3.5 year old piercing

[Ireallydonotknow96]

Not my DC but what would you think if someone you knew had their Dc 3.5 years old ears pierced?

I don't think I'd even notice if one of DD's friends had their ears pierced.
I definitely don't think it's worth judging their parents for, unless they're in clear discomfort.

Good post Honeychickpea.

I honestly wouldn’t think anything. They’re only earrings. Take them out and they close up, no big deal whatsoever, especially as the vast majority of adult women have pierced ears. I don’t agree with piercing babies since they can’t ask for it, but maybe the 3.5 year old wanted it done. My DD asked at that age, I explained that it would hurt similar too the preschool vaccines she’d just had and we’d have to clean them etc and she decided against it. In the end she got them done when she was 6. It felt stupidly arbitrary telling her that she wasn’t allowed until she was 10 or whatever because I honestly couldn’t explain why that made sense. I was also told by the paediatrician when we lived abroad to do it before 11 because the risk of keloids increases and you’ll always do a better job of cleaning them than a teen will!

It is a very odd thing to do to a child, I don’t have my ears pierced so would have been upset if my parents had made that decision for me. I’ve never understood why anyone would want decorations hanging from their ears but if they’re adults then that’s their choice. My daughter who is 10 currently has no wish to have hers done.

Like most other permanent body modifications, I think there should be a minimum age. Children cannot consent to most things (even photos on a school Facebook page!) until they are Gillick competent, so I think 12/13 would probably be a minimum, possibly even older like with tattoos.

Aipps for judging, in most cases, people are a product of their environment and culture so although it’s not something I would do and I think it’s odd, I wouldn’t necessarily judge their overall parenting by it.

I personally don't like it but I wouldn't think much of it and don't see it as child abuse.

It’s often done so that babie/toddlers can be easily distinguished as female. I’m very against that - why is it necessary other than in order to socialise them as girls and force oppressive gender expectations on them?

Plus it completely destroys the idea of bodily integrity that we try and them elsewhere. We wouldn't tattoo them because a. obviously they can’t consent and b. We’d be inflicting pain on a small child for our own vanity. this is exactly the same.

And yes, ‘cultural reasons’ is no argument whatsoever. Plenty of ‘traditions’ are designed to oppress certain groups and tacitly enforce unjust power structures.

My 3.5 year old daughter is dying to get her ears pierced because we live abroad and she has a lot of friends from different cultures who have it done usually from birth (in my best friend’s culture the nurses pierce the baby’s ears in the hospital when they’re born!) Id think nothing of it - would assume either w different culture or a personal preference - both of which I have no right to judge. The most I might this is ‘Aw that looks pretty’ but that’s it’

Exactly this.

As for the babies in prams sporting gold studs, they didn't beg anyone did they?

Yes I judge. It's vile.

In the countries that do it from birth in the hospital, can anyone explain why?

I admit I heavily judge anyone who has a baby or toddler with peirced ears. Maybe I just don't understand the cultural significance, I thought it was about the look of it which obviously is very sad.

I used to think it was a bit chavvy, but nowadays I don't really care. Not what I'd do with my DD, but whatever.

Generally I’d say too young but in some cultures it’s the norm.
id say about 8 is right (although my dd tried at 9 then about 13 and older and they only ‘took’ at 18 when a uni friend did them).

Prom I think you have taken the comment ‘I think it looks cute’ and tried to dig a little deeper than necessary

Why do paediatricians pierce babies' ears, it's not a necessary medical procedure? If you move to Spain and become a Spanish citizen, does the doctor have to pierce your ears, if not, why do Spanish babies have to have it done? And why it is only baby girls?

Cultural procedures that require holes being put into babies or bits being cut off should be banned.

Our paediatrician in the US did it too, it’s not just a Spanish thing. I mean if you’re going to do it then surely that’s better than Claire’s?!

@TropicalTrama But why, it doesn't do anything for health and the baby is not giving consent, so why do it? It's a completely unnecessary procedure. Why do you have it done?

I'm actually not sure. I didn't have it done as a baby so definitely not mandatory. My mum did, however, and is permanently scarred as the earring caught while she was playing (as a child) and was ripped put. That probably partly influenced her decision not to do it to me, and I'm glad she waited until I decided I wanted it done of my own volition.

And why stop at ears, why not other piercings?

I honestly have no idea. I’m not a paediatrician. If I had to guess probably a combination of money making, because America, and if a lot of people are going to do it anyway (especially the Hispanic population because it’s more cultural) then better done by the doctor than a teenager in Claires 🤷‍♀️

Oh and to add I didn’t get it done when DD was a baby because I don’t really agree with making the decision for them. I was happy to let her have it done when she asked at 6 though!

FGM is done for “cultural” reason and there’s plenty of opposition to that ( even the more minor versions) and if you’re going to ask an opinion on a U.K. site with a largely British membership you’re going to get the British cultural position on it. The fact that something is practiced in Spain etc doesn’t mean it’s therefore automatically ok from a U.K. perspective.

Depends on culture. In my culture (South Asian), perfectly normal to pierce ears at 3. People do it for cultural/religious reasons.

Well a culture that makes its the norm to decorate female bodies just after birth without their consent to ensure the process of sublimating those female bodies to the male gaze really really early is hardly the correct one either is it.

Whacking a piece of metal through a non consenting human's body purely for decorative reasons can't be swept under the carpet for cultural reasons. Or should we all turn a blind eye to female circumcision because 'culture' .

Yes I would massively judge, it's completely unethical to do this.

Why would it be wrong to do this to a grown woman who didn't consent but fine to do it to a baby? Can someone explain the religious reasons?

Those who don’t see the problem with it, what would you think if a person had a baby’s nose or eyebrow pierced? Would that still be ok?
Or if you think that’s wrong, but think ear piercing is ok, why is it any different?