To NOT want to go holiday

[VinoVeritas1]

My DH and my oldest son are currently in France staying with my parents in their house - I've stayed behind this week with the little one, as the weather forecast was non-stop rain where they are this first week and because of it's rural location, it would be very very difficult to keep the small one occupied - think an isolated farmhouse with one or two cottages nearby and nothing within walking distance - nearest swimming pool for example is a 45 min drive. So I opted to remain at home for the first week whilst the bigger ones go.

I'm due to join them on Monday - but I still don't want to leave here! I enjoy being in my home, doing nice day trips locally with the little one, and I don't want the hassle of having to drive to Dover, catch a fucking ferry, drive to the house, which is old and rambling, has no hot water (usually end up having to heat fucking saucepans on the stove for kids' baths.) It sounds like a rural idyll and it can be - I used to love it before I had kids but honestly, now i'm in mummy-mode I hate the whole hassle of it. My eldest is just approaching an age where he can enjoy a bigger adventure but i'd rather not go and stay at home, where everything sodding well works and I can control my environment. If I'm honest it's also quite nice not to have DH and the older one around - I've got the house to myself, I can keep the house tidy and I like not having them around me dominating the space all the time. Peace and quiet.

I feel I'm only going to please everyone else - my parents are already annoyed that I cancelled the first week out there - they think I was rude to do so and think the family need to be together all the fucking time - I'm far happier on my own here with the younger one. Fed up being dictated too - I wish they'd all just bugger off actually - i'm stressed just thinking about it. But if I don't go out there they'll be more drama - "see, I knew you'd bale out" etc etc

AIBU for NOT wanting to go on holiday???

YANBU! Please yourself, I would.

I think if your parents have invited you and presumably not seen you for a while then it would be rude to not go at all. You accepted their invitation and it isn’t their fault the weather is bad. As long as you have a car then 45 minutes to go swimming seems worth it.

I wouldn't go.

Honestly if i was on holiday with DH's parents and he opted to stay home and not join us as planned, I'd be fuming. Does he get on well with them?

It doesn't sound like a good environment for a young family to be honest. I'd be staying home too. (Can the little one develop a cold you don't want to spread?!)

I can see why you may not want to go. But If dh left me on holiday with his parents I would be absolutely livid

YANBU to not want to go, but YWBU if you don't go, as arranged.

If you no longer think it is a place you want to spend your Summer holiday, then don't go next year, but it would be odd not to go now, as is the plan.

You can’t leave DH with your parents. That’s really unfair. Why should he make the effort to see then when you won’t. You’ve had some time on your own, now go & join your family.

I loved my inlaws but if DH bailed on joining me with them I'd be furious. Likewise he would be the same if I did it to him.

If it was his own parents I'd tell you to please yourself but as it's your family you need to step up.

I can also see why you would rather not but given you have agreed to go you should.
How does your H feel about it?
If you don’t want to go in future then fine but be upfront about it rather than let people down

Yanbu. But maybe think of a diplomatic excuse eg the car has broken down, make it something like a knackered battery which would take a day or two to sort and that’s it’s not worth then going for one or two days. Just make sure it’s plausible for your little one as they do tend to say the truth when your really don’t want them to.

you sound fun!

Let’s reverse this though. Imagine if you’d gone with the in laws and most of the kids. And then had to entertain them in the rain - whilst your husband chilled at home with one child?

I’d be furious in that situation. Your DH sounds like a saint for agreeing!

If you don’t want to holiday with your parents in their house then don’t go in the future- have a family holiday that you all enjoy. Sounds rubbish.

What and leave the husband with her parents?!

You really can't. I'd maybe say differently if it were your in-laws and DH was their son.

Tip. Next time say no.

Book something nice where they can join you if you want but tell the truth, it's a shit place to have a younger kid and you don't enjoy being there.

I see no point in not doing that.

I think you have to suck it up this time though OP.

But if I don't go out there they'll be more drama - "see, I knew you'd bale out" etc etc

To be fair you couldn't blame them for saying so if you have form for letting people down. I'd just go, you've already gotten out of one week and sounds like your parents are looking forward to seeing you. Would be pretty shitty to leave your husband at your parents house without you too. I don't really see what's so stressful about it to be honest.

Have you spoken to DH and suggested that you might not go? If not, why not, and if yes, what was his reaction?

You'd never know he might be quite happy to carry on without you! On the other hand if he is not happy about being there without you, then I think you should suck it up and go over. They are YOUR parents after all.

Do what your instincts are telling you is the right thing to do when DH gives his opinion.

Yes you should have either said no or all gone together. Your parents are right I think you were a bit rude to cancel the first week if you’d agreed to go.

Yeah, leaving him with your parents for a week is a dick move never mind planning on ditching them the 2nd too. Why did you agree to this holiday if you hate staying there so much?

If this was the other way round and the OP was saying she was staying with in-laws and her DH had decided not to join them as originally planned but to stay at home, everyone would be calling him a total dick and telling her to reassess their relationship. So yes, @VinoVeritas1 you are being totally unreasonable, sorry.

Sorry mate but you have to go. Would be rude and selfish not to, and was a bit to not go the first week.

I think it’s a bit much to leave your DH with your parents. Another time I wouldn’t plan to go in the first place if you don’t like it!

Your feelings are valid as the children say but yeah unless DH adores your parents you’ve had your week off, back to family obligation land.

Can you fly over and your DH pick you up from the airport instead of ferry?

you have already bailed on half the holiday I think everyone would be right to be pretty pissed off if you missed it all