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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this put you off?

130 replies

Isleofw · 04/08/2023 11:38

I’ve been seeing a guy for a while, I’m a single parent. My DC was supposed to be staying over at my parents house at the weekend and me and him planned a date and then I would be stopping over at his house

I had to cancel as my DC was no longer able to stop at my parents house. He said I could just bring her round to his house and he’d put the tv on for her whilst we ‘get busy’think he was just thinking of one thing. He has not met her before

Would this out put you off? I said it wouldn’t really be possible as it would be her bed time and at first he said he understood but I haven’t heard from him hardly since then

OP posts:
Dombasle · 04/08/2023 18:15

Jesus wept.

Dombasle · 04/08/2023 18:16

You are nothing but a hole to him. Possibly two or three holes depending on what other antics he persuades you to indulge in.

Dombasle · 04/08/2023 18:18

You feel low not be use you are missing him as he is a complete and utter loser but because you enjoyed the attention and sadly your low self esteem meant you welcomed the attention of an utter creep.

You are worthy of so much more. A man who respects you, for a start.

BrawnWild · 04/08/2023 18:25

Plenty of good women put up with arseholes. Dont be ine of them.

Makes my skin crawl the way he has done the work of pretending to be a good guy and is now doing nothing to interest you (dates) and is presenting the chance to neglect your daughter by putting her in front of the TV while he shags you and offering the chance to pick him up and let him shag you as the opportunity if a lifetime....pass.

BrawnWild · 04/08/2023 18:28

FYI, this is him at 4 months in. He is not marriage material. Imagine the effort you could expect if you married him.

This is a test of your self esteem to see if he can use you , treat you badly and still have you coming back for more. He is sussing out if you will play the victim and will probably control you later down the line

SamW98 · 04/08/2023 18:30

BrawnWild · 04/08/2023 18:28

FYI, this is him at 4 months in. He is not marriage material. Imagine the effort you could expect if you married him.

This is a test of your self esteem to see if he can use you , treat you badly and still have you coming back for more. He is sussing out if you will play the victim and will probably control you later down the line

Absolutely this and rather than feel bad about yourself, take pride in the fact you’ve realised now exactly what he is and you know you’re worth more

winterchills · 04/08/2023 19:22

What a dick!! Of course he only wants one thing!!

TheJRTwontLetMeBe · 04/08/2023 19:29

Isleofw · 04/08/2023 17:32

Thanks everyone, I just feel unworthy, feel really low about myself now

No no no no! He's the unworthy one. Walk away with your head held high, you can do so much better than this skank.

Royalbloo · 04/08/2023 19:30

Yes absolutely and as a single Mum if bin him off asap

Royalbloo · 04/08/2023 19:31

Isleofw · 04/08/2023 12:04

Thanks I just expected him to be happy to rearrange but then after that he also stopped replying so I wondered if he messaged somebody else to go round to his house

Sounds like the type who would!

Original poster
Isleofw · 04/08/2023 20:59

I have messaged him saying I will not be seeing him tonight and that it’s not working out. He put that he doesn’t understand why, he says he was trying to be nice offering for my DD to come round and then he said he wouldn’t have been drinking yesterday,it’s only tonight because he already had that planned and he wants to include me in his plans, he said if I see him tonight he will get me a take away and I can stay there over night and then as long as I want tomorrow.

OP posts:
LetMeEnfoldYou · 04/08/2023 21:17

Ew don't give in for a bloody chicken chowmein!

Seasideanticscanleadtosandybuckets · 04/08/2023 21:31

Spouting shit to get his leg over op.

GoodChat · 04/08/2023 22:04

Isleofw · 04/08/2023 20:59

I have messaged him saying I will not be seeing him tonight and that it’s not working out. He put that he doesn’t understand why, he says he was trying to be nice offering for my DD to come round and then he said he wouldn’t have been drinking yesterday,it’s only tonight because he already had that planned and he wants to include me in his plans, he said if I see him tonight he will get me a take away and I can stay there over night and then as long as I want tomorrow.

I thought Prince Charming only existed in fairytales...

LIZS · 04/08/2023 22:24

Block him.

SammyScrounge · 05/08/2023 01:25

Isleofw · 04/08/2023 12:15

He has messaged just now asking if I want to come tonight but he said he will be round at a mates drinking and that I can meet him after at his

No. Just no.

SammyScrounge · 05/08/2023 01:27

GoodChat · 04/08/2023 22:04

I thought Prince Charming only existed in fairytales...

Show quote history

😄😄😄

greyhairnomore · 05/08/2023 01:28

Isleofw · 04/08/2023 12:15

He has messaged just now asking if I want to come tonight but he said he will be round at a mates drinking and that I can meet him after at his

Cheeky bastard.

NewName122 · 05/08/2023 02:02

Oh bless him, if you pick him up and stay and have sex with him he will feed you. What a catch. Bin him off he's a waste man.

ConsuelaHammock · 05/08/2023 02:58

These are the kind of men who have children with lots of women and don’t raise any of them. You deserve better and so does your daughter.

autienotnaughti · 05/08/2023 05:02

Isleofw · 04/08/2023 11:48

I’m just making the post because it’s making me feel as though he is just using me and doesn’t have respect for me

You are correct. He wants to shag you while your child watches tv. And he has never met your child before so this would be his introduction to her. I'd block now.

autienotnaughti · 05/08/2023 05:05

NewName122 · 05/08/2023 02:02

Oh bless him, if you pick him up and stay and have sex with him he will feed you. What a catch. Bin him off he's a waste man.

And if she hadn't have voiced her opinion the food wouldn't have been offered!

It's not you it's him. You deserve better

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 05/08/2023 07:56

Isleofw · 04/08/2023 20:59

I have messaged him saying I will not be seeing him tonight and that it’s not working out. He put that he doesn’t understand why, he says he was trying to be nice offering for my DD to come round and then he said he wouldn’t have been drinking yesterday,it’s only tonight because he already had that planned and he wants to include me in his plans, he said if I see him tonight he will get me a take away and I can stay there over night and then as long as I want tomorrow.

That’s just… wow. And not in a good way!😱😱

block him. You deserve better. And your DD deserves to be taught (by you) that she is worthy of respect.

CoffeeCantata · 05/08/2023 14:41

OP - please take the advice on here and back off from this man. He IS only after one thing and, hard though it may be if you are feeling lonely and insecure, it won't end well for you or your child if you continue to let him use you.

You really are worth so much more - don't take the first and crappiest offer that comes your way. I get that when you're young and feeling low any chance of a relationship might seem better than loneliness, but it really isn't. There is dignity and self-respect in 'keeping your powder dry' and hanging in there for something better. There are worse things than feeling lonely - and one is being in a horrible abusive relationship with a disgusting user. Also, whatever you decide to do, keep emotionally detached and don't get pregnant, for God's sake.

Good luck and remember you are worth so much more than to be used by such a low-grade specimen as this.

Original poster
Isleofw · 05/08/2023 15:06

Thank you everyone for your comments. I didn’t see him last night so he’s gone silent on me now, think he expects me to come running

OP posts:
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