortgage, bills whilst I take 3 months unpaid. My partner doesn’t earn enough to pay for both of our share of mortgage and bills.

My partner isn’t sure I should take this time off with him unpaid due to the dip in our savings. I’ve spoken to family members and friends who agree with my partner but I can’t help but feel like me and baby both need this extra time.

Can you relate to this? AIBU? Or shall I go for it?

OP posts:
bunchofboys · 07/08/2023 08:51

You know you accrue paid holiday whilst on mat leave. At least you did at my company. My firm would pay it to you.

Daphnis156 · 07/08/2023 08:53

This doesn't sound very wise.

drpet49 · 07/08/2023 08:55

Cocopogo · 07/08/2023 08:50

Why did you take mat leave so early? Most people work until the week before in order to have maximum time and that’s coming from someone who was on crutches from 6 months because the pain was so bad.

This. Who on earths take early maternity leave when 6 months pregnant. What a foolish thing to do and now you are paying the price for that luxury.

Totalwasteofpaper · 07/08/2023 08:55

I would take the time.
IMO its what savings are for.

I was/am in a similar boat and used my savings to stay off for a full year. It meant we had to deprioristise a few things like clothing / holidays etc.and i didnt do much in the way of baby classes and all the babies clothes were pretty much second hand. Shes 18m and they still are! But i dont regret it

I wasnt really clear on what being ready felt like but at 12.5m i felt ready and my DD was much bigger / more robust vs 9m. Overall, It made going back to work very straight forward. The childcare i have is great so i feel super relaxed about leaving her every day.

IsGoodIsDon · 07/08/2023 08:55

I had to take my mat leave early with my 2nd I went back part time but I also used KIT days and then annual leave to go back to work very gradually. It really helped me ease back into work only going one or two days a week for about 2 months

Wenfy · 07/08/2023 08:57

You got your mat leave. It was just earlier because you weren’t wise in how you took it. Don’t hammer home the mistake you made by taking extended mat leave - you can’t afford it as a family

Totalwasteofpaper · 07/08/2023 08:58

I missed that you took mat leave so early 😱 were you hospitalised/ very sick?
Although even then you could have taken it as sick leave...

I worked up to 39 weeks hence going back at 12.5m

Original poster
Rosemarymountains · 07/08/2023 08:59

Floppyear · 07/08/2023 08:36

So you were doing kit days when your baby is weeks old?

for the money?

I just realised I’ve miscalculated and he will be 7 months when I return!

I done 2 KIT days when he was 2 months old because we are a very small firm and my colleagues needed to attend a funeral abroad for a close family member. They have helped me out a lot in the 4 years I’ve been working there so I agreed to do the KIT days because I didn’t want one of them to not be able to attend their grandads funeral.

OP posts:
UndercoverCop · 07/08/2023 09:00

Ok , how annual leave did you have left when you took mat leave and what's your annual allowance?

LittleBearPad · 07/08/2023 09:00

Rosemarymountains · 07/08/2023 08:59

I just realised I’ve miscalculated and he will be 7 months when I return!

I done 2 KIT days when he was 2 months old because we are a very small firm and my colleagues needed to attend a funeral abroad for a close family member. They have helped me out a lot in the 4 years I’ve been working there so I agreed to do the KIT days because I didn’t want one of them to not be able to attend their grandads funeral.

Show quote history

That was nice of you OP.

Does the 7 months include your accrued holiday?

MoonLion · 07/08/2023 09:01

The problem with this is that after another 3 months you probably still won't feel suddenly ready to go back - so you'll be in a worse financial situation but the same emotional position.

HaIIie · 07/08/2023 09:01

I'm struggling to see how you already know now that you won't be ready to go back at the end of the year....5 months from now. Of course you weren't ready when your baby was 2 months.

Hufflepods · 07/08/2023 09:02

Is there a reason you took mat leave 2 months early? How much annual leave did you save for mat leave and accrue during your time off?

DisforDarkChocolate · 07/08/2023 09:03

Normally I'd say go back to work but in your circumstances I think some compromise is needed. When are you planning to start weening?

Original poster
Rosemarymountains · 07/08/2023 09:04

@HaIIie You are probably right and I’m probably just feeling emotional about it all at the moment. Our son is NG tube fed at the moment as he struggles to feed (doesn’t want too, basically) due to NICU experience. I have been told they can help his feeding anxiety but it probably won’t solve until he’s older and weaning will be harder for us / we might have to wean a bit older than 6 months or very slowly. The thought of that makes me want to be at home with him until he’s fully established the whole feeding thing.

OP posts:
MillicentBystandr · 07/08/2023 09:05

I’d be going back to work. With DC it’s always one thing after another. There is never a perfect time to go back to work and the longer you are off the less likely you will ever go back.

StillPerplexed · 07/08/2023 09:05

Giving yourself some time off work is the best use for savings. No one is on their death bed wishing they clocked in more hours!

Overthebow · 07/08/2023 09:06

Rosemarymountains · 07/08/2023 09:04

@HaIIie You are probably right and I’m probably just feeling emotional about it all at the moment. Our son is NG tube fed at the moment as he struggles to feed (doesn’t want too, basically) due to NICU experience. I have been told they can help his feeding anxiety but it probably won’t solve until he’s older and weaning will be harder for us / we might have to wean a bit older than 6 months or very slowly. The thought of that makes me want to be at home with him until he’s fully established the whole feeding thing.

That’s understandable you would worry about this, but you took mat leave early and you will have to use savings to stay off longer. Maybe you will both have to compromise here, an extra month off which will help with the feeding, but won’t be such a big impact on savings.

HaIIie · 07/08/2023 09:08

I think if you can afford it only you can decide. But there will probably never be a right time, it's never great going back after maternity and establishing a new routine for you and baby.

Original poster
Rosemarymountains · 07/08/2023 09:09

@Overthebow I think that is what I will do. I didn’t realise I accrued holiday days whilst on maternity leave either which will be around 3 weeks worth. I could do 3 weeks holiday and 4 weeks unpaid maternity leave.

I can afford too technically, I’ll just be dipping into savings. It might delay us moving out for an extra few months but I think in hindsight time with my baby especially with his issues might be worth the few extra months wait.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rosemarymountains · 07/08/2023 09:10

I had a loss in 2021 and it gave me incredible anxiety in my second pregnancy. I took mat leave a couple of months early as I basically couldn’t stop thinking about another late loss.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rosemarymountains · 07/08/2023 09:11

@HaIIie This is what my parents have said to me. There will probably never be a right time and going back later probably won’t make me feel more ready!

OP posts:
HaIIie · 07/08/2023 09:13

Yeah I don't think it will make you feel more ready. Whenever you do it it will feel just as crap. But I also don't think you'd ever regret more time off with your baby either. You just have to weigh up how much savings it would use and if you're ok with that.

Saschka · 07/08/2023 09:23

Rosemarymountains · 07/08/2023 09:10

I had a loss in 2021 and it gave me incredible anxiety in my second pregnancy. I took mat leave a couple of months early as I basically couldn’t stop thinking about another late loss.

This doesn’t help you now, but for any future pregnancies, or anyone else reading this, you could have taken sick leave without triggering your mat leave until 36 weeks.

For various medical reasons I remained in hospital from 29 weeks until I delivered at 35 weeks, and my mat leave didn’t start until the day DS was born.

UsingChangeofName · 07/08/2023 09:23

The problem with this is that after another 3 months you probably still won't feel suddenly ready to go back - so you'll be in a worse financial situation but the same emotional position.

This is what I was going to say.
For a lot of people, the "fear" (almost) of going back and leaving your little one, is real, whatever age they are. I don't think YABU to want more time at home, but I suspect you will feel the same at 9 months, a year, 18months, or even 2 years. SO I do think YWBU to change your plan. Obviously hindsight is great, but choosing to take 3 months before your little one was born wasn't that sensible, but it is done now. I think with interest rates rising along with all the daily living costs (utilities, fuel, food etc etc) it does seem sensible to listen to those who know your situation better. Once you start paying out for childcare, it won't be easy to 'replace' savings.

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