What makes visitors CFs?

[RedLeicesterRedLeicester]

I’m remembering the thread that ended in tears over a steak dinner. I’m thinking when people aren’t obviously such CFs but have crossed the line.

What is the subtle turning point when family & friends become CFs?

My 'friend' moaned constantly when she came to stay.

Told me my kitchen cupboards were messy and disorganised

We took them out on a day trip ( 25 mins away, took their car as ours is two door)) she moaned she got mud on her car, moaned the soup we bought her in a cafe was too thick, ended up saying "I'm not enjoying this".

Cooked her a roast chicken meal, roast potatoes etc. Made a trifle She moaned there was no Yorkshire Pudding. So I made Yorkshire Pudding and she moaned I hadn't sat with them having wine before dinner

Told me I 'clearly have too much money' as I had bought Freddies Flowes to make the house look nice for their stay ( she saw tge box in the recycling)

Told me "you clearly have more disposable income than me" when we said we had booked a holiday.

To cap it off she got blind drunk and called me a liar as she was picking over an incident from 7 years ago. Got up next morning like nothing had happened and expected me to provide a Full English breakfast

I haven't spoken to her since!

A friend of mine lives in a popular tourist area. A few years ago she got a call from a friend asking if her and another family member could stay with her during a big festival that went on for a few days.
My friend said they could stay with her but would be working irregular long hours that week.

So her guests arrive and expect her to be their for their cooked breakfast each morning, they then start to make plans of what they had can all do together each day and what restaurants they eat in.
They had no restaurants booked. My friend had to remind them that it was the busiest week of the year in her job and unfortunately she could not say if and when she could see them.
My friend met them for a meal one day and they did not even pay for her meal.
My friend would arrive home from work and they would not offer to make her a cup of coffee.
The 2 nights they were going to stay became 4. They left their room in a mess and never gave my friend a gift.

After this my friend cooled down this friendship and unfortunately was away the next time they wanted to stay with her.

@MereDintofPandiculation
with paper napkins that you're not actually supposed to use because they get put out again for the next meal...
That's revolting! The reason napkin rings are considered non-U is that it implies that the napkins are going to be used again.

Nobody ever actually uses them, I soon discovered, although you do get a new one at the next meal if you use yours. It's very Cranford - we have napkins at breakfast, we just happen not to need them. Not really sure where it fits on the class scale though, as they're not British, so it's all just a bit different.

I love having guests but I have started to notice which people ask to come but have never reciprocated. We don’t have to stay over but going over for lunch and a mooch around their local shopping centre would be interesting for us.

Anyone who is pushy about coming to stay. If I say that, unfortunately, I don’t want houseguests for the week of X because <reasons> and they say “Oh, we’ll be no trouble” then I know they will be trouble.

People who don’t seem to realise that they have come to our house and that they are one of a series of houseguests. I can’t stay up mega late boozing night after night for eight weeks. My neighbours might pop round. We sometimes have some work to do.

People who forget essential things then look at me expectantly. I can’t magic up shoes for your children - you’ll need to go to Tesco / Clark’s. Similarly people who leave essential things at my house (coats, hairbrushes, an entire suitcase filled with children’s clothes) and it becomes my problem to somehow get them back to them.

Anyone who makes a big thing of being skint. I don’t expect people to splurge on fancy stuff but when people start looking anxious about doing ordinary things, it makes my heart sink.

I don’t expect people to strip the beds. I’m happy to do that.

So glad my apartment is too small for guests!

My mum’s sister came for the weekend and ended up staying for 3 years. My parents hadn’t been long married, I dunno how my dad put up with it!

People who don’t stay in the rooms / beds they’ve been given. I’ve had people decide to just go and sleep in another room because they don’t like their husband’s snoring. Then I have to remake that other room for the other guests who are coming to stay.

I had this, but it was a child relation whose bed was made up in the same room as our DD. There’s no prior history of bullying etc, mid distance visit.

I went up to the bedrooms to find said child facing a shut door to our junk room. Asked her several times was she ok and could I get her anything. Eventually she said she was waiting for her mum who was in the shower. Dad downstairs.

she decided she wanted to sleep in the unaired junk room and her mum said she could!

Anyone who decides that our bin collection must be exactly the same as the way it is done at home. Despite being told that if you do XYZ the bin men won’t empty the bins and we’ll go a full month with no collection.