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AIBU?

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Original poster

Are we not allowed to complain since the birth of the term “Karen”

152 replies

Willitstopraining · 03/08/2023 16:36

This is lighthearted. Maybe it’s just me but it seems now I can’t complain about anything without being labelled a “Karen” by my dc. Even when I have completely legitimate reasons. I don’t look for things that annoy but if I see kids eating a box of KFC outside in the street, and leaving loads of rubbish (including rat attracting chicken bones and skin) behind them, you better believe I’ll call them back and tell them to take it home with them, or dispose of it in one of the various bins in the area. If I go to a restaurant that’s pretty much empty and am not eating within 1hr 10 minutes ( a good 45 minutes after the starters were ordered) then I think it’s fine to remind staff we’ve been here a while. And if I pay to get my dc hair cut and it’s uneven surely I’m allowed to bring this to the hairdressers attention. I’m never cheeky to staff anywhere,I always tip hairdressers and wait staff regardless, and try to be as courteous as possible, and to their credit most agree if I point something out and the situation is quickly rectified. However we will no sooner be in the car than dc are saying things like “come on Karen, you’ve more people to tell off today”or “ I know a few pigeons that need taking down a peg or two” 😂. Surely if something is wrong I can say it.

OP posts:
Eudaimonia5 · 03/08/2023 16:37

No 🤣

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 03/08/2023 16:37

Your dcs need you to explain to them exactly what is wrong with the term Karen when used in that sense and why you won’t tolerate ageism and misogyny in your house.

RoseslnTheHospital · 03/08/2023 16:38

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 03/08/2023 16:37

Your dcs need you to explain to them exactly what is wrong with the term Karen when used in that sense and why you won’t tolerate ageism and misogyny in your house.

Yep, this.

Motnight · 03/08/2023 16:39

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 03/08/2023 16:37

Your dcs need you to explain to them exactly what is wrong with the term Karen when used in that sense and why you won’t tolerate ageism and misogyny in your house.

I agree with this. Lazy stereotyping often used by other women ironically and designed to shut us all up.

enchantedsquirrelwood · 03/08/2023 16:40

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 03/08/2023 16:37

Your dcs need you to explain to them exactly what is wrong with the term Karen when used in that sense and why you won’t tolerate ageism and misogyny in your house.

Yes.

Karen is on a par with TERF - it is a way of telling women to shut up and stop having the temerity to express an opinion. Especially women over 45.

It is utterly unacceptable as an expression (in the UK - its origins in the US are different, but this is a UK site, and most people using it live in the UK).

Begsthequestion · 03/08/2023 16:41

The more you get defensive about something, the more irritating people (like kids) will use it to tease - I think if you laugh along and just change the subject after it'll be less funny to them.

You're the adult after all, so their opinions on things is just their opinion. Be secure in your own.

DrSbaitso · 03/08/2023 16:41

This is lighthearted.

Of course it isn't, and nor should it be.

We can't stop idiots from saying it. What we can do is not let it stop us from doing things. And why should it? It's just a stupid lazy term for stupid, lazy people. As JKR said, what next, they'll say you've got fleas?

Don't give it power. To be honest, if it wasn't that, it would be some other misogynistic slur. We've always got plenty of those.

Merryoldgoat · 03/08/2023 16:42

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 03/08/2023 16:37

Your dcs need you to explain to them exactly what is wrong with the term Karen when used in that sense and why you won’t tolerate ageism and misogyny in your house.

This. My 10yo asked and DH told him it was a misogynistic term used to put women in their place.

Then he had to explain ‘misogynistic’ but we got there eventually.

itsmylife7 · 03/08/2023 16:42

I'd ask them to explain in detail exactly what it means to me.

Be very interested with what they come up with.

Then they can research the original meaning from the USA.

See how it compares.

Dixiechickonhols · 03/08/2023 16:43

I wouldn’t tolerate my dc calling me ‘Karen’ and would be having discussion about misogyny.
Your examples sound perfectly fine to me.
Surely modelling to offspring how to deal with crap service etc is what we should be doing.

GoodChat · 03/08/2023 16:43

The only one I wouldn't do that you do is complain about the wait for food but you need to teach your children about misogyny. What would they do if their dad did the same things you do?

LimitIsUp · 03/08/2023 16:45

My older kids (young adults ) wouldn't dare! We discussed this (marginalising hateful) term when it first came to prominence.

WeetabixTowels · 03/08/2023 16:46

I absolutely agree with you OP.

Its a thinly veiled way of telling women to STFU, whilst pretending to have faux concern for customer service staff.

But I do the same - if I’m paying £18 for a burger and they’ve forgotten half the ingredients, or it’s burnt to a crisp, too right I’m complaining. I worked in those jobs as a student and taking complaints was certainly not the nervous-breakdown inducing task it seems to be today. I’m always polite - but I will speak up if service isn’t up to standard. My DD has called me Karen in the past and I certainly made it known that she’s never to do it again to me or anyone else.

As an aside I have two friends called Karen, and they now hate their names. one works in a call centre who has just had permission from management to go by another name at work because the abuse is so extensive. for example, she refuse to give refund for an item that was bought a month earlier, had been used extensively and wasnt broken the customer just changed their mind. They said “Of course you’re a fucking Karen, haha”

ThewaytoAmarula · 03/08/2023 16:46

No, and it's shit.

Was thinking this the other day when a woman I know on Facebook said she'd been disappointed with the service somewhere and a friend asked if she'd complained? She replied "no didn't want to be a Karen lol". Which I thought was pretty sad - she was just cheerfully accepting that she wasn't "allowed" to make a comment. Also enraging, as she herself flings this insult around and hasn't thought about how it's being used to keep women quiet.

greenteaandmarshmallows · 03/08/2023 16:46

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 03/08/2023 16:37

Your dcs need you to explain to them exactly what is wrong with the term Karen when used in that sense and why you won’t tolerate ageism and misogyny in your house.

100 times this. Educate your kids OP.

Dixiechickonhols · 03/08/2023 16:46

Guessing they are teens but there’s probably plenty of examples where you speaking up has benefitted them I’d remind them of that.

DrSbaitso · 03/08/2023 16:47

ThewaytoAmarula · 03/08/2023 16:46

No, and it's shit.

Was thinking this the other day when a woman I know on Facebook said she'd been disappointed with the service somewhere and a friend asked if she'd complained? She replied "no didn't want to be a Karen lol". Which I thought was pretty sad - she was just cheerfully accepting that she wasn't "allowed" to make a comment. Also enraging, as she herself flings this insult around and hasn't thought about how it's being used to keep women quiet.

That's literally why the term exists. To shut women up for fear of being on the receiving end of it.

picturethispatsy · 03/08/2023 16:47

I’ve put my foot down with my kids with this awful misogynistic term. They heard it on YouTube and tried to start using it (tweens). I shut it down fast whilst explaining why it’s not ok to casually use it.

greenteaandmarshmallows · 03/08/2023 16:48

DrSbaitso · 03/08/2023 16:41

This is lighthearted.

Of course it isn't, and nor should it be.

We can't stop idiots from saying it. What we can do is not let it stop us from doing things. And why should it? It's just a stupid lazy term for stupid, lazy people. As JKR said, what next, they'll say you've got fleas?

Don't give it power. To be honest, if it wasn't that, it would be some other misogynistic slur. We've always got plenty of those.

Totally agree.

greenteaandmarshmallows · 03/08/2023 16:48

@WeetabixTowels That's so sad. I'm sorry that happened to your friend.

NowItsSpring · 03/08/2023 16:49

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 03/08/2023 16:37

Your dcs need you to explain to them exactly what is wrong with the term Karen when used in that sense and why you won’t tolerate ageism and misogyny in your house.

This

Ponderingwindow · 03/08/2023 16:51

This shouldn’t be lighthearted. Your children are using a sexist slur. They need to be corrected.

the whole point is to get women to shut up and stay in our place. Every time someone uses it, it should be called out. It should be a reminder to speak louder

Changeforachange · 03/08/2023 16:52

Dixiechickonhols · 03/08/2023 16:46

Guessing they are teens but there’s probably plenty of examples where you speaking up has benefitted them I’d remind them of that.

Excellent point about them benefitting from their mother speaking up.

Karen would only ever be used once in my house.
It translates as 'STFU & know your place in the pecking order, old woman'.

Nope.

WhateverMate · 03/08/2023 16:54

I voted YABU because if my kids used a sexist term like that, they'd face a strong consequence.

DewinDwl · 03/08/2023 16:57

That's the idea, OP.

Shut up women, conveyed in a not funny and deeply uncool way