AIBU Wanting to take unpaid maternity leave by dipping into house savings?

[Rosemarymountains]

I’m due to go back at the end of the year (39 weeks SMP) but after doing some KIT days it’s made me realise I really do not feel ready to go back. I’m also worried about going back soon because my baby has aversions to feeding and has been on NG tube a few times. As his mum I want to be there whilst he weans rather than expecting grandparents or nursery to do so.

I have savings, not much but they are there as we want to move into a bigger place. I’d have to dip into the savings to afford mortgage, bills whilst I take 3 months unpaid. My partner doesn’t earn enough to pay for both of our share of mortgage and bills.

My partner isn’t sure I should take this time off with him unpaid due to the dip in our savings. I’ve spoken to family members and friends who agree with my partner but I can’t help but feel like me and baby both need this extra time.

Can you relate to this? AIBU? Or shall I go for it?

I did all 10 KIT days in the unpaid last part of mat leave. That gave me Approx £1600 which was nearly equivalent to 3 months mat pay.

No, but there are many, many posts from mothers who stepped out of the workplace and then couldn't find a way back in 12 - 15 years later.

Then others from people who have found themselves single parents some years down the line, and deskilled by being out of the workplace for so long.

Of course you had a choice - many women bf and go back to work.

Looking after a baby also includes ensuring they have a roof over their head. You’re out of date

Could you switch to Shared Parental Leave (you don't have to share it, so it would make no difference to your partner)? This would give you an entitlement to 20 more KIT days, so you could potentially use those to come back part time, while still accruing annual leave to use at the end.

@BarnacleBeasley thats a good call, I am slightly out of practice and couldn’t remember if the partner had to take some SShPL.

@Rosemarymountains they are called SPLIT days rather than KIT

I did this and didn't regret it for one moment. Savings can be built back up, but time with your baby is never coming back.

I think posters are missing that

the OP’s DP
the OP’s friends
the OP’s family

all think this isn’t a good idea.

Given they no doubt no much more about the OP’s earnings, savings, spending habits and job security than any of us - seems reckless to advise her otherwise

Unless you genuinely can't afford to live, which doesn't sound like the case as you are talking about dipping into savings, I'd choose extra time with the baby (especially with the weaning issues) over work any day.

Money comes and goes but you never get that time back with your little ones.

Top up your mat pay with the rest of your KIT days later during mat leave and make sure you use all your holiday entitlement.

I think savings should not be for day to day expenses. Things like needing a replacement boiler, washing machine, those type of expenses.

So I don't the OP should dip into savings for this.

Just to add, I had a prem baby and long NICU stay, then followed by pretty much all my mat leave being during lock down. By the time the end of my mat leave rolled round i really struggled.

I ended up speaking to my employer and did a phased return. So I started off two days per week, and gradually built up to the 4 days I now do. So you could possible use up any annual leave you have accrued and then see if you could do a phased return over 6-8 weeks or so?

This way, you would still be earning so wouldn't need to use so much of your savings, and both you and baby can gradually get used to the change x

I took the unpaid leave and used savings to fund both of my maternity leaves (after having a loss too) and have never regretted it. You can earn more money but your baby will never be this small again.

Hi OP

Just to echo many PP, it is totally normal to get the fear about returning to work.

Make sure you calculate how much annual leave you have left and perhaps the middle ground would be speaking to your work about doing a phased return so you have some shorter weeks?

Do you have childcare lined up and know the costs?

As a slight aside... if your child is still tube fed at 3 months look at DLA. It's very difficult to get at that age but with the right help you might manage it and that would,s potentially ease some of the finances.

Hi @Rosemarymountains

It's only August - your feelings may well change by the end of the year. They may not, but they may. This is why you don't have to tell your employer when you are coming back until 8 weeks beforehand.

With my first baby, I couldn't possibly consider leaving him for about 8 or 9 months. By the time I went back to work I was desperate to reclaim some of my "adult" self. With my second, I took as much unpaid, accumulated, parental and KIT days in lieu as I could. Partly because it was cheaper than having 2 in nursery but largely because DD's birth I'd be so poorly after dd was born that we had a slow start to bonding and getting to know each other that I wasn't ready to go back to work until she was 14 months old. I paid myself £400/month for 3 months. We also managed to agree a mortgage holiday, where we only paid interest. I'm not sure if mortgage lenders are up for that anymore, and it obviously impossible if you rent.

Good luck @Rosemarymountains. It's a reasonable consideration.

@Sewerdrain the op did a favour for her employer and worked the 2 KIT days.

My child was tube fed and didn't eat until they went to nursery. Peer pressure of seeing the others eating helped them to do it too. She was bit older though. Good luck with wherever you decide.

Will you be ready after this extra time or is it just a phase you have to go through?

I had three months maternity leave with my two because that was the rules then. The difficulty returning that I read from new mums is exactly like I felt, but the kids were fine, and I was fine. It was just a phase of adjustment that I had to come to terms with.

I would have loved to be a SAHM but it just was never going to be possible.

Good luck. Its a hard transition x

@SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress
Agree.

Whats do you think baby would say if he could speak?

@UsingChangeofName

Isn't that a little scaremongering?. I've seen many posts where women are left vulnerable with abusive partners but I've also seen many posts where women have decided to bring up their dc esp in non verbal years and bearing in mind that's a few years have managed fine? To carry on with job or find new?

*financially abusive that it is

What is your works sick policy like? Is it an option to have a DR sign you off for a few weeks and be paid for it?

I don't say this as a freebie but u sound like u have some stress and anxiety about going back?

Perhaps look into this option?

Have you had any more discussions OP?

The general sentiment of it being hard to return to work is true, but disagree with your parents and agree with you an extra 3 months at this stage will be significantly beneficial for you and your DC.

It’s not long too to be out of the workplace and you can save money later, but will never get this time back.

Don’t regret the time off before, it seems like things weren’t straightforward this time either and I’m sure it was valuable to go more rested in to the birth and post natal period.

Your instincts seem spot on.