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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About new kitten?

141 replies

catgirl1976 · 04/08/2023 18:17

So we lost our beautiful cat earlier this year to heart failure and have finally decided we are ready for a new kitten

We got a rescue kitten yesterday. Not told a huge amount about him other than he was born on a farm etc. He’s about 11 weeks old.

Got him home and it’s really clear he’s not been socialised at all and is t used to people. He’s been hiding under the sofa since yesterday afternoon. He won’t come out for food or water although when I came done last night his bowls were empty so I know he ate at least last night. He did come out for a very short explore in the evening but has hidden all day today.

The rescue lady said not to let him hide and to force him to have lots of cuddles to get used to us. We’ve tried twice and it’s clearly really stressful for him being deaf g out of his hiding spot (I have the scratches to prove it). Although once you’ve got him and are stroking him he’s calm. He won’t come out for kitten treats or toys. I’ve spent a lot of time lying on the floor talking softly to him and blinking slowly at him.

My previous experience of cats and everything I can find on line says leave him alone but the cat rescue woman was adamant.

AIBU to think I should leave him alone (he has access to food and water) and he’ll settle and coke out or is the cat lady right and (especially given he’s pretty much feral as far as I can tell) we need to get him out.

The only downside of not being able to get near him is we can’t show him where his litter tray is but I’m hoping this isn’t going to mean we can’t successfully litter train him once he’s a bit more settled

any advice is very much appreciated

OP posts:
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12
Findyourneutralspace · 04/08/2023 18:19

I’d leave him be. It’s still early days and they often hide when you first bring them home. As long as he has access to food water and litter he’ll creep out to find them when you aren’t there

NotaCFDclue · 04/08/2023 18:19

I was always told to leave them and let them settle. Took mine a few days but then they settled really quickly

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 04/08/2023 18:21

We will be having dinner in a bit so I’ll put out fresh food and water and hopefully he’ll pop out for some food whilst we are at the other end of the house.

I think I leave him and let him settle it’s just she was so adamant and any other kitten I’ve had before whilst they’ve his at first too they’ve at least been socialised with humans so I was doubting myself a bit

But I’m glad so far people think leave him to process his new surroundings

OP posts:
ASundayWellSpent · 04/08/2023 18:22

Leave him alone. If he can find his food he can find his litter tray, cats don't like being "dirty" he will try and find it. If you force him he will have life long behavioural issues. He will come around when he's ready, and probably quicker if you ignore him

FrivolousTreeDuck · 04/08/2023 18:24

Definitely leave him to hide. Be quietly present in the room so he gets used to you, but don't force attention on him.

Once he comes out, a picture would be lovely 😀

JerkintheMerkin · 04/08/2023 18:24

Mine was 9 weeks old but a nosey thing. I just put the food/litter/toys out and let her get on with it without disturbing her. By the end of the day it was like she'd been there for years. Take heart, they don't stay hidden away forever. Curiosity really is a word for cats 😂.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 04/08/2023 18:25

Here’s a picture I managed to grab on his little explore last night

About new kitten?
OP posts:
Gnomegnomegnome · 04/08/2023 18:25

Ignore the rescue, she sounds quite dim.

Gnomegnomegnome · 04/08/2023 18:25

He’s gorgeous!

LovedmyRaleighChopper · 04/08/2023 18:26

Respectfully disagree with cat woman. Nothing is receptive when forced. He feels extremely unsafe, he’s putting himself in the safest spot possible and she wants you to traumatise him by dragging him out? Nuts. Keep on as you are with time spent lying nearby and soft talking. He’ll come out once he sees you as a safe and familiar presence. However as someone who was given a feral kitten as a child, he may never be as loving and affectionate as a well socialised kitten can be. My cat used to make up for excess affection with a quick bite and run 🤣

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 04/08/2023 18:26

Poor thing , he's been through a shedload of change in 24 hours!

I'm not surprised he;s narked at being evicted from his safe space !

Ours were garden born and still wary at new situations (like someone coming to the house )
Time , routine , food .

Xmasbaby11 · 04/08/2023 18:26

Leave him be. We had a rescue cat and she hid for a while and certainly wasn't up for cuddles for ages. We don't know what background she'd had but was wary for a long time.

OnTheRunWithMannyMontana · 04/08/2023 18:26

No no no please don't pull him out from his hiding places. Give him peace and quiet and let him venture out of his own accord. He will trust you much more if he isn't being messed with. He just needs some time to adjust to the new sounds and smells of his surroundings.

stayathomer · 04/08/2023 18:26

I’d agree with you op, easy for the rescue lady to say but she’s not the one looking at a poor terrified kitten. Your kitten may be socialised but is just young and terrified in a brand new place after an already tumultuous life. Rule books need to be bent sometimes. Best of luck op!

ThreeLittleDots · 04/08/2023 18:27

Shut him in a separate room for now where he feels safe. Visit him many times a day and let him come to you, see-

https://icatcare.org/advice/helping-your-new-cat-or-kitten-settle-in/

He's a little young to have been separated from mom and siblings, so may need a bit longer for socialisation etc.

Xmasbaby11 · 04/08/2023 18:27

OMG he's amazing! now it is so hard to resist cuddling an adorable kitten but sure he will feel more comfortable soon.

whatsinanameeh · 04/08/2023 18:28

Let the wee thing hide, we got a rescue cart and it stayed behind the couch for two days except to come out for food and litter tray when nobody was in the room

All the cats over my life have been the same (many!) Do not force an animal to come to you.

It will all come with time, i've no idea what the rescue woman is on about

ThreeLittleDots · 04/08/2023 18:29

Oh and our rescue lady was a fucking idiot, neglectful and dodgy as hell despite being a registered charity, trust your instincts.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 04/08/2023 18:30

Thank you all

I’m definitely going to ignore the rescue woman and just leave him be and keep up the soft talking and let him find his own feet (well paws)

He really is adorable but clearly terrified bless him. I will update and hopefully in a few days or so be able to post a picture of a happy, confident little boy (fingers crossed!)

OP posts:
70isaLimitNotaTarget · 04/08/2023 18:31

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh he's lovely Grin
We got our two as young adults (also jetblack) . He threw himself under the corner table when he came home .
I made my adult son sleep on the sofa on the first night . (Son didn't have to go out the next day so we picked him to stay with them)

When our malecat walked across the room we all held our breaths !

Bonfire23 · 04/08/2023 18:31

3/3/3 rule and yes let them hide, just carry on as usual and basically pretend you don't have a cat for a few days!

About new kitten?
MeridianB · 04/08/2023 18:31

The rescue lady said not to let him hide and to force him to have lots of cuddles to get used to us.

This is really lousy advice.

He's just super scared, suddenly alone and trying to keep himself safe. He'll get more confident soon enough.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 04/08/2023 18:32

That info graphic is really helpful! Thank you

OP posts:
70isaLimitNotaTarget · 04/08/2023 18:34

Do you know that black cats are 12 times less likely to find a home and this multiplies hugely when they are shy .

So Flowers for giving this little chap his new start .

Do you want to share his name (or is he incognito ?)

WWPPSLKD · 04/08/2023 18:35

I've had a lot of success using play to get very timid kittens to stop hiding. Use a toy that allows for a lot of distance between you and the kitten.