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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Think less of my friend for reporting somebody for benefit fraud

133 replies

JimJams91 · 01/08/2023 19:50

My new-ish friend told me yesterday that she has reported her ex husbands new girlfriend for benefit fraud.

She doesn't know for certain that she's even committing benefit fraud but is feeling resentful about the small amount of CMS she receives from XH and doesn't like the thought of him spending money on another family (the girlfriend has children of her own that don't belong to the XH - children's father is deceased so the XH is likely spending a fair bit of time with/around them)

I felt quite uncomfortable when she told me about it and said I don't think it was the right thing to do because 1) there's no proof it's even happening and 2) if it is happening it'll impact her children more than it will her XH as he won't be the one in legal trouble or unable to feed his kids if his benefits are stopped.

Overall I don't like the idea of being spiteful to a woman who has done you no wrong just because you have a grudge against an ex. The ex seems like a complete waste of space but the girlfriend is a total stranger to her and has never done her any harm (and wasn't an OW)

I know benefit fraud is completely unacceptable but there's nothing to say it's even happening. Even if it was she has reported for the wrong reasons.

Do you think I'm being unreasonable for being against what she's done? If your friend told you this what would your reaction be?

OP posts:
Kangarude · 01/08/2023 19:54

I wouldn't think anything of it. If she's not cheating the benefits system there won't be a problem.

RhosynBach · 01/08/2023 19:56

I would feel the same as you op

SarahSaysYes · 01/08/2023 19:56

She’s also wasting the authorities’ time sending them out on a vexatious complaint. From what you say she has no reason to suspect anything inappropriate/illegal is going on, she’s just feeling vindictive.

Issuefroth · 01/08/2023 19:57

I would think less of her too. She has no proof but now that stranger who happens to be with her ex will be subject to a thorough investigation which I am sure will bring a lot of stress and worry. It is fuelled entirely by spite and jealousy and your friend needs to ask herself what joy or gain she will get from it ultimately. She needs to move on and do something productive with her life instead of causing suffering for other people.

homeforme · 01/08/2023 19:58

Kangarude · 01/08/2023 19:54

I wouldn't think anything of it. If she's not cheating the benefits system there won't be a problem.

There will be. If an investigation takes place the person's benefits will be stopped whilst things are checked out.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 01/08/2023 19:58

I agree op, because in my opinion it's usually out of spite that people report others and not out of civic duty. Most people on here will disagree with me though.

LlynTegid · 01/08/2023 19:59

If happening, then right to report. If not, vexatious. Seems no right answer in a way.

Elsiebear90 · 01/08/2023 20:00

Why did she think his new girlfriend was the committing benefit fraud? Surely she would have to provide more info than “I think she might be” for them to bother investigating?

Kangarude · 01/08/2023 20:03

homeforme · 01/08/2023 19:58

There will be. If an investigation takes place the person's benefits will be stopped whilst things are checked out.

Show quote history

Sorry, I didn't realise that.

Thighdentitycrisis · 01/08/2023 20:03

I would feel the same as you too

Original poster
JimJams91 · 01/08/2023 20:04

Elsiebear90 · 01/08/2023 20:00

Why did she think his new girlfriend was the committing benefit fraud? Surely she would have to provide more info than “I think she might be” for them to bother investigating?

She believes it's happening because much of the time her XH has their two children he has them at his girlfriends house (as told by the children)

She has taken that to mean he is living with the girlfriend full time and that she's "probably" not declaring it.

OP posts:
Kangarude · 01/08/2023 20:05

Hopefully it would take more than one report, based on zero evidence, to stop someone's benefits.

Original poster
JimJams91 · 01/08/2023 20:06

Posted too soon.

She's under the impression the girlfriend is a SAHM therefore in receipt of full benefits which she would be defrauding by not declaring a partner moving in.

OP posts:
sparkleshin · 01/08/2023 20:06

Youre not being unreasonable
benefits are stopped while investigations are ongoing

OhcantthInkofaname · 01/08/2023 20:07

I wouldn't be calling her friend. That type of pettiness is just unacceptable.

Elsiebear90 · 01/08/2023 20:08

I think it’s unreasonable to punish his gf for him paying a shit amount of maintenance, her issue should be with him, not his partner. It does sound like it’s been done purely out of spite.

abyssinianrosette · 01/08/2023 20:08

Kangarude · 01/08/2023 19:54

I wouldn't think anything of it. If she's not cheating the benefits system there won't be a problem.

Not true. Benefits being sanctioned often means months or even years of financial insecurity , poverty. Suicides have occurred from innocent deserving people having their benefits stopped.

I'm claiming 100% honestly but I still have a huge fear of pissing someone off and then doing this to me. I can't work anymore, I've been very unwell. I realise I probably think about this way more than I should because of poor mental health but it is a real fear for many people, even those who don't deal with anxiety and paranoid ideation.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/08/2023 20:08

Kangarude · 01/08/2023 19:54

I wouldn't think anything of it. If she's not cheating the benefits system there won't be a problem.

She's wasting the time and money of the benefits system on something she doesn't even know. Malicious reports are a massive issue in many areas.

pointythings · 01/08/2023 20:09

Kangarude · 01/08/2023 19:54

I wouldn't think anything of it. If she's not cheating the benefits system there won't be a problem.

Except that of course there will be. She will be subjected to all the stress of an investigation and may well have her money stopped during that investigation, leaving her financially short. All because of pure spite. It's hateful behaviour and if any friend of mine did this, they would not be my friend any longer.

Missingmyusername · 01/08/2023 20:13

Elsiebear90 · 01/08/2023 20:00

Why did she think his new girlfriend was the committing benefit fraud? Surely she would have to provide more info than “I think she might be” for them to bother investigating?

Exactly.

LovelyAutumndays · 01/08/2023 20:17

Kangarude · 01/08/2023 19:54

I wouldn't think anything of it. If she's not cheating the benefits system there won't be a problem.

This is not the case. My benefits were stopped for 7 weeks because they though I had savings hidden.
Someone had reported it to them. I had no savings.
I have 4 children -2 with disabilities.
Those 7 weeks were the worst weeks ever. I couldn't pay my rent (private rent) and I had could not even apply for emergency payments because they had closed my universal claim.
I literally had no money. I had to put in a mandatory reconsideration which went in my favour and it was agreed I had no hidden savings.
I was overdrawn on my overdraft (got charged £5 a day for being over) so ended up with over £300 in charges. All my Direct debits bounced. More charges.
I got so ill with the stress - migraines and blood pressure Sky high.
The council gave me details of a food bank that I couldn't even get to as it was 4 miles away and I had no money for a bus fare!
I was making 5 calls a day to Universal credit (I couldn't put anything on my journal as they had closed it). I kept being given wrong information/ promised call backs that never happened.
Honestly don't report anyone for benefit fraud unless you are absolutely certain.

Kangarude · 01/08/2023 20:17

abyssinianrosette · 01/08/2023 20:08

Not true. Benefits being sanctioned often means months or even years of financial insecurity , poverty. Suicides have occurred from innocent deserving people having their benefits stopped.

I'm claiming 100% honestly but I still have a huge fear of pissing someone off and then doing this to me. I can't work anymore, I've been very unwell. I realise I probably think about this way more than I should because of poor mental health but it is a real fear for many people, even those who don't deal with anxiety and paranoid ideation.

Show quote history

I didn't realise benefits would be stopped until someone pointed this out upthread.

I'm sorry to read that you are suffering so much Flowers

Dinopawus · 01/08/2023 20:18

Does she even know the ex's partner is claiming benefits? Her DH may have left a pension or life insurance.

I'm not condoning benefit fraud, but like you OP I'm not sure this was right.

Original poster
JimJams91 · 01/08/2023 20:18

LovelyAutumndays · 01/08/2023 20:17

This is not the case. My benefits were stopped for 7 weeks because they though I had savings hidden.
Someone had reported it to them. I had no savings.
I have 4 children -2 with disabilities.
Those 7 weeks were the worst weeks ever. I couldn't pay my rent (private rent) and I had could not even apply for emergency payments because they had closed my universal claim.
I literally had no money. I had to put in a mandatory reconsideration which went in my favour and it was agreed I had no hidden savings.
I was overdrawn on my overdraft (got charged £5 a day for being over) so ended up with over £300 in charges. All my Direct debits bounced. More charges.
I got so ill with the stress - migraines and blood pressure Sky high.
The council gave me details of a food bank that I couldn't even get to as it was 4 miles away and I had no money for a bus fare!
I was making 5 calls a day to Universal credit (I couldn't put anything on my journal as they had closed it). I kept being given wrong information/ promised call backs that never happened.
Honestly don't report anyone for benefit fraud unless you are absolutely certain.

Show quote history

I'm sorry, that sounds like utter hell 💐

OP posts:
Kangarude · 01/08/2023 20:20

Again, apologies for my ignorance. It's ridiculous that lives could be so badly impacted by a spurious allegation.