People with misophonia, how do you cope?

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I had to request moving desks from someone in a very small space who only ate crisps during the working day and crunched them loudly next to me. I was told I was being ridiculous but the sound literally makes me want to cry, hit them and run away.

I’m led to believe it’s not that common but my partner and best friend suffer too. They are both autistic and it’s gotten to a point we can’t eat together in a restaurant.

I was recently in a Chinese restaurant for a friend’s birthday and everyone ordered prawn crackers. I was surrounded by crunching, chomping and finger licking.
I tried to put up with it and cope but in the end finished my food quickly and made excuses to leave the table.

I think people who suffer get it, people who don’t think it’s bad manners and unreasonable.

my question is if it genuinely distresses me to the point I’m not enjoying myself and counting the seconds to escape AIBU for leaving the table?

I do have other issues, some of my main triggers are people chewing, breathing heavily in my ear, sniffing - anyone slurping tea makes me want to pour it over them.
i’m lucky my partner doesn’t snore but I once had to leave a hen night early due to snoring.

As well as asking if I’m being unreasonable I’m wondering how others cope? I’m thinking of getting some of the loop earphones but I’ve heard mixed reviews.
If i’m with people I trust I try to be honest but if it’s a situation with people I don’t know well and they are constantly clearing their throat or sniffing it’s not something I can bring up easily.

This!!! I hate rapid or odd eye movements!!! And even though I moan about noise etc I HAVE to have background noise on constantly. Though I kind of go deaf a bit if im
overstimulated noises wise…. I can’t pick individual bits of loads is going on (unless it’s a constant repetitive noise)

People are going to be bored of me quoting, but thank god I’m not alone!!!! I hate toothpaste or anything that smells like it!! Makes me heave!! I really thought it was just me! I use arm and hammer and make everyone on my house use it. Chewing gum is vile! Can’t stand it anywhere near me!!!

This must be incredibly tough. I keep mine bottled up, but I have a friend who gets really visibly wound up by noises around her and will sometimes have a go at random people/children over it. Even though I can empathise with her and understand it myself (though mine is not so extreme), I feel on edge when we go somewhere together and also am very conscious of not making any irritating noises myself. I can only imagine what it’s like to live with a family member like this. Is she having any kind of treatment for it?

Also @Romeiswheretheheartis please have some flowers.

Eating sounds. The sight of one of the family picking up an apple and I leave the room. I rarely eat at the table with them anymore. Nobody has bad eating habits, it’s just down to me and the normal sounds.

The dogs licking. One has a skin allergy and the licking drives me mad.

The cooker fan. I never realise how tense I’ve become till I turn it off and my body relaxes.

Sniffing disgusts me. I dread cold season.

Eldest child has a clicky sound in his jaw when he chews.

I wonder if people always suffered from this or if it's become worse in an increasingly crowded noisy world, filled with unnecessary racket.

My local Tesco went through a phase of trying to appear "autism friendly" by lowering the lights and turning down the noise - though tbh I don't think you need to be autistic to find the racket utterly objectionable. It's a proper aural assault. They seem to have shelved these quiet slots and the noise has ramped up again. Machines beeping, the alarm yelling every time someone walks in ot out whether they have stolen something or not, and now they are playing loud music over it all. I wonder if anyone actually asked for loud music? The poor staff - it's unbearable.

Oh tell me about it! Our M & S food store used to be a calm and quiet space (relatively speaking) but like the Tescos you quoted, have loud music now, and not soothing music either. Going into London on public transport is an aural assault and will be more so in the future as Wi-Fi will be introduced more extensively on underground trains. So more loudspeaker phone conversations.

Even our garden is no sanctuary,
with various construction works going on from different houses or gardens as well as inevitable loud conversations from neighbours. It's a very noisy world we live in

I'm so grateful for my NC earbuds

Can offer no advice but much sympathy. The feelings that come with misophonia are impossible to understand if you don't have it, it just sounds ridiculous - 'stop that innocuous noise cos it makes me feel like literally tearing your head off & screaming into your brain'. You feel psychotic!

I make a joke out of with my kids like 'DS3, I love you & it would be a shame if I had to kill you over whatever is going on with your mouth right now', it helps me a bit to have them laugh with me about it but holyfuckballs it's hard sometimes, the wave of impotent rage & revulsion. And my dogs eating/licking Jfc I can't.

Anyone else find it's worse with family than with strangers?

Interesting to see someone mention the extractor fan! I work with 3 extractors in a small kitchen & I find it deafening even though they aren't loud, they drown out absolutely everything else & I struggle to hear ppl talk even though I've got really good hearing.

I wonder if people always suffered from this or if it's become worse in an increasingly crowded noisy world, filled with unnecessary racket.

I was thinking about this last night. It must be somewhere in the history books.

@Abracadabra12345 It feels like an assault on my senses every time I leave my flat. I can’t stand listening to people’s calls on loudspeaker, or even not on loudspeaker. Having to listen to tinny music from a phone speaker. Random people shouting. Music blasting in shops.

But I don’t even have to leave my flat… last week there was a leafblower (not sure what the point was as it was raining, and in any case use a fucking broom) and a chainsaw over three full days. Then there’s the road noise which has got progressively worse since I moved here seven years ago, and so many mopeds/motorbikes with modified exhaust pipes these days. Then there’s the neighbours above who stomp around, the neighbours who shout, the neighbours who play loud music, the neighbours who let their children run around and scream in the underground car park which echos off everything, the neighbours who come in at 3am and make a racket in the corridor, the tradesmen on their phones outside my window, the woman downstairs who has gone out onto her balcony each morning coughing and retching for years and years, the person who sets alarms on their phone which they don’t turn off…

Sometimes it feels like the only quiet time is the small hours of a weekday (though not guaranteed) and it’s the only time I feel I can properly relax. If I had the money I’d move somewhere far away. It genuinely stresses me out so much. I’m not autistic but do have PTSD, which probably doesn’t help.

I was woken up by some revolting little man yelling "Fuck off you wanker" at 7.15 yesterday morning.

And I have to sleep with the window open because I need fresh cool air to sleep. I live in a village FFS. You can't escape it.

I'm sure I would not any kind of diagnosis, but definitely have issues with noises and smells. When I was little I used to be shouted at for wanting to get away from the noise "Stop being antisocial" etc. Mother, you were a genius

I have this and have had it for as long as I can remember. The worst part is how drained you feel constantly because you are anticipating and bracing for noise. I try to do things to mitigate my exposure to noise but placing music constantly and always having ear buds in hurts my ears. People who eat slowly are torture to me- the type of person who takes an hour to eat a sandwich or keeps going back to have that extra scrape of yoghurt, because I’m on edge until they have finished eating.

So have I. I is really sad. I sometimes nip or scratch myself to cope. I am not recommending it at all, it is actually subconscious and I am trying to stop. I have had a horrible mess on my arm a few times. Leaving is definitely better.

Another vote for the smell of toothpaste on people’s breath. It makes me gag.
I find that spearmint Proenamal (eye watering £5 per tube!) is really mild and not so gross.
When I was pregnant and already a but nauseous all the time, I would literally vomit every time I brushed me teeth each day.

I was just in Sainsbury's anvd thought of all of us on this thread. A 3 year old was walking round squeezing one of those loud dog toys in the shape of a pig. I heard it ant least 3 aisles before I saw it with my own eyes.

His proud smiling parents were following behind him trying to catch people’s eyes as if to confirm that it was just adorable.

One guy stopped looking at the tins, turned around slowly and gave the child such a look of hatred it made me proud to be British (perhaps for the first time!)

If my DC was doing that as a little one, there’s no doubt I’d have told her to stop because it will annoy people.

Thank you.
My dd did have some online CBT sessions a while ago but had to stop them when she needed counselling for self harm and the therapist said she couldn't continue to see her if she was being seen for something else (in my mind the two things were related, but there you go). Then she decided not to go back to it, I don't think she was finding it very helpful. Maybe when she's a bit older she might feel more willing to engage with therapy. It all just feels quite hopeless though, with there being no miracle cure.

@TokyoStories I am so sorry. I do have times when I feel hemmed in by neighbours and have experience of neighbours playing loud music, so to feel you can't even retreat inside your home is horrible and incredibly stressful. I know how angry I get when stressed so that doesn't exactly do my marital relationship a lot of good so in some ways, I hope you live on your own as that's one less stress.

And I do hope you will one day be able to move somewhere quieter, if not totally quiet. I envy those who don't notice or feel disturbed by noise - like my DH!

@Romeiswheretheheartis There may not be a miracle cure, but it sounds like she’s still young so there’s still plenty of time for things to change with the right treatment. Usually you can only have therapy for one thing at a time so it makes sense they stopped the CBT, but I can understand how frustrating it must’ve been. Has she ever been offered DBT? It’s more in-depth than CBT and one of its core focuses is emotion regulation, including self harm https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/drugs-and-treatments/talking-therapy-and-counselling/dialectical-behaviour-therapy-dbt/

@Abracadabra12345 thank you. It‘s been just me and Dcat on our own the last few years and I feel so much calmer for it. I don’t think I’d want to live with anyone again, for so many reasons! Moving feels like such a lottery. I fantasise about a remote farmhouse in the Yorkshire Dales, behind huge gates and surrounded by miles of fields and a mote. I honestly don’t think I’d get lonely

My local Tesco does "quiet hour", where they stop the music, turn down the till beeps and stop the music. I do prefer it but it's 8-9am on Wednesday and Saturday; I start work at 8:30am during the week and I'd prefer not to be up that early on a Saturday if I can help it!

I like to use the scan and shop (for minimal human interaction ) but a few months ago, I went to use it and when I scanned my clubcard to get a handset, the beep was so ear-splittingly loud I nearly melted down on the spot. My ears were ringing, my eyes filled with tears and I literally felt sick. I was too scared to go near it for ages after that.

There's also a self-checkout in my local Morrisons that bellows every instruction. I've seen staff turn down the volume twice but it always ends up back at volume 4000

Even before my misophonia went nuts the rules I give my dds in shops has always been 'don't annoy other people!!!' Think that covers all behaviours.

Do any of you have partners bleating 'don't be passing on any of this madness to our kids!' And other helpful
Comments.
I've bonded with a lovely colleague over sensory issues and the fathers of our children making these stupid comments.

As if we can help it.

Obviously I don't want my dds to struggle like I do. I don't think either of them have misophonia but I notice both of them find gross eating habits annoying and unpleasant and a few other things.

@Curtainswithpompoms I also struggle with smells. I've had this far longer then the issue with noises. I used to complain to my mum about smells in the house i can't bear. Dp calls me a bloodhound.

Fridge smells are grim. Cooking smells are an issue especially if it's long after the meal. I used to date someone who worked in a boarding school - dear god I couldn't bear to go there the whole place smells like bo and halitosis, which reminds me I can't cope with anyone breathing on me ever.

I loathe being breathed on too.

My sister, bless her, has only just realised since having a child with similar, that I have "sensory issues like he does, rather than just being intolerant.

Noisy eating gives me a completely disproportionate rage. And people speaking on speaker phone or listening to videos/music without headphones make me want to push them out of the train!

I use noise cancelling headphones all the time now on the train and the office.

I think lockdown removed any built up tolerance to be honest.

Misophonia is an emotional reaction to everyday noises. There's a part of the subconscious mind that's decided - for whatever reason - to draw your attention to those sounds that everyone else around you can block out. Once your mind has picked up on them the reticular activating system (RAS) actively seeks them out - hence the heightened awareness and edge of teeth feeling.

Remove the emotional connection and it's no longer an issue.