People with misophonia, how do you cope?

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I had to request moving desks from someone in a very small space who only ate crisps during the working day and crunched them loudly next to me. I was told I was being ridiculous but the sound literally makes me want to cry, hit them and run away.

I’m led to believe it’s not that common but my partner and best friend suffer too. They are both autistic and it’s gotten to a point we can’t eat together in a restaurant.

I was recently in a Chinese restaurant for a friend’s birthday and everyone ordered prawn crackers. I was surrounded by crunching, chomping and finger licking.
I tried to put up with it and cope but in the end finished my food quickly and made excuses to leave the table.

I think people who suffer get it, people who don’t think it’s bad manners and unreasonable.

my question is if it genuinely distresses me to the point I’m not enjoying myself and counting the seconds to escape AIBU for leaving the table?

I do have other issues, some of my main triggers are people chewing, breathing heavily in my ear, sniffing - anyone slurping tea makes me want to pour it over them.
i’m lucky my partner doesn’t snore but I once had to leave a hen night early due to snoring.

As well as asking if I’m being unreasonable I’m wondering how others cope? I’m thinking of getting some of the loop earphones but I’ve heard mixed reviews.
If i’m with people I trust I try to be honest but if it’s a situation with people I don’t know well and they are constantly clearing their throat or sniffing it’s not something I can bring up easily.

I have having to leave the room. I have at times been known to just exclaim AH! and that seems to help but gets me funny looks. It's like the tension is unbearable. I don't go out to eat in quiet places as oddly I find pubs with a bit of chatter in make it easier not to focus on the noise.

I’m like this with throat clearing and flies buzzing, it drives me absolutely mad. DH leaves the back door open constantly in summer and can’t seem to understand that if a fly gets in, I can’t relax or sit still til it’s gone.

I too have this. In particular it's people who eat with their mouths open, any lip smacking, and finger licking will set me off into a flight or fight mode.

My FIL used to make grunting noises under his breath when chewing. Like others on this thread it brings out a violent stress response in me which means I have to extract myself from the situation.

At work I have to occasionally take clients out for dinner, sometimes I'm able to suss out who the problematic ones will be, and I often choose noisy places to eat so I can drown out their incessant slobbering and chomping. Oddly enough I can usually cope with crisp eating, but fingerlicking after chicken wings etc, slurping of tea, eating with mouths open, or tut-tut yum-yum lip smacking gives me the rage. As well as the rattling of spoons on teeth!!

I've realised I have some ND traits, including hyper sensitivity. And like others I wish there was a cure, because once I'm triggered I become more and more wound up by it.

And breathe (quietly obviously)

Oh God! I hear you OP.

I have a severe case, the sound of someone chewing food is unbearable. I use A LOT of white noise apps. Basically anything to mask the sound.

A few years ago I worked in a small office, one of the women there used to eat her lunch at the desk, the sound of her chewing and swallowing gave the rage. I had to leave the office during lunch.

And don't even get me started on the sound of someone snoring. I've ended relationships because of snoring.

Interesting because I used to think I had Misophonia but actually it's other people's disgusting lack of table manners and being inconsiderate.
DH is a prime example.
If he's eating crisps, it's like an attack on them, an apple and the cat jumps at the cracking noise.
He's improved considerably since I mentioned it.
People slurping, chomping and lacking fingers is disgusting.
Children are not taught table manners these days, it's utterly grim.

I was first aware of a real disgust felt when hearing my dad eat when I was a child. Noisily, lips smacking. My sister used to get the rage over it too. Her way of coping was to mimic the same noisy eating - not so he realised, it was her way of managing the situation. It didn't help me of course, I had two of them doing it. It was never mentioned to him, we would have got a back handed.

So, I have never liked noisy eaters...however menopause has now made the situation worse. Noisy eating gives me the rage. I sometimes commute into London and the noise of some people eating on the train (there is always someone eating) is so stressful. My husband knows about it, but doesn't really understand- thankfully he has never been a noisy eater. We were both on a train recently and a woman in her 20s was sucking and slurping on a lollipop- a red mist came down, I wanted to murder her. Even my husband was giving her the side eye. I often move on trains. That or earphones.

In work I used to have some colleagues that are like pigs at a trough. WAH has made all this so much easier.

It's not just eating noises, it's people typing on a keyboard

Got cut off - keyboard typing, fountains and water noises too.

It's hard to explain the fight or flight response it induces.

I've had it as far as I can remember since about age 8. Unfortunately my mother has severe nervous tics and hums clicks, nods and makes other noises. I've spent my life wanting to tear my face off when she is there. We have no relationship and I ever see her because its just destroyed my mental health. I dont have a mother. Its terrible.

Op I’m the same. If I’m in a restaurant or something with a high level of background noise I find that helps. Also if I’m eating (especially something crunchy) I find that drowns out the sound of other people eating. I’ve never left a meal early but I have had to stifle my silent rage on many occasions. I go the loo every ten minutes and just say I’ve got bladder issues, and I focus on the fact that this WILL end and then I’ll be returning to my peaceful sanctuary

Mine is primarily triggered by noise that I can’t control. Think any sort of humming, TVs playing through walls, etc. I don’t feel I am coping in all honesty.

I’ve been sleeping with white noise playing through headphones for about three years solid now due to neighbours slamming doors and find myself wearing them more and more in the day. I no longer go in my back garden at all since another neighbour got a load of tinkly wind chimes. Before that he had a cat alarm that went off every few seconds (someone doing work on my house couldn’t cope with that either) and a water feature that sounded like an open drain. Latest thing is that neighbours have had a burglar alarm unit fitted on the party wall that causes the whole of my hall to buzz like a force field. I now have to make some sort of noise myself when passing through it so I don’t hear it.

I honestly feel like noise and my reaction to it is ruining my quality of life.

@AzureBlue99 this Is where mine stemmed from my step father the eating and slurping was horrific!

Medication has helped me hugely OP. I'm on 40mg daily if fluoxetine (Prozac). I still get triggered but the fight or flight response is much less intense.

Unfortunately you may need to phrase your symptoms in more "acceptable" terms to your GP (depending on how aware they are of misophonia). Anxiety and intrusive thoughts are words they understand better. And misophonia does give you anxiety and intrusive thoughts so it's not lying 🤷

@56Chandeliers I don't use my garden anymore either due to the neighbours always being in their's talking loudly. They don't seem able to talk normally. Bloody foghorns. They are next door but one and I hate them with a passion. They slam all their doors, have loud conversations at going up midnight, are out at 6am slamming their front door, talking loudly, slamming car doors. If their son is away it's not too bad but if he's home it's horrendous. He used to constantly bounce his ball off all the garages and walls on the road and the repetitive thud would make me homicidal. I need to live on a desert island somewhere.

My daughter is nearly 13 and she started getting this in year 6. At first we didn't understand and sort of laughed it off and said she’ll have to get used to it. But after a few months I realised her reactions were so extreme (crying/anger/needing to run away) that I looked into it and realised it was ‘a thing’.

We tried the safe and sound protocol treatment with a psychologist and she said she thinks it calmed the reactions down a little but I’m not so sure if I’m honest and was v expensive for that outcome…. It definitely seems worse if she is tired or stressed…

For now, we watch a comedy series together at dinner for background noise which helps her a lot! She wouldn't be able to eat with us if it was silent. And the new Apple AirPods with noise cancelling have helped in lots of situations too. Sometimes she has to put music on too to fully cancel it out though. She’s fine at school because it’s noisy at lunchtime but struggles in lessons when its silent and kids are sniffing or there’s pens tapping on iPads. She didn't find the loops helped much. We understand it now and are v sensitive to it with her (although we said it doesn’t give her an excuse to be rude to us if we forget, especially if its for something like breathing!!). She just walks away a lot of the time.

I’ve realised now she does have a few ND traits. She also has some facial tics (some don't notice). Her brothers had tics at a similar age but outgrew them (my husband had them when he was younger). And she can be hyper sensitive to other things, gets exhausted socialising and becomes quite obsessed with some things.

I’m sorry you have to live with this… I can tell how much it upsets her and we do try our best to help her cope with it but I can imagine it’s a nightmare for an adult at work and socialising!

I remember watching a segment on morning TV a few years ago, woman had it so severe that she had to wear earphones to feed her baby she said the suckling was too much to cope with I thought what a shame poor woman.

Dh is an open-mouthed eater, slurps tea, lot of throat clearing.... totally unbearable and gives me the rage. When I have mentioned it he just seems to think I am unreasonable and it carries on. This thread inspires me to try again - or I may just say I won't eat with him any more.

Ohhhh wow I feel your pain on this 😣

I've suffered for years and it really is the worst. I was referred for CBT as it really did take over my daily life. Anyway a few months down the line, the therapist decided that it wasn't working for me. (Thank god because listening to someone eating pringles on youtuble on a loop is NOT the answer!

I then tried hypnotherapy and I swear it's made a huge difference! I still notice sounds but they are MUCH more tolerable. I don't want to murder anyone (quite as much) and it really has changed my life for the better 😃

So good to hear about others in this situation, I hate loud noise generally and eating noises too. I have a lovely dh but he is just horrendously loud, stomps all over the house, slams doors and can’t do anything quietly. Chews like a machine gun. It causes me genuine pain but I try and keep it to myself because I don’t want to be seen as ridiculous and hysterical.

I once left a charity committee because the meetings were 3 hours of people chomping crisps and licking fingers etc. I had to physically restrain myself from running screaming from the room. How I wish I could get treated for this.

Does anyone have similar reactions or triggers from smells? Like cooking smells or peronal smells?

Yes. Weed is the worst. Unpleasant to start with, but can hang in the air for ages and is everywhere now. I feel anxious when I smell it. Cooking smells bother me too, but only when I’m forced to be around them. I can walk past a house and be fine, but dread sitting on a train with people eating smelly food.

@56Chandeliers Thank you. I ask because I have misophonia traits that I struggle with, but I am bothered and distressed by smells like cooking, eggs, meat, smelly people, greasy hair. I find it unbearable in the same way as someone eating loudly. Though I try very hard to never show it, I wonder if there's a name for this!

I have this. It's worse when I'm in a relationship, so it's easier not to be in one (for a multitude of reasons!).

For me it's lip smacking, finger licking, tutting between words, sniffing. I had an ex who would lick all of his fingers after every crisp

Interestingly, dcat is obnoxiously loud when cleaning himself and eating in general but it doesn't bother me in the slightest because he's obviously perfect in every way

Not misophonia but long nails also make me shudder, especially if they're natural. I feel physically repulsed by them. Apologies to any long-nail havers in the thread - it's not you, it's me

Omg I'm the same

I find commuting very stressful because of the incessant noise. So many people seem to play videos or music on their phones with no headphones now. It's dreadful.

Oh god greasy hair, bo, long nails and my worst two school lunch hall smell and cold air on washing.
Makes me retch.
My DC were bathed every evening and in clean uniform and I never hang laundry out on a cold day.