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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About new kitten?

141 replies

catgirl1976 · 04/08/2023 18:17

So we lost our beautiful cat earlier this year to heart failure and have finally decided we are ready for a new kitten

We got a rescue kitten yesterday. Not told a huge amount about him other than he was born on a farm etc. He’s about 11 weeks old.

Got him home and it’s really clear he’s not been socialised at all and is t used to people. He’s been hiding under the sofa since yesterday afternoon. He won’t come out for food or water although when I came done last night his bowls were empty so I know he ate at least last night. He did come out for a very short explore in the evening but has hidden all day today.

The rescue lady said not to let him hide and to force him to have lots of cuddles to get used to us. We’ve tried twice and it’s clearly really stressful for him being deaf g out of his hiding spot (I have the scratches to prove it). Although once you’ve got him and are stroking him he’s calm. He won’t come out for kitten treats or toys. I’ve spent a lot of time lying on the floor talking softly to him and blinking slowly at him.

My previous experience of cats and everything I can find on line says leave him alone but the cat rescue woman was adamant.

AIBU to think I should leave him alone (he has access to food and water) and he’ll settle and coke out or is the cat lady right and (especially given he’s pretty much feral as far as I can tell) we need to get him out.

The only downside of not being able to get near him is we can’t show him where his litter tray is but I’m hoping this isn’t going to mean we can’t successfully litter train him once he’s a bit more settled

any advice is very much appreciated

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
cinnamonfrenchtoast · 05/08/2023 08:36

Pancakeorcrepe · 05/08/2023 08:34

@cinnamonfrenchtoast I know, but owners who don’t have experience in socialising kittens may not know what a semi-feral or a feral is in terms of behaviour.

Very true.

It's an important distinction though - we've had three domesticated kittens raised in a home as well as two semi-ferals raised in barns and the two are very different and needed very different approaches lol.

Guiltridden12345 · 05/08/2023 08:41

Sounds cruel but we blocked the hiding place but made sure they had quiet time in a comfy quiet place (utility room for us) where their food, water, litter tray was. Can you do this, limit their space to a smaller room? They do need to get used to both you and a much larger space than an animal shelter pen which is very small and all he’s known.
most importantly don’t worry. But IME the most docile and loving family cats have really hands on families from the get-go. It’s win win for you and your kitten.

IamnotSethRogan · 05/08/2023 08:43

I had a litte black kitten just like that. Would hide under the oven and in all sorts of mad places. I don't think yanking them out and forcing contact is the way. All I can say is 12 years later and the cat likes to sit in my face, so don't worry!

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 05/08/2023 08:56

IamnotSethRogan · 05/08/2023 08:43

I had a litte black kitten just like that. Would hide under the oven and in all sorts of mad places. I don't think yanking them out and forcing contact is the way. All I can say is 12 years later and the cat likes to sit in my face, so don't worry!

It is what you have to do for ferals and semi-ferals (which is how OP describes her kitten).

Yes, it seems to go against all our instincts when it comes to cats but there's only a very small socialisation window for these cats and at 11 weeks this kitten is already very much at the end of that window.

You have to get them used to being handled and touched before they're too old and remain in that semi-feral state forever.

Tumbleweed101 · 05/08/2023 09:07

Our cat was a barn born kitten. She has always been a little shy and is very much an outdoor cat (until winter!). She sleeps in the caravan we have for storage most of the year. She tolerates a bit of fuss but lets you know when shes had enough.

This is a complete contrast to a very well socialised kitten we had who was friendly and settled immediately. No hiding even on first getting home. She played and slept on my shoulder from pretty much arriving and loved human company.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 05/08/2023 09:36

He’s been a bit braver again this morning

OP posts:
Original poster
catgirl1976 · 05/08/2023 09:36

Argh meant to attach a pic

About new kitten?
OP posts:
70isaLimitNotaTarget · 05/08/2023 09:48

catgirl1976 · 05/08/2023 09:36

He’s been a bit braver again this morning

Ahh good morning little cat , he looks like he's wearing a very intricate grass head-dress.

I am disguising myself as a plant as I've heard tales of this thing called "Vet" and "Castration" which might be on the horizon

ADHDDDDDDDBOOM · 05/08/2023 09:49

Oh he is SO cute!

I love black cats!

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 05/08/2023 10:20

@70isaLimitNotaTarget 🤣🤣. Shhhh we’ve not told him about that yet 🤣

OP posts:
morbidd · 05/08/2023 10:23

He's just scared. Did he have any siblings? He should have really been adopted with one or them as single kittens don't do that well.

7eleven · 05/08/2023 12:01

He’s beyond gorgeous. I wish I could rescue all the cats in the world.

Looks like what you’re doing is working and he’s going to be ok. Enjoy. Be prepared for when he walks up your legs, when you’re only wearing a dressing gown. Ouch. Yes I do speak from experience.

ChristmasFluff · 05/08/2023 12:43

OMG, I love him! I love black cats!

Just to validate the 'let him be' advice - I had a ginger and white kitten who was exactly the same. I thought we'd lost him (although rationally it was not possble - but I'd looked everywhere) until I saw him creep out from underneath a bookcase to eat. We let him be and after 5 days of being invisible, he gradually got so used to us that he would sleep in our bed and climb our legs if we didn't pick him up!

He died a few years ago, aged 21. so please be reassured - you are making great progress, and he will be fine!

Evvyjb · 05/08/2023 17:45

My 2 were true semi ferals and needed the towel and enforced cuddles treatment. Carried them around in the hood of a reversed hoodie for about a week... it seemed really cruel but it was the only was, as they were nearly too old.

The younger of the 2 (by maybe a week or 2) is now MUCH more confident with humans than her brother and will come out for visitors. Smaug (the older one) is terrified of everyone except me and DH. But he's currently asleep on my hip.

I recommend kitten lady (on youtube/insta) for socialisation help

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 10/08/2023 06:07

Making such good proofread!

About new kitten?
OP posts:
BingoBastards · 10/08/2023 06:40

He is gorgeous!

InsomniacsWife · 10/08/2023 06:54

catgirl1976 · 10/08/2023 06:07

Making such good proofread!

😍😍😍😍

felinelucky · 10/08/2023 07:10

Oh, look at that little face with the big ears! Lovely to see, OP.

PuppyMonkey · 10/08/2023 07:20

Well this is a heartwarming thread.Smile

ADHDDDDDDDBOOM · 10/08/2023 09:23

Ohhh sweet sweet boy!!

CardiganBardigan · 10/08/2023 09:57

If he hasn't been socialised at all, by 11 weeks it's too late. He will always be semi-feral. There's a very small window in which to get kittens socialised. If you miss it, you end up with a wild housemate, not a pet.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 10/08/2023 10:31

Oh! That should have said progress not proof read. Although I should have proof read clearly 🤣

OP posts:
PriamFarrl · 10/08/2023 11:09

catgirl1976 · 10/08/2023 10:31

Oh! That should have said progress not proof read. Although I should have proof read clearly 🤣

I read it as progress anyway!

And that is amazing. Look at those ears.

ilovesooty · 10/08/2023 11:25

How lovely.

7eleven · 10/08/2023 16:35

I want to give him a squeeze 🥰