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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have screamed at my sister about Butlins?

226 replies

RedCoatPhobia · 01/08/2023 09:38

Fucking Butlins. Just the name makes me angry.

When we were kids the family (our mum, our aunties and our cousins) would book a yearly holiday to Butlins. We loved it when we were little but as we got older it became a horrible fucking chore. The adults would force us to join “clubs” so that they could have grown up time away from them and most of us hated these clubs. We were forced to watch the babyish entertainment on a night, forced to do sports etc etc - this was the 80s. It was horrible, nobody enjoyed it, the adults usually ended up arguining, the kids were miserable yet they would book it year after year as if it was compulsory. When we were in secondary school one by one the cousins started refusing to go - I first refused to go when I was 14 and then had my auntie shouting at me that I was ruining it for everyone. Then my sister refused to go … by the time I was 15 the Butlins nightmare was thankfully a thing of the past.

Anyway! My sister has 2 children and started booking Butlins every year when her eldest was 3, youngest 1. This has been a yearly thing for the past 8 years. Every single year she starts complaining as soon as she books it “it’s so expensive!” Then when she gets back “it was crap! The chalet was mucky, the entertainment was shit, the kids didn’t want to do anything, the weather was awful “ etc etc

Shes booked again this year and goes at the end of this week. I saw her yesterday and she was complaining that the kids were not grateful, the weather looks to be shit, husband is moaning … “ I ended up screaming at her!! Why the fuck does she book it every year?? Why the fuck did our parents book it every year?? It’s madness! It’s not fucking compulsory to go to Butlins every year!! So she snapped back and said “rather go to Butlins than fucking Northumberland” having a dig at our holiday plans but I don’t book it every year and then complain constantly do I???

OP posts:
Croakthefrog · 01/08/2023 10:29

I'm a bit like your sister, minus the boozy history of family trips.

I've booked butlins every year for the past 4 and did have a bit of a moan about the last 2 stays as the weather was shit and it got a bit boring for me and DH.

We continue to book though as our small DC absolutely love it so we take it on the chin as it makes them happy.

Twyford · 01/08/2023 10:30

YABU just for the screaming alone. Mad over-reaction IMO. Why not just ask her calmly why she books for it.

Ferona · 01/08/2023 10:30

You need to calm the fuck down

purplecorkheart · 01/08/2023 10:31

I have no problem with you disliking Butlin and not want to hear your sister moaning about it. However full on screaming? That is out of order.

Monster80 · 01/08/2023 10:31

How dare you rain on your sisters ‘my shitty holiday’ parade. That was very rude of you, especially as it clearly holds a lot of nostalgia. You’re going to Northumberland for your holibobs, so as your sister rightly pointed out, no one wins. You’ll know for next time. 😬

Zanatdy · 01/08/2023 10:33

There’s a lot of snobbery (particularly on MN) about Butlins, but some of the hotels are quite nice and my kids always enjoyed it when younger. I also went every year in the 80’s, I made friends and barely saw my parents so wasn’t forced to do anything and have very fond memories.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 01/08/2023 10:34

Your sister is an idiot. She complains about it constantly to you yet gets upset if others complain and aren't grateful enough.

PutinSmellsPassItOn · 01/08/2023 10:42

She's a fool for booking it in the hols with kids those ages, it's ridiculously cheap in term time.

TinyRebel · 01/08/2023 10:44

I can still smell the stale beer and stench of tragic desperation that accompanied the sticky carpets on my Butlins 80s weekender in Skeg that I went on with the ‘girls’.
When even I get chatted up on a night out, you know it’s bad. Despite this, we had an absolutely amazing time. I made sure I took a bumper pack of Clinell wipes for the chalet though.
I think we all carry some ‘trauma’ from our childhoods. I’d probably have strong words with anyone wanting to ‘escape to the country’ to live with children - being the only kid/state school kid in the hamlet was my abject teenage misery.😂 Probably a bit dramatic to scream at your sister though. Let her get on with it.
We tend to go camping on the East Coast for our holidays. Choose reasonably quiet/clean campsites with no entertainment/bar - just a playground for the kids to congregate and a walk into town/the beach. Kids soon make friends and enjoy hanging out with each other. I appreciate that would be some people’s idea of misery though, especially with the weather as it is at the moment.

TonTonMacoute · 01/08/2023 10:46

Why did you have to scream it at her? It would have been perfectly acceptable to have said it in an exasperated tone, maybe with voice slightly raised if not in other company.

You could then have followed this with and eye roll, perhaps a 'tut'. A firm folding of the arms would have emphasised both your disappointment and signalled the end of the conversation.

TenderDandelions · 01/08/2023 10:47

I can imagine screaming in a frustrated "for fucks' sake - if it's that shit, why the fuck do you insist on going every year??" kind of way!

If you've heard nothing but the same moans over and over again I can see it tipping you over the edge.

At least next time she's unlikely to moan to you OP!

RosesAndHellebores · 01/08/2023 10:48

YABU for screaming.
One of my SILs is perpetually skint and moany. It has on occasion taken all of my resolution to say "perhaps if you and your dh both got proper, full-time jobs you wouldn't be skint". But scream at her, never, except inwardly.

Mayhem3 · 01/08/2023 10:50

YABU
Its got nothing to do with you what she does with her kids, so I don’t know why you’re screaming at her.

I would have said if you don’t enjoy it then book somewhere else and if she booked it anyway then let her get on with it.

You are too invested in her life.

FWIW my sister books the same place in the UK every year and I always think why not explore a new place.
Its nothing to do with me though so I leave her to it.

WandaWonder · 01/08/2023 10:51

Sure odd to keep on booking and complaining, but screaming? That is way over the top

TheWayoftheLeaf · 01/08/2023 10:52

I think it's weird to shout at anyone but I get your frustration.

Had she ever been to other places? Does she not know the choices/prices out there or have any idea about other destinations? She may find it overwhelming because she doesn't know any alternative.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 01/08/2023 10:52

A dd and family joined some friends and extended family at the Minehead one a couple of years ago. She’d never been and was frankly a bit dubious, but said that in fact it was great, esp. for young dcs. No complaints about dirty chalets etc. Mind you they had brilliant weather.

commonground · 01/08/2023 10:54

I think you would probs enjoy a holiday to Rome, taking in a visit to the Sistine Chapel.

ThreeRingCircus · 01/08/2023 10:55

Well, I get your point but you lost the argument the moment you started screaming. You sound like a toddler.

1993GoToo · 01/08/2023 10:55

Let's hope she never tells you she is going to the Sistine chapel. Your head will spin like in The Exorcist.

But isnt the definition of madness doing the same thing time and time again and expecting a different result? Ergo (love that word), your sister is mad

NortieTortie · 01/08/2023 10:59

Ah, Butlins trauma.

SmileyClare · 01/08/2023 11:00

Sounds like you’re from a big family of shouters and screamers. Your auntie did the same when you were 14 and said you didn’t want to go to Butlins- yelling that you’d ruined everything.

Some families are screamers- it’s how they communicate and it’s all forgotten 5 minutes later.

I’m sure your sister isn’t particularly upset- sounds like she gave it back to you and slated your holiday, so you’re quits now.

Mydogisamentalist · 01/08/2023 11:02

I’m with you. I went last year with my kids and it was without a doubt the most miserable week of my existence. My 6 year old was only interested in those rip off claw arcade machines which ended up costing me an absolute fortune. Our accommodation was on the second floor only accessible by slippery metal stairs. I’d told them I’d be taking a pushchair and that my daughter has disabilities that make walking difficult. I booked and paid extra for a travel cot that came with no mattress or bedding…

The kids didn’t particularly enjoy it and I was more knackered by the end of it than I’ve ever been in my life. I’ve booked Disneyland Paris for this year and I really bloody hope it’s more of a success!

JusthereforXmas · 01/08/2023 11:09

As soon as you scream you look like a twat.

That said Northumberland is fucking lovely so shes a twat for that comment too.

Our DS is 14 and very much looking forward to the entertainment and clubs (think he has his eye on archery this year if available) at our Parkdean holiday.

I think kids get 'awkward' around other kids they know and feel they have to pretend to be more grown up. This happened to us, we use to go to Flamingo Land and Blackpool every year. One year my mam invited her best friend whose daughter was in my class at school.

We spent the whole holiday we trying to out do each other on who was having the worst time because it was 'so babyish'. I felt I wasn't 'allowed' to enjoy it, even after it was over at school she told everyone how crap it was so I felt I had to match her.

Every other year before and after it though til 15, I had an absolute blast. It was the anxiety of another kid my age from my real life being there that ruined it not the holiday. Maybe being around your cousins and feeling you had to act a certain way for 'cool point' ruined it for you too.

MyMiniMetro · 01/08/2023 11:09

Yeah, tell your sister that if she continues to go to the hell-hole that is Butlins then you want to hear nothing about it from here on. It will be shite, it will be shabby, it will be raining so you don't need to hear her moaning about the inevitable. I think you've made it very clear that you think she's mad for pursuing holiday plans she doesn't enjoy. I'm with you. They could at least try every other year somewhere else. Some people really are stuck in the 'if it was good enough for me as a child' mentality. Leave her to it, but if you're able, try to take your nieces/nephews on fun days out so that they have nicer memories that rainy Butlins.

Muminthebluecoat · 01/08/2023 11:11

YANBU I have a husband who thinks we have to do things no one will enjoy because he did it as a kid and its "tradition" drives me mad and I just say no now