Grandchildren's eating habits AIBU?

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I love my grandson, but feel irritated about his eating habits. I'm posting here to see if this behaviour is the new normal and I'm being picky.
He's 6. I cooked a meal for them yesterday - a bit of salad and some tortellini, with sauce to add if they wanted to i.e. deliberately bland (but this applies to all meals we have with them).
So, firstly, he doesn't sit down at the table, but kneels or leans. Then he takes a mouth or two, and then wanders off. Then, a few minutes later, he reappears and might take a bit more, or, if what he wants is gone, gets given something else, like toast.
and then, about 30 minutes later, he'll want some of the pudding. And get given it.
I always used to say (when I had children) that you didn't get pudding if you hadn't eaten at least some of the main course and, once you'd got down from the table, that was it and you had to wait until the next meal.
Parenting is hard enough, without making it harder than needs be.
AIBU?

His behaviour would not fly in my house

Yanbu

Separately, I really detest the bribery around desserts. Easy solution is to just remove the expectation of dessert, very soon children just eat to feel full- rather than overeating in order to get dessert.

My house my rules. We have three today. One very picky. He wanted to go out with his grandpa. I kept saying no you're not going anywhere until you've eaten some lunch. I get the death stare. I stare back. He did eat most of it and he didn't get pudding fruit and a smattering of ice cream.

They do sit at school so they can sit at mine .

He did go out with grandpa, because he did eat.

I don’t think so because he was able to do these things well before he started school, he’d only ever been with us and at this time we were travelling mostly so he wasn’t even seeing any family .As I say, he can be very sensible and polite but I dont encourage or enforce it at home. To be fair, given he’d never been at nursery or groups he was one of the best behaved kids in his reception class, fastest to dress and undress for PE, fasten his own shoes, fetch his food and utensils etc . TA expected him to need help cos he started late in the year but he was fiercely independent and a bit offended when they offered him help with stuff.
not my trumpet to blow, he just picked things up.

YANBU. It’s not so much the food, it’s the not being able to sit at a table and wandering off. Like others here, I was taught from a young age to sit at the table and eat properly. It’s not hard (not including children with additional needs) and it’s a good lesson to learn.

I’d explain the ‘rules’, give him a couple of reminders for the first few occasions, then remove his food if he doesn’t again. I’d let him have dessert if he asked within a reasonable time zone but insist he sat at the table to eat it.

It’s not old-fashioned or posh to learn basic life skills. It’s like saying please and thank you.

My daughter is ND (ADHD) and also doesn’t sit the way the OP describes. I wonder if the DGC has been assessed…

the best tip I was ever given is a bowl of packs of top trumps cards at the table. Start a game when they start wondering to encourage conversation and participation and staying at the table.

Teaching small kids table manners takes persistence and most parents can’t be arsed anymore.

I shocked the hell out of my mum and dad one Sunday lunchtime at the table. My mum had bought a lovely new rustic pine one and had the kitchen extended into a dining room so was keen to use it - it was the Seventies.

I asked them: "Please, may I be excused from the table?" I was nine and had been reading a lot of Malory Towers.

As I said, I was only nine. There's less excuse for fantasies once you get into adulthood and beyond.

Ignoring what sounds like snark about working parents, I have to say that eating supper together is the least likely time my children are likely to tell me about their school/nursery day! I hear about that at other times. We chat about all sorts when eating, but rarely about their school day IME.

Good luck with that. He's 6. He can sit and eat a meal!

Absolutely agree. It's part of the parenting deal that you teach your child what's expected.

I don’t really think he can @Freshair1 😂
Poor teachers.

Definitely NBU. My child is 4.5 and has always been required to either sit in a high chair or at the table to eat. Good is eaten at a table - it’s good manners and reduces the risk of choking.

I also don’t offer pudding as a reward but I do explain to my child that we must eat a balanced diet for good health and eating pudding and no main course is not balanced. I might therefore refuse to give pudding if she consistently refuses to eat her main meal meal for that reason.

What's expected by who? In what situation? I was always allowed to get up and wander round as I pleased as a small child (and BTW I come from a large mediterranean family who sat round the table every evening, and all the children were allowed to do that). I don't do that as an adult because I grew out of it. I am, believe it or not, a fully functioning member of society.

Some people have sticks up their arses about incredibly minor things of absolutely 0 importance in the grand scheme of things.

I wonder what else Coseycover’s kids are allowed to do, ‘if they choose.’

Most children are capable of understanding that there are different expectations in different settings.

That's why I'm not overly concerned myself. I don't buy the 'If you don't insist at home, then they'll end up as socially inept savages at 18' argument. They'll manage to adapt their behaviour for the circumstances.

I think the best argument is that eating together is a nice family time when you can chat and discuss things. Our evenings are fairly miserable atm but weekend mornings are a nice time when everyone's in a good mood so we tend to have brunch together then. My DC loves 'helping' to make pancakes or waffles in funny shapes.

You are taking issue with what your Grandson is allowed to do at home. This is something to take up with his parents - if you want to.

Children can sit and do what is asked/expected of them in different places. (He won't be freely wandering about and eating all day at school.)

You can have different rules at your house and he will learn to fit in wtih them.
Your main struggle will be with his parents and how they want him to behave at your house.

It look from this thread as if this isn't unusual - but is also not acceptable to all.

I think that learning of differing expectations and differing habits is useful for children.

It's about respect for family meals where we sit together, eat and share the random things that happen in our lives. It encourages conversational skills and the ability to sustain attention which is incredibly important in an educational setting and in the wider world. We are teaching children to self regulate and be able to control impulses.

Is he chair comfortable for his size/height? Does he need a booster or cushion? Is he ok with sitting in an adult chair with legs dangling? (My kids weren't ok with that so they had footstools under the table to rest their feet on).

What is the cutlery like? Too heavy? Too small? Can he grip well enough? I have one child with hypermobile everything and she has to use special cutlery.

And try getting him involved in choosing the meal & cooking or at the least helping him plate up what he'd like to eat.

The idea to get the child involved with the cooking is a great one. Also taking children shopping with you so they can help to pick out the food and ingredients you need will help to get them more interested in food.

So they learn table manners. So they can go out for dinner and so on.

I'm in my 40s and detest this kind of behaviour too. How will kids learn how to behave if they're not taught?

OP this is due to your own kid's poor parenting, I'm afraid. I think you should have a set of rules for your house so your grandchild starts to learn.

My parents do this for my -feral- nephews. It mostly works.

My daughter's a bit like this with eating (she has ADHD though and not much sense of hunger). However! She is perfectly able to sit and eat at my somewhat old-fashioned mum's house (although mercifully my mum recognises that she'll need to get down and wander a bit between the main course and pudding).

Think the issue here is your DC tbh.

Do other people who come in to your orbit not find this strange/rude?. I don't have too many non negotiables but sitting at the table, no devices and join the conservation and stay til every one finishes (in a timely fashion!) is one of them, if only at dinner time. And yes, they eat what's there and are not fussy. They are 16 and 12 and not especially compliant - these are just the basics of some kind of civilised family/social dynamics as far as I'm concerned.

I'm 66 and as a child in the 60's we always waited until everyone had been served before starting to eat. We always had to stay at the table until everyone had finished.

My kids are 27 and 30, and I liked them to sit at the table with us and use their knife and fork, rather than just their fork. If we had cake, we used a fork to eat it. No elbows on the table, no talking with a mouth full.

I've not got any grandchildren yet, but know when I do, it will all be very different.