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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People looking after children while wfh

493 replies

paws732 · 05/08/2023 08:22

My company operates mainly remotely, so we mostly work from home with occasional office days. We have a lot of Teams meetings for connectivity.

With the summer holidays, I have had meeting with a lot of colleagues who have their children sitting on their laps during the meetings. These children range from 5-8, and they are not behaving themselves either. One child kept putting things on their mum's head, and another was having a tantrum about being bored.

AIBU to think they shouldn't be looking after children while wfh, even if it's the school holidays? I feel it will eventually spoil wfh arrangements for everyone, as employers will not tolerate this is many companies.

OP posts:
GoodTrouble · 05/08/2023 08:25

Depends if they are still getting the work done or are falling behind

SpainToday · 05/08/2023 08:28

My employer does not allow people to WFH while looking after children (emergencies are different)

BeeBelle16 · 05/08/2023 08:28

As a manager I wouldn't be adverse to people having their children around when WFH but I would expect usual workload to be done on time and targets to be met.

I would also stipulate that of a client calls you/you have a virtual meeting with a client children not around then, and if client wants a face to face meeting you accommodate it and sort childcare

If it was an internal meeting and the child was around but behaving then I wouldn't mind this, but that's my view as a manager and mum.

My boss who has no kids and has never experienced the horror of the long holidays vs childcare and wrap around care may disagree!

Doveyouknow · 05/08/2023 08:32

No it's not acceptable. They aren't able to do their job if they have kids interrupting meetings and it's also wasting the time of the others in the meeting. I get why people do it - it saves loads of money. However, it's the reason a lot of working from home is not very productive.

SpongeBabeSquarePants · 05/08/2023 08:36

I don't judge others for it but I don't think it is good for employee wellbeing or for the kids more than anything.

It's very stressful to have kids at home while trying to work and lots of parents end up logging on after hours to get their work done.

I think the kids are better off getting the adult/ social interaction in childcare but totally understand it's expensive.

MumsGoneToIceland · 05/08/2023 08:37

YANBU - I think people are forgetting that if they were in the office, they would have to have had childcare in place. WFH is supposed to be just that not childcare.

My children weee young pre Covid when we were all in the office and I had to have childcare in place. DH and I used to stagger our leave and the rest involved holiday clubs.

Tinkeytonkoldfruit · 05/08/2023 08:38

As a manager I don't mind if they can do it whilst not impacting on their work and it's safe for the child. My DD7 is having one day a week during the school holidays at home whilst we're working so she can have a chill day, she's watching TV, reading, doing drawing etc. But she's very happy to go up to her room and play when we have meetings and let's me generally get on with my work. I also organise days with less meetings for that day. I think age, child's temperament and the kind of work you need to do that day all play a part in if it can work or not.

Lapflop · 05/08/2023 08:38

Unless childcare has fallen through unexpectedly or there's illness and they have to be home then no it's wild that it's seen as acceptable. How crap for the children more than anything else.

Ambi · 05/08/2023 08:38

My company allows it, a very family friendly business. I was allowed to bring my children to work if they were off sick (back when we worked from an office), my boss and other staff did too. I was also allowed to leave work to go to assemblies. I've been wfh since Mar 20, I worked through it whilst homeschooling. As a result my DC are home whilst I wfh, they know not to interrupt meetings.

blutterfly · 05/08/2023 08:39

If work is done and clients aren’t impacted no issues.

But if they are going offline for hours at a time, ignoring phone calls, bobbing in and out of teams calls when a child needs something, not ok.

I wfh like others during lockdown with 2 under 7. It was carnage for me personally and I turned into a monster, half doing my job and half doing mum duties. I’d never do that again for my own sanity (and my kids) unless a one off day eg sick bug or recent strike days. Appreciate it was months not weeks but it was a struggle.

might be easier once kids are secondary age but primary id say not great for long periods of time.

Crochetablanket · 05/08/2023 08:39

As someone who paid for holiday clubs for both of mine for years I know how costly this can be for families, especially when you have no family around.

However, as an employer other than emergencies I think with small children this is not on. There is a school of thought that says ‘ if you get the work done it’s ok etc …. ‘ but it’s just not professional and takes away a persons focus from the work. If they are doing this in a meeting what are they doing when the meeting is over?.

I was delivering training over teams recently and a colleague was babysitting her grandchild, I know for a fact that she wouldn’t have concentrated or learned the skills that she needed - half the time her attention was on the child or her camera was off. This is a key skill area she needs, what am I to do when I really do not think she was listening or learning?

Oysterbabe · 05/08/2023 08:40

5-8 year olds were sitting on their laps?
I don't wfh with children, poor things would end up sat with ipads all day while i tried to get things done.

MortifiedSeptember · 05/08/2023 08:41

Doveyouknow · 05/08/2023 08:32

No it's not acceptable. They aren't able to do their job if they have kids interrupting meetings and it's also wasting the time of the others in the meeting. I get why people do it - it saves loads of money. However, it's the reason a lot of working from home is not very productive.

Some people are able to work with their children around. I'm not one of those and my work I can't do it at home.
But I miss it during lockdown and you hear kids in the background, reminding you that yes you are dealing with humans who wants to conduct these meeting/ appointment/ calls as fast and efficiently as possible. I also had young children and it helped me feel less guilty when my children interrupted me (as a client).

BlossomCloud · 05/08/2023 08:41

I generally don't think it's fair on the children or the employer.

AbacusAvocado · 05/08/2023 08:42

At the moment with cost of living crisis and shortages in childcare, I think it’s something employers should allow/facilitate wherever possible.

It’s a bit like it was in covid - we’re all just trying to get through an economic and employment shitstorm, normal rules don’t really apply.

The alternative is likely to be a lot of people quitting their jobs as they just can’t find/pay for childcare.

EarringsandLipstick · 05/08/2023 08:42

GoodTrouble · 05/08/2023 08:25

Depends if they are still getting the work done or are falling behind

No. It doesn't.

In this case the children were present on screen, on the employees' laps & putting things on the employees' heads.

Of course that's disruptive & unacceptable as well as poor safeguarding for the DC.

It's really surprising it's happening at all though. No workplace I'm aware of it continuing to have these issues, 3 years on.

Starlightstarbright2 · 05/08/2023 08:42

Children who can occupy themselves no issue … those who can’t because they are too young or have spent too many days occupying themselves no .

I worked as a childminder so I could be at home with my Ds but that is very different to office work.

morelippy · 05/08/2023 08:46

I don't see how you can be working and taking proper care of young children at the same time. Something has to give.

As an employer I'd want attention given to the job
As a parent I'd want to give it to a child.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 05/08/2023 08:47

Depends on the age of the child. A child who is too young to be left alone but capable of entertaining themselves all day - eg late primary? - not really a problem. A toddler/ young child who can't be left to their own devices? Absolutely not!

Zanatdy · 05/08/2023 08:48

We allow it for children over school age - it says occasionally in the policy but it’s kind of accepted that means the school holidays. I’d be having a word with anyone who had children present during video meetings though, very unprofessional. I wouldn’t have let my kids just sit there all day every day whilst I worked. An odd day a week maybe but parents need to sort childcare like if they were in the office.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 05/08/2023 08:50

I'll sometimes look after a 6 year old for a few hours when I'm WFH, he's a dream though and will entertain himself when I have meetings etc.

However, I sometimes get lumbered with an 18 month old... he is not a dream! Constantly into everything and have to have eyes everywhere. When I have him, I'll speak to my manager and make the hours up on the evening. I would not have him if I had calls planned. I couldn't keep him safe and do my job effectively.

One of the people I work with has her 6 year old with her a few hours twice a week. They schedule internal calls only.

drpet49 · 05/08/2023 08:51

No not acceptable and it is very unprofessional.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 05/08/2023 08:52

HunterHearstHelmsley · 05/08/2023 08:50

I'll sometimes look after a 6 year old for a few hours when I'm WFH, he's a dream though and will entertain himself when I have meetings etc.

However, I sometimes get lumbered with an 18 month old... he is not a dream! Constantly into everything and have to have eyes everywhere. When I have him, I'll speak to my manager and make the hours up on the evening. I would not have him if I had calls planned. I couldn't keep him safe and do my job effectively.

One of the people I work with has her 6 year old with her a few hours twice a week. They schedule internal calls only.

I work in health care so our patient facing staff can't have children with them when they're working from home. It can cause a few problems as they don't think it's fair that central staff can. It's the nature of the roles, unfortunately. They get other perks we don't.

Rosti1981 · 05/08/2023 08:52

Mine are in late primary and early secondary and I do it, but they never interrupt me and just get on with chilling in their rooms. I book some childcare for my younger child so he has a mix though, but that is actually less flexible as it runs 9-5 so I have to manage drop offs/pick ups etc. (and if I was going into the office after it would need to be a shorter day because of the commuting time).

Not sure I could get that much childcare for my 12.5 year old either, but I wouldn't leave her at home regularly for the entire day either (few hours is fine and the odd longer day).
I wouldn't with young children or with children that interrupted me. Or every day as it's not fair on the children to be ignored all day (bar lunchtime when I feed them). But my colleagues don't really know whether my kids are there or not, so it works for us, some of the time, in the context of annual leave and some childcare provision as well. Like everything it's a juggle!

LKM23 · 05/08/2023 08:54

No it's not acceptable, you're either working or looking after your kids but you can't do both. I'm a manager and if my team were doing this I'd revoke the ability to WFH 🤷‍♀️