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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To NOT want to go holiday

105 replies

VinoVeritas1 · 04/08/2023 16:43

My DH and my oldest son are currently in France staying with my parents in their house - I've stayed behind this week with the little one, as the weather forecast was non-stop rain where they are this first week and because of it's rural location, it would be very very difficult to keep the small one occupied - think an isolated farmhouse with one or two cottages nearby and nothing within walking distance - nearest swimming pool for example is a 45 min drive. So I opted to remain at home for the first week whilst the bigger ones go.

I'm due to join them on Monday - but I still don't want to leave here! I enjoy being in my home, doing nice day trips locally with the little one, and I don't want the hassle of having to drive to Dover, catch a fucking ferry, drive to the house, which is old and rambling, has no hot water (usually end up having to heat fucking saucepans on the stove for kids' baths.) It sounds like a rural idyll and it can be - I used to love it before I had kids but honestly, now i'm in mummy-mode I hate the whole hassle of it. My eldest is just approaching an age where he can enjoy a bigger adventure but i'd rather not go and stay at home, where everything sodding well works and I can control my environment. If I'm honest it's also quite nice not to have DH and the older one around - I've got the house to myself, I can keep the house tidy and I like not having them around me dominating the space all the time. Peace and quiet.

I feel I'm only going to please everyone else - my parents are already annoyed that I cancelled the first week out there - they think I was rude to do so and think the family need to be together all the fucking time - I'm far happier on my own here with the younger one. Fed up being dictated too - I wish they'd all just bugger off actually - i'm stressed just thinking about it. But if I don't go out there they'll be more drama - "see, I knew you'd bale out" etc etc

AIBU for NOT wanting to go on holiday???

OP posts:
Spacemoon · 04/08/2023 17:11

YABU and sound very ungrateful and selfish to be honest. All I got from your post was me me me. You should never have agreed to go in the first place if you felt this strongly about it, let alone leaving your DH and eldest child to go to YOUR parents without you and youngest DC. Dick move to not go in the first place and it would be an incredibly selfish dick move to not go at all! Suck it up and plan something different next year.

TokyoSushi · 04/08/2023 17:11

YANBU, but I think that you need to go...

Quitelikeacatslife · 04/08/2023 17:15

Your parents probably do want to see you as well, imagine your grown up children not wanting to be with you . I've had numerous self catering holidays that are not relaxing for me but beneficial to other generations. Next holidays plan something more relaxing for yourself.
Can you fly out?

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 04/08/2023 17:23

Delatron · 04/08/2023 17:01

What and leave the husband with her parents?!

Show quote history

Yes! Mine got on better with my parents than I did. Plus they have the older child so can get some excellent parental bonding time in.
op could always offer an olive branch in that Dh gets sometime to himself later on.
Its a partnership, and both parents can use the time to give individual, full attention to one child each. Really don’t see a problem with telling a (believable) white lie to facilitate op desire to just stay at home under the circumstances.

MumblesParty · 04/08/2023 17:26

You’re being very selfish OP.

AgnesX · 04/08/2023 17:29

Unless your husband is happy to be there with child no 1 on his own then YABU (I personally would hate to left with my ILs without DH as a buffer).

cheezncrackers · 04/08/2023 17:29

If you don't want to go and know it's shit, why on earth did you say you would? You'll just disappoint your older DC if you don't go. They didn't choose this crappy holiday, you did, so I'm afraid YABU and need to suck it up. And next year, book something you do actually want to do!

cheezncrackers · 04/08/2023 17:30

And it's spelt 'bail'. Bale is a bale of hay.

Marwoodsbigbreak · 04/08/2023 17:32

It depends...

Why didn't you say no first off? How does DH get on with your DPs?

Will DH be enjoying the holiday? Won't older DC miss you and be upset? How old are they?

I wouldn't want to go, but if DH left me with his parents for two fucking weeks I would kill him.

littlefireseverywhere · 04/08/2023 17:34

He’s with your parents! Yes you are being unfair

thatsnotmylifeitstoocrazy · 04/08/2023 17:34

surely they have some hot water?

elenacampana · 04/08/2023 17:35

I can’t believe you cancelled the first week and sent your husband away with your eldest child to visit your parents knowing he’d be stuck in the rain all week in a house with no hot water and nowhere to go.

You have an incredibly selfish and self centred attitude, it’s very me me me.

Original poster
VinoVeritas1 · 04/08/2023 17:45

My DH gets on great with my parents, they are having a whale of a time visiting battlefields etc. They are great together, my DH is having fun over there, doing bigger trips that I wouldn't be able to drag the little one on.

OP posts:
Original poster
VinoVeritas1 · 04/08/2023 17:48

@cheezncrackers

They didn't choose this crappy holiday, you did

Ummm actually, no, my DH insisted he wanted to go this year, I wanted to book a holiday elsewhere, just the four of us. So you're wrong there, and full of incorrect assumption.

OP posts:
ToughFuss · 04/08/2023 17:49

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable not to want to go. You feel how you feel, and that’s it really. I do, however, feel a bit perplexed by your attitude that a very rural spot is no good for a littlie. I think it would be very unfair to leave your husband to it for the second week as well. You’ve pleased yourself by not going the first week, compromise by going for the second.

DustyLee123 · 04/08/2023 17:51

Holidays can be hard work, particularly with little ones. Stay at home and enjoy yourself.

Original poster
VinoVeritas1 · 04/08/2023 17:52

@littlefireseverywhere

He’s with your parents! Yes you are being unfair

He gets on with them probably better than I do so 👌

OP posts:
girlfriend44 · 04/08/2023 17:52

bigageap · 04/08/2023 16:59

you sound fun!

Yep and what horrible language to boot. Can't even explain a situation calmly without swearing.

PollyAmour · 04/08/2023 17:53

Why are you so certain your little one won't enjoy the holiday? It's not fair to keep them away from grandparents, dad and older sibling for another week.

Popskipiekin · 04/08/2023 17:54

You know you have to go OP, otherwise you wouldn’t be asking strangers to give you permission to stay … it does sound like a shit non holiday and maybe you can use however badly the next week goes as the basis for an argument as to why you never go again. But it’s all fixed, and you’ve escaped one week as it is, so pop along and play nicely. I’m curious as to why you want to prolong your absence from your older DC? Won’t he/she be missing you and their sibling? And be expecting you to turn up? Bit of a shame for their mum to let them down (and tacitly indicate that you prefer the company of their sibling …)

Original poster
VinoVeritas1 · 04/08/2023 17:54

@elenacampana

You don't know the family dynamics though. So much assumption. They're loving it over there, they're out every day doing things - and my attitude isn't me me me actually, my little one is far happier with me here.

OP posts:
BelindaBears · 04/08/2023 17:55

If my DH did that to me I’d be fucking livid. But if yours isn’t bothered then that’s irrelevant. What about your other child? Your parents? If no one really cares if you’re there or not then stay at home. If they do care, you should go.

BlairWaldorfOG · 04/08/2023 17:58

How old is your youngest? Given you've had a week with the younger child could your older child and you not do the fun trips next week? Try doing them as a family but if your youngest really hates it you take the older one out so you can have fun with him too?

HundredMilesAnHour · 04/08/2023 17:58

VinoVeritas1 · 04/08/2023 17:52

@littlefireseverywhere

He’s with your parents! Yes you are being unfair

He gets on with them probably better than I do so 👌

Maybe he gets on with them better because he actually makes an effort?

Your attitude is appalling but it seems you have no shame.

Xrays · 04/08/2023 17:59

What a terrible shame you’ve come down with a dreadful virus / flu “just” as you’re supposed to be going … 🤔😉