About new kitten?

[catgirl1976]

So we lost our beautiful cat earlier this year to heart failure and have finally decided we are ready for a new kitten

We got a rescue kitten yesterday. Not told a huge amount about him other than he was born on a farm etc. He’s about 11 weeks old.

Got him home and it’s really clear he’s not been socialised at all and is t used to people. He’s been hiding under the sofa since yesterday afternoon. He won’t come out for food or water although when I came done last night his bowls were empty so I know he ate at least last night. He did come out for a very short explore in the evening but has hidden all day today.

The rescue lady said not to let him hide and to force him to have lots of cuddles to get used to us. We’ve tried twice and it’s clearly really stressful for him being deaf g out of his hiding spot (I have the scratches to prove it). Although once you’ve got him and are stroking him he’s calm. He won’t come out for kitten treats or toys. I’ve spent a lot of time lying on the floor talking softly to him and blinking slowly at him.

My previous experience of cats and everything I can find on line says leave him alone but the cat rescue woman was adamant.

AIBU to think I should leave him alone (he has access to food and water) and he’ll settle and coke out or is the cat lady right and (especially given he’s pretty much feral as far as I can tell) we need to get him out.

The only downside of not being able to get near him is we can’t show him where his litter tray is but I’m hoping this isn’t going to mean we can’t successfully litter train him once he’s a bit more settled

any advice is very much appreciated

Honestly i get pissed off with cat rescues. They only ever really get semi feral kittens (born to feral mothers), have them in rescue centres or foster homes where there are too many cats for them to get sufficient human attention to get well socialised at a young enough age, and then often don't adopt them out young enough for them to get properly socialised - its more effective at 8 or 9 weeks than 11/12. They also often aren't open about the semi feral background of the kittens - a kitten learns some socialisation from seeing its mother interact with humans and kittens from feral mothers do not get this.

We have had a rescue cat from a well regarded local rescue. Timid, they lied about her age & she's older than they said. Tolerates us (and the kids) but mostly does her own thing. Gets stressed at the drop of a hat.

Vs a cat gifted by a friend of a neighbour. 9 weeks old. From a family home with children & was very well socialised from birth. Was happily being fussed over by our kids, sleeping in their laps etc within a day of coming home. Loves and seeks out the whole family.

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I LOVE black cats - they’re my favourite.

Three days ago l got a new kitten .. she's 8 weeks.. First two days she hid under the sofa l left her.. vets reccomend this.. dont force to come out or cuddle

.. didn't eat..or anything. came down this morning she had eaten and been in her tray and was fast asleep on the blanket on the sofa.. l sat down and she came to me and laid on me.. let me cuddle her.. she's played.. explored and slept and came to me a few times.. this is all normal.. they have to get use to their new surroundings.. only let them explore one or two rooms at a time.. keep the tray away from the food. TULIP

We had this with our two, who were born on a farm and lived separate to the humans! They lived under our built in kitchen cabinets for tens days. Food and water left out overnight was eaten so we moved the bowls gradually further away and after two weeks they could be tempted out by "fishy on a stick" game. I would sit on the floor and play then they would retreat....by Week 4 no more hiding but more exploring etc

They are now 5 and daft as brushes and almost too social!!!! Pic of daft boy cat Percy attached

Here is Tulip.

Life long cat owner and I have had a couple of timid kittens in my time. You need to give him time, definitely do not force interactions. I would also suggest that just one person is around him, that is confine him to one room and one person sit in that room with him quietly, reading or something and let him come out in his own time, when he does play with him gently, one of those cat toys like feather on a stick will probably get him interacting.

We got a kitten who had a similar background to yours and the person who found them on the farm gave us the same advice.

Every day, we'd speak to him, while he was hiding, so he'd get used to our voices. We (although mostly me) also did the forced handling and, like yours, he hated it - until he was in your arms and being petted. We used to have to wrap him in a small blanket, then I'd cuddle him close and scratch his ears and head (the only bits I could reach), just for a wee bit, never for long. I'll never forget the hissing, spitting monster that he was.
All my experience with cats told me that we were doing the wrong thing, that we should leave him to come to us, but his rescuer was insistent and she was right. He needed to be handled. I spoke with our vet and she agreed. Socialising feral and semi-feral kittens is different from handling 'normal' kittens. While it felt cruel at the time (and we struggled), we've now got a beautiful mini-panther whose favourite spot is cuddled into my chest - exactly where I held him as a kitten.
I've attached a photo of how our wild kitten has turned out - this is what I wake up most mornings😹

Some gorgeous kitties on here and some really helpful advice

he came out when we left the room for dinner (DS set his iPad up to record). So hopefully that’s a good sign that he’s getting a bit braver with his surroundings just not us…I’m going to give him a bit longer (few days) to settle but if not will try the techniques for feral kittens that have been shared so that he doesn’t go over the socialisation window

@DangerFrog ·
He is lovely there is something so majestic about a cat sprawled on the bed you think he is sleeping but his ears are on Alert .

Our Female pretty much owns the house but doesn't come into our room. Our Male lies on the bed during the day listening to birds through the window .

They have their favourites and I have to declare I am not counted in that number . Male Cat gives me a look that says "Don't touch me . I did not invite you" but he's over DD like a rash .

I bloody picked them too , you;d think the little blighters would be a teeny bit grateful , no?

Definitely leave him alone and just sit in the room with him. We had one like this she's still a bit nervous (but was older 8 months teen age mum! ) when we got her. RSPCA advices was keep to one room , places to hide and be high up. Sit in the room and be there but wait for her to come out then minimal interaction no eye contact. Ot took a couple of weeks. Now with family she's fine! Her daughter who we also took is more outgoing.

He’s come out! We are all sitting so still and quietly

Yay. Just chat to each other in quiet low voices.

I'd also totally disagree with the advice to get a second if focussed on this cat being a well socialised pet.

If you do, you run the risk that it bonds/attaches to the other kitten, not to you, and unless its a well socialised non feral kitten thats been handled/around humans a lot, the second kitten won't help the first trust you. Everyone i know who's adopted sibling cats, the cats prefer each other to the people as kittens and don't make especially affectionate pets.

Longer term, adult cats often prefer to live alone and there's no guarantee two adults will live peaceably together - they often don't. Cats do not get "lonely".

At already 11 weeks you cannot wait a few days - its already very late to be socialising a kitten. By 12 weeks its getting too late. You need to work now to get it well socialised and its still unlikely to be as friendly/social as a cat mothered by a domestic cat living with humans and exposed to lots of positive human interaction from birth.

I agree, you’re outside the socialisation window at 11 weeks already but it can be done.

Give him a couple of days and if he isn’t coming out then go with bringing him out for cuddles even if it feels mean.

Poor little sod, he's had so many changes in his short life. He's very lovely 💕

I'd get him into a small room with not too many hiding places (and nowhere he can get stuck- from experience!), and sit in there reading quietly. Have toys to hand that you can wiggle etc without it being obvious it's you moving them. We have a variety of soft things on sticks for kittens.

Forcing him to have cuddles is likely to have the opposite effect to the one you want, but being quiet and patient will usually work wonders. Good luck!

He’s had a really good explore, jumped on the sofa and had a good look at us all. He’s gone back under the sofa now but it feels like a big step forward

That is a big step! And great progress.

Aw, that's fab news. Sounds like a curious and confident little thing. But I'd still stick with the occasional cuddle - no matter how mean it feels. Farm cats are generally semi-feral; they don't have the same experiences and human interaction as other kittens so they need different treatment.

The good news is that you should see results quickly. You know he likes being petted, you just need him to learn how to overcome his natural instinct of being afraid of you. Good luck!

he is gorgeous. He’ll settle it’s just all so new and scary right now. If you’re on Facebook have a look at Atticus the attic cat page. A feral cat that was discovered in someone’s loft who took weeks to come round. He’s very settled now

He's just left his siblings and mum. He's a baby, in a new place, with new sounds and sights. Let him settle in. Do NOT force him out of his safe places. The woman is an idiot.

Shelters/rescues will often say its best for cats to stay with mum/siblings until 12-16 weeks for "cat socialisation" etc.

This works well for pet kittens when mum is a domesticated, well socialised family pet and the litter are living in a family home with daily handling, children around etc, vet visits etc.

It does not work well when mum is a terrified feral or semi feral cat, and the litter are living in a rescue or over crowded foster home with often 10 plus cats and a single volunteer who simply can't give them enough attention. What you then get is a nervy, poorly socialised cat, who never quite loves human attention - perhaps only ever gets comfortable with one or two family members but won't let kids near them, won't sit on the sofa if a human is on it, is petrified of the vet/pet carrier.

If the mother cat is a feral or semi feral living in a rescue, it makes for a better socialised pet to rehome to a family home at around 8 weeks once the kitten is fully weaned. That way it will get loads of human socialisation just when its an age to explore and enjoy it.

Awww

What a cutie. Definitely leave him. When we brought our rescue home she hid inside our brand new sofa! It took a couple of days but now she rules the roost. We thought she had got out of the house at one point as she totally disappeared & we checked everywhere for her but she had just found another safe spot and came out when she was feeling brave. Seems they can squeeze into the smallest spaces. Don't worry. You will soon be a kitten slave.

Aw, I know I'm honoured to be the Chosen One! The kids laugh- they generally feed him and DH gives him treats but I'm the one he cuddles into. And walks over. And climbs over.
From the hissy, spitty bundle of fur that I collected 2 years ago - he's such a softie now. He's not perfectly socialised, still won't go near strangers and can be skittish if there's loud noises, but loves belly rubs and is happy for the kids to carry him about.