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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About new kitten?

141 replies

catgirl1976 · 04/08/2023 18:17

So we lost our beautiful cat earlier this year to heart failure and have finally decided we are ready for a new kitten

We got a rescue kitten yesterday. Not told a huge amount about him other than he was born on a farm etc. He’s about 11 weeks old.

Got him home and it’s really clear he’s not been socialised at all and is t used to people. He’s been hiding under the sofa since yesterday afternoon. He won’t come out for food or water although when I came done last night his bowls were empty so I know he ate at least last night. He did come out for a very short explore in the evening but has hidden all day today.

The rescue lady said not to let him hide and to force him to have lots of cuddles to get used to us. We’ve tried twice and it’s clearly really stressful for him being deaf g out of his hiding spot (I have the scratches to prove it). Although once you’ve got him and are stroking him he’s calm. He won’t come out for kitten treats or toys. I’ve spent a lot of time lying on the floor talking softly to him and blinking slowly at him.

My previous experience of cats and everything I can find on line says leave him alone but the cat rescue woman was adamant.

AIBU to think I should leave him alone (he has access to food and water) and he’ll settle and coke out or is the cat lady right and (especially given he’s pretty much feral as far as I can tell) we need to get him out.

The only downside of not being able to get near him is we can’t show him where his litter tray is but I’m hoping this isn’t going to mean we can’t successfully litter train him once he’s a bit more settled

any advice is very much appreciated

OP posts:
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12
Itsallsostressful · 04/08/2023 21:50

Follow Fairy Cat Mother on Twitter (or X). Frankie fosters kittens kittens and might give some good ideas 🐱🐈

Helenahandkart · 04/08/2023 22:01

My new kitten hid for ages. Every night we heard him come out and walk up and down the piano keys. He got brave enough to come out and meet us eventually.
In my experience kittens are really good at finding their litter trays, even if they haven’t used them before.
The rescue lady is talking nonsense. Your kitten will make friends with you in their own good time.

YoDood · 04/08/2023 22:05

Try putting melted butter on the backs of your hands and the tops of your feet.

If he gets close enough to you he’ll form a positive association between you and the smell and may want to lick you.

Worked for a nervous kitten I had years ago. And all of my cats started out nervy - it’s very normal :)

fantasmasgoria1 · 04/08/2023 22:05

He is an absolute beauty!!!!

Yarnorama · 04/08/2023 22:09

If the rescue are advising OP to do what is typical advice for socialising feral/semi-feral kittens, there's probably a really good reason for that. The rescue woman isn't stupid or an idiot or whatever other names are being chucked at her, and she knows the kitten's needs better that any of us posting here.

ladyvivienne · 04/08/2023 22:13

He needs his own room.

AffIt · 04/08/2023 22:15

Sounds like your woman might have been thinking of the 'feral window' for socialisation.

That's a very narrow period between about 2-6 weeks and ordinarily applies to hand-rearing orphaned or abandoned ferals.

Just give the wee guy time and I'm sure he'll be grand.

DumpedByText · 04/08/2023 22:16

I've got a kitten who was completely feral. He was on a farm with 7 other kittens that needed homes.

He was very spicy when he arrived, hissed and wouldn't come near us and was difficult to handle. We just fed him, put toys out and left him alone. We carried on as normal so he got used to noise.

A week later he was sat on my chest purring away, nestling into my neck and was very affectionate. He's now an adorable 1 year old and loves cuddles! So I'm sure your kitten will come around and love you all!

About new kitten?
Estelle74uk · 04/08/2023 22:24

Our first black cat was called Smeagol, Meags for short 🐈‍⬛

AlmostAJillSandwich · 04/08/2023 22:29

Awww
i would absolutely love an all black male kitten if circumstance ever allows

purser25 · 04/08/2023 22:29

A vet once said to me it is important to talk to your kittens as much as possible and handle them in their early days that way you have a sociable cat. All ours have been sociable and he said that was why. I also heard our local cat rescue say this to a family who had adopted two at about 11 weeks she said you must talk to them and socialise them. At a lot of cat rescues have socialises who sit in the pens with the cats. We have cuddle monsters not had a kitten recently as we have adopted cats of about 5 as we have an elderly Mother and a kitten would be dangerous

Emmamoo89 · 04/08/2023 22:42

He's gorgeous 😍

cinzanoandcoke · 04/08/2023 22:51

Aw, he's a cutie!!!! We have had farm cats before. Agree with PPs ... leave him to acclimate. However they do need to get used to people. So e.g, leave toys out for them to explore on their own it don't expect them to play when you wave them around. Go into the room and talk, put away laundry etc, but don't drag them out of under the bed for a cuddle. If you do at home yoga do it in the room. If you walk in and they're eating or using the litter tray walk straight out!! They will get there.

Lilyjfree · 04/08/2023 23:06

Definitely follow the rescuers advice. You really do need to keep the interaction with the kitten up, it’s the way to ensure that he domesticates. We recently had older feral kittens in where I volunteer, one of them came round fairly quickly, but the sibling didn’t. He would hiss and freak if you tried to get near him. We had to wrap him in a towel and sit with him on our laps. It took weeks but eventually he started purring and the towel was no longer needed.

We are very open with our adopters and ensure they fully understand the continuing training these kittens need. Without the consistency in those early days, they can really regress and then domesticating an older kitten is quite a bit more difficult, especially if they have learned how to swipe and bite. A semi feral is often worse than a full feral (full ferals will run when they feel threatened, whereas semi ferals will stand their ground more).

Have to say though some of the best cats we have at the rescue are former ferals. I especially love it when a much older feral finally realises we are good to them and comes to us for cuddles. We’ve had complete ferals domesticate into lap cats, but we are lucky that we have the space and environment at our rescue to allow the cats to do as they want. Some turn domestic and some never do.

congratulations on your new family member, keep up the interaction and fingers crossed he turns into a soppy kitty soon.

BackAgainstWall · 04/08/2023 23:45

You were given ridiculous advice by the woman at the rescue centre.

Definitely do not force him out.
Leave him be.

Speak to him very gently.

Give him time.

He Will come to you in his own time.
Be patient he will get there.

tictactoe1234 · 05/08/2023 00:29

I would leave him to come out in his own time

Don't force him

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 05/08/2023 07:42

BackAgainstWall · 04/08/2023 23:45

You were given ridiculous advice by the woman at the rescue centre.

Definitely do not force him out.
Leave him be.

Speak to him very gently.

Give him time.

He Will come to you in his own time.
Be patient he will get there.

She was not given ridiculous advice - she was given excellent advice.

We're not talking about a domesticated kitten raised in a nice family home who's just a bit nervous - this kitten is semi feral, and there is an incredibly short window of socialisation to get them used to humans before it's too late. At 11 weeks old, this kitten is right at the very edge of that window.

You can't treat semi-ferals in the same way you treat domesticated cats. They're a very different kettle of fish and when they're kittens you have to ignore the hissing, spitting and growling and keep socialising them, no matter how "wrong" it feels.

Our most recent semi feral was a hissy, spitty mess when we got him - but we ignored him and picked him and socialised him anyway. He's thirteen weeks old now and absolutely fantastic.

ADHDDDDDDDBOOM · 05/08/2023 07:53

OP I've done the kitten thing 3 times in the last 18 months.

They always hide in the first few days.

Jazzybean · 05/08/2023 08:03

When we first bought DKitten home (at 8 weeks) he spent about 48 hours behind the sofa. He’s currently fast asleep on top of me, after spending his morning being wrapped up in s blanket by small children, so I don’t think letting him get on with it and settle in on his own terms has done any harm!

Pancakeorcrepe · 05/08/2023 08:10

He is gorgeous! I’m a fosterer specialising in nervous cats. Definitely let him hide so he feels comfortable. Entice him out with play, this is a great way to bond too. And of course, plenty of delicious morsels. Have you tried slices of chicken? They go mad over the smell.

Pancakeorcrepe · 05/08/2023 08:15

@cinnamonfrenchtoast you are correct about the advice for semi-feral and feral kittens, but I would say just because he has been born in a barn/farm, that doesn’t mean he is semi-feral or feral. It seems the kitten is coming out now which is great news 🐱

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 05/08/2023 08:23

Pancakeorcrepe · 05/08/2023 08:15

@cinnamonfrenchtoast you are correct about the advice for semi-feral and feral kittens, but I would say just because he has been born in a barn/farm, that doesn’t mean he is semi-feral or feral. It seems the kitten is coming out now which is great news 🐱

OP herself describes him as semi feral.

IamfeelingConfused · 05/08/2023 08:24

I would move one of those feather toys around it’s likely he won’t be able to resist trying to swat it

Purrrrrdy · 05/08/2023 08:26

I've gentled many unsocialised kittens and always just leave them to it at the start, then slowly building up contact. Rescue lady is very wrong.

Pancakeorcrepe · 05/08/2023 08:34

@cinnamonfrenchtoast I know, but owners who don’t have experience in socialising kittens may not know what a semi-feral or a feral is in terms of behaviour.