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AIBU?

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Original poster

Are we not allowed to complain since the birth of the term “Karen”

152 replies

Willitstopraining · 03/08/2023 16:36

This is lighthearted. Maybe it’s just me but it seems now I can’t complain about anything without being labelled a “Karen” by my dc. Even when I have completely legitimate reasons. I don’t look for things that annoy but if I see kids eating a box of KFC outside in the street, and leaving loads of rubbish (including rat attracting chicken bones and skin) behind them, you better believe I’ll call them back and tell them to take it home with them, or dispose of it in one of the various bins in the area. If I go to a restaurant that’s pretty much empty and am not eating within 1hr 10 minutes ( a good 45 minutes after the starters were ordered) then I think it’s fine to remind staff we’ve been here a while. And if I pay to get my dc hair cut and it’s uneven surely I’m allowed to bring this to the hairdressers attention. I’m never cheeky to staff anywhere,I always tip hairdressers and wait staff regardless, and try to be as courteous as possible, and to their credit most agree if I point something out and the situation is quickly rectified. However we will no sooner be in the car than dc are saying things like “come on Karen, you’ve more people to tell off today”or “ I know a few pigeons that need taking down a peg or two” 😂. Surely if something is wrong I can say it.

OP posts:
NotTerfNorCis · 03/08/2023 21:40

Karen is a sexist insult. I hope no one on here is still defending it (they were not long ago).

NotTerfNorCis · 03/08/2023 21:41

Oh wait.

This term only refers to women who are being rude and entitled, often treating service workers like shit.

Wrong! 'Karen' is used far more generically than that.

elgreco · 03/08/2023 21:43

I was called Karen by my teenage son for asking him to tidy his room.

Daphnis156 · 03/08/2023 21:47

You sound as if you do complain a lot.
Whether you ought to be described as a Karen, whatever that is, I don't know.

Alicenwonderland · 03/08/2023 21:47

I was involved in a road rage incident. I had right of way and a man went anyway, so did I effectively blocking him. He wouldn't back up and I refused to move so a stand off ensued. He was nasty and aggressive, he didn't swear at me but he did call me a Karen. My kids have called me it in jest but it hit different in this situation. I'd never been bothered by it until this.

greenteaandmarshmallows · 03/08/2023 21:52

1993GoToo · 03/08/2023 21:19

In every stage of our lives, females have been put down. As teens, we are patted on the head and patronised as "ditsy", especially if blonde and not listened to.

When we become mums we arent listened to as have "baby brains".

In every age if we dare to be annoyed about something or have another opinion, there are snide remarks re PMS/ on our periods.

In middle age we are not listened to as we are "menopausal and hormonal."

Now "Karen" is the catch all for any woman from the ages of 25 to 65 who DARES to not agree with something, mainly with males.

It means no-one has to listen to her, and patronising is acceptable. Misogyny at its finest.

Great Post. So true. So sad.

Alicenwonderland · 03/08/2023 21:55

I found this online...

Are we not allowed to complain since the birth of the term “Karen”
5128gap · 03/08/2023 22:02

You sound appropriately assertive OP. You just need to direct a little of that to your incredibly disrespectful DC. If my children regularly referred to me using an ageist, sexist slur then I'd be addressing that long before I told other kids off for dropping chicken bones.

Alicenwonderland · 03/08/2023 22:09

These are my two favourite comebacks to being called a Karen.

"I've been called worse, by better"

"Save your breath, you'll need it to blow up your date"

WeetabixTowels · 03/08/2023 23:19

Daphnis156 · 03/08/2023 21:47

You sound as if you do complain a lot.
Whether you ought to be described as a Karen, whatever that is, I don't know.

What’s wrong with complaining about poor service or not getting what you paid for?

CrazyFrogDingDing · 04/08/2023 00:24

I was in the hairdresser's a few weeks ago and a woman who looked to be in her fifties, after having her hair washed was sat in the chair next to me.
The hairdresser asked her what kind of style did she have in mind ( she was having a restyle )
The woman replied ' anything that doesn't make me look like a Karen '
I felt like saying, well there's no hairstyle in the world would make you sound intelligent.
However the proximity of sharp pointy scissors told me to keep my mouth firmly closed.

BibbleandSqwauk · 04/08/2023 00:25

@Daphnis156 she's pulled 3 random examples from who knows how long. Is that "complaining a lot"? Why wouldn't you complain if your food was wrong, undercooked etc or you didn't essentially get whatever goods or services you paid for? Absolutely 100% agree that complaining should be done politely, respectfully, at a quiet and reasonable volume but there is NOTHING wrong with asserting yourself. I have consciously noticed my increased willingness to do this in my late 40s and completely agree with PPS that the "Karen" thing is simply a way to try and gaslight us into shutting up and putting up.

IveHadItUpToHere · 04/08/2023 00:29

It's about shutting up all women really because every time an older woman is called it, younger women are getting the message that they shouldn't have any standards, make any complaints or ever speak up. It's bullshit.

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 04/08/2023 00:33

I have explained why it’s not ok to call anyone a Karen and my kids know there are serious consequences if they say that. However they know they can call someone a ken. I use all the misogynistic terms the other way. So for example someone carrying on is a drama king.

I think it’s fine to complain sometimes, I usually don’t I just don’t go back.

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 04/08/2023 00:39

But with being called a Karen by someone I can’t piss off by restricting their wifi I act like they just gave me the biggest compliment I had ever received. ‘Oh thank you, you have no idea how wonderful it is to hear you say that. I really appreciate it”. Because essentially a Karen is a woman who won’t be walked all over.

Maireas · 04/08/2023 06:36

elgreco · 03/08/2023 21:43

I was called Karen by my teenage son for asking him to tidy his room.

I hope you put him right.

elgreco · 04/08/2023 06:42

I did.

Maireas · 04/08/2023 06:42

elgreco · 04/08/2023 06:42

I did.

👍

littleripper · 04/08/2023 07:05

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 03/08/2023 16:37

Your dcs need you to explain to them exactly what is wrong with the term Karen when used in that sense and why you won’t tolerate ageism and misogyny in your house.

This ☝️and then nothing happens until they agree
If they say it again the whole debacle starts over- hours of explaining. This is good karenismyname.org/basics/entry/welcome

I have, on occasion dropped some bigotry of my own on them 'yeah you spoiled little shit' 'white middle class over privileged brat eh?'

I'm mixed race and working class so I can pretty much destroy them with a kiss of my teeth after that 😂

WeetabixTowels · 04/08/2023 09:53

Everyone saying OP is a serial complainer…I could just never imagine saying nothing having waited 70 minutes for food, or keeping quiet about my son’s awful haircut because his appearance is less important than being considered to be a moaner. Christ how little self worth does one have to put oneself last constantly just because it might slightly inconvenience someone who has cocked up in the first place by asking them to rectify the cock-up.

DrSbaitso · 04/08/2023 10:42

Like all of us, I've seen a lot of women called Karens, especially online... and it has almost never been because they were abusing service staff.

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 04/08/2023 11:45

Call out the behaviour rather than indulging in pathetic name calling.

Calling Amy Cooper "a Karen" rather than a vile racist diminishes what she did and makes a joke of it.

Calling someone a Karen for complaining about poor services minimises racism. Making a complaint about service is in no way the same as or comparable to racism.

Sadly misogyny is rarely taken seriously so it might be more effective to pull up people using Karen as a slur for trivialising racism than for misogyny.

KimberleyClark · 04/08/2023 11:50

I’m not overly enamoured of the term plain Jane either. There’s no male equivalent male term.

Dixiechickonhols · 04/08/2023 11:56

KimberleyClark · 04/08/2023 11:50

I’m not overly enamoured of the term plain Jane either. There’s no male equivalent male term.

I’ve also seen ‘madam’ on multiple threads about female teens recently - well she sounds like a proper little madam, tell the little madam she can have x if she pays for it etc there’s no equivalent for a 16 yr old male.

Maireas · 04/08/2023 12:05

No- "he's a proper sir" - nope, as usual, no equivalent.