Are we not allowed to complain since the birth of the term “Karen”

[Willitstopraining]

This is lighthearted. Maybe it’s just me but it seems now I can’t complain about anything without being labelled a “Karen” by my dc. Even when I have completely legitimate reasons. I don’t look for things that annoy but if I see kids eating a box of KFC outside in the street, and leaving loads of rubbish (including rat attracting chicken bones and skin) behind them, you better believe I’ll call them back and tell them to take it home with them, or dispose of it in one of the various bins in the area. If I go to a restaurant that’s pretty much empty and am not eating within 1hr 10 minutes ( a good 45 minutes after the starters were ordered) then I think it’s fine to remind staff we’ve been here a while. And if I pay to get my dc hair cut and it’s uneven surely I’m allowed to bring this to the hairdressers attention. I’m never cheeky to staff anywhere,I always tip hairdressers and wait staff regardless, and try to be as courteous as possible, and to their credit most agree if I point something out and the situation is quickly rectified. However we will no sooner be in the car than dc are saying things like “come on Karen, you’ve more people to tell off today”or “ I know a few pigeons that need taking down a peg or two” 😂. Surely if something is wrong I can say it.

The Karening of women everywhere is not lighthearted at all OP! It is unacceptable in every way. On my local FB page (multi ethnic community in SE London) someone started a similar thread and it was removed by the mods because it was potentially offensive to a section of the community! FFS! No one is saying don't call out racism when you see it - but call that person racist, not Karen.

If they are old enough I’d encourage a pt job dealing with public. My teen does McDonald’s drive thru - her most difficult customers are men - grown men shouting that the 20 nuggets doesn’t come as a meal or the milkshake machine is broken.
I’d also encourage them to speak up if they need something or something isn’t right not you doing it.

YABU for thinking this is lighthearted. It’s not. It is being used precisely as you describe, to deter women from complaining. There have been posts on here before where women say they want to complain about something ( reasonable) such as noisy neighbours, but say they are worried about being called a Karen. And these are women who use the term Karen themselves ‘as a joke’. It’s not a joke. It’s designed to stop women asserting themselves. Whilst men get to happily carry on voicing opinions and asserting boundaries. Whilst women are shamed. It’s pretty disgusting.

Anyone and I mean ANYONE who called me Karen would be told to fuck right off.

I understand the USA meaning to be based around racism.

Your children would stop if there were benefits to them doing so, or consequences for continuing.

This is such a Karen thing to do.

Broadly they are just being teens - parents are embarrassing and must never speak..

But you need to pull them up really hard every time they say Karen - it’s ageist and sexist so don’t tolerate it.

Obviously carry on being assertive and tell your kids being a doormat is no way to succeed in life

You can just tell your kids they are wrong sometimes - you have way more life experience than them.

I know you think you’re being funny, but it isn’t

It originally began on Reddit with a guy complaining about his ex. There was then an incident where a black man recorded a white woman screaming at him and accusing him of threatening her (he wasn't). Now it's just another lazy misogynistic slur for any woman who won't shut up when she's told. She doesn't need to be middle aged...it can simply be an implication that she might as well be because she's that awful.

Oh I definitely will. I will however wait until they use it again so I don’t give it more power, and can properly explain why it’s wrong and why their behaviour is unacceptable to me. I’m sure once I talk them through it they will see my point of view. They’re extremely liberal kids though, and most definitely not say this if they’d realised it was misogynistic.

@WeetabixTowels I have an extremely lovely Karen in my life so dislike it being used to describe an older, 'complaining' woman!

If you are anywhere near Manchester I’d recommend a trip to people's history museum (it’s free) examples of how speaking out can make positive change and a good platform for discussion with teens and teens. There’s trade union, suffragettes, poll tax exhibits.

Exactly this. My kids know that the term is completely unacceptable. I am of the generation where there are many women of my age called Karen, some of their friends' mums are called Karen and it is not OK that the name is used in this way.

It's a disgusting, sexist slur designed to shut down middle aged women who have lived a bit and so aren't frightened to stand up for themselves, for their rights, and rights of those around them; women who won't tolerate poor service when there is no reason for it. In short, women who are right in complaining and the recipient knows it.

It's also my name and I hate what it has become. If anyone dares say it, as a slur, in my presence, they get short shrift.

I disagree. But I wouldn't get defensive, I would get angry. Very angry. Are you going to overlook being called other slurs as well, and if so, which ones?

My tiktok bizarrely started showing me 'look at this crazy Karen' videos and they were so obviously acted. There's actually a demand for content where women get angry, because people find it hilarious.

It's men who generally get boorish and aggressive in public but that's scary to 'call out' so it's more fun to imagine that women are bossing everyone about.

Age old misogyny.

dc are saying things like “come on Karen, you’ve more people to tell off today”or “ I know a few pigeons that need taking down a peg or two” 😂

Your children have a great sense of humor 😂 It does seem as if you’re complaining all the time, going by the list of complaints in your post.

I thought the Karen meme came from a racist white woman on a walk threatening to report a guy for offering treats to her dog? I might be thinking of another example that was in the news around the same time.
Her name was Karen. It wasn’t about women in general, it is about people who constantly complain about the pettiest things. A guy can be a Karen. But the person in question was a woman and her name was Karen, hence ‘Karen’. I just feel sorry for the nice Karens who have to hear their name as a pejorative 😂

As an aside, I only complain in my teenage son's presence if it is absolutely unavoidable. He hates it so much it ends up being more of a problem than the problem was.

Also I'm still traumatised by my mum complaining when I was a teenager, I just wanted to stop breathing and expire with the embarrassment.

The dog walk lady was named Amy Cooper.

It's true misogyny in the way it's used. The world gates to hear female voices saying anything other than 'you're so right.

I do get that it's shit working frontline customer service as the company screws both you and its customers. But that doesn't mean it's ok to give shit service for increasingly huge amounts of money.

You could reclaim it. 'I'm not just a Karen, I'm a Queen Karen'. And go on doing what has to be done.

They have to know that you'd fight for them if you had to.

Ah! thank you! I remember now. Where did the Karen come from I wonder?
Poor Karens, getting blamed for what an Amy did.

Absolutely, I have some lovely friends with the name. It makes me angry on their behalf.

It was never intended for our teens to use as a put down for middle aged women, but I suppose it's morphed into that here. It was used originally in America for racist women who would use their social status to harass black people going about daily living. I find our teens are trying to equate their cosy lives with actual oppression 🤷

My teen would be delighted that I'd spotted the uneven haircut and he was impressed when a longer than acceptable wait for food ended up with a big fat discount on the bill. Like you I
complain in a courteous way and as a result people are usually happy to rectify the problem which is a win-win.

If I was behaving like the women in online videos then I'd deserve having my kids taking the piss but I'd rather they follow my lead than be a doormat and accept substandard service. Most people want to offer the correct service and don't mind rectifying if you ask nicely.