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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I a b*tch for feeling less attracted to my fiancé everyday…

94 replies

NotGotAClue1 · 01/08/2023 07:59

This sounds really petty but these things are driving me mad and really turning me off him. He drinks a can of pepsi for breakfast every morning and has several more throughout the day. If there is no clean cutlery, he’ll use the handle of a spoon to butter toast or a fork to eat a yoghurt etc. I actually have to tell him to wash his hands before he handles food. He is such a hardworking man but god he can be so slobbish and lazy with other stuff.

OP posts:
2anddone · 01/08/2023 08:02

Not a bitch at all but now the 'ick' feeling has set in consider your future with him carefully unfortunately your feelings will only get worse....can you imagine being with him in 30 years time when he has become older and even more set in his ways?

Shoxfordian · 01/08/2023 08:04

Don’t marry him if you feel like this; it’ll only get worse

WellPlaced · 01/08/2023 08:05

You’re not suited

sorrynotathome · 01/08/2023 08:06

Is this one of those engagements where you’ve been together for 10 years and engaged for 3? If so it’s totally normal.

Cazzovuoi · 01/08/2023 08:07

Do not marry him.

He is not a project.

He will not change.

Leave now and find an adult to have a relationship with.

Dacadactyl · 01/08/2023 08:07

The Pepsi addiction alone would turn me off him. His teeth must be pretty bad.

Aside from this, i might raise an eyebrow at the cutlery thing (as a one off) but regularly not washing up an implement he wants to use would make me a bit 🤔as to how domesticated he is. A future with a man who can't be bothered to wash a knife wouldn't be for me.

However, if in all other ways he's a good guy, try talking to him about it.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 01/08/2023 08:07

I hope you're not considering having children with this man. If he is too lazy to wash a knife, I can't imagine that he will do his share of parenting to a decent standard eg sterilise bottles when he is tired etc

Arewehumanorarewecupboards · 01/08/2023 08:09

Why are you getting married to him?

Bosabosa · 01/08/2023 08:12

I have been with DH for over 13 years and i don't feel like this about him. These aren't petty things if they make you feel frustrated with him, it will only build and build and get worse. Consider your future happiness (and his to be fair).

StopStartStop · 01/08/2023 08:12

Guessing 'fiance' is the word you use for 'man I'm shacking up with', not for someone you are actively arranging to marry. Which is great, because you can get away. Run!

RoseAndRose · 01/08/2023 08:13

If you don't like it, don't marry it.

And make sure your contraception is rigorous whilst you work out what next

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 01/08/2023 08:15

He sounds disgusting.

Please don't tie yourself to him forever,

Original poster
NotGotAClue1 · 01/08/2023 08:17

We’ve been together for five years and already have a toddler together so that ship has sailed! I just wondered if these things were normal.

OP posts:
Gerrataere · 01/08/2023 08:20

Turn a blind eye to these things now and trust me, 13 years down the line you’ll be on a verge of a breakdown that you cannot have because you’re busy taking care of a couple of kids and home whilst he’s turned fully into Homer Simpson.

I wish I’d put similar up all those years ago and had someone tell me exactly how it was going to end up….

Gerrataere · 01/08/2023 08:21

NotGotAClue1 · 01/08/2023 08:17

We’ve been together for five years and already have a toddler together so that ship has sailed! I just wondered if these things were normal.

Oh in that case you’re half way to where I was. Come back in 5-7 years and tell us how it’s going! I’ll give you a clue, not good.

cushioncovers · 01/08/2023 08:23

5 years is nothing over a lifetime op. Move on, it will only get worse, you've outgrown him.

cryinglaughing · 01/08/2023 08:24

Do him a favour and cut him loose so he can find someone who loves him.
Life is too short to spend your life with someone you are so critical of.

Cazzovuoi · 01/08/2023 08:29

cryinglaughing · 01/08/2023 08:24

Do him a favour and cut him loose so he can find someone who loves him.
Life is too short to spend your life with someone you are so critical of.

@NotGotAClue1 Here you go @cryinglaughing will take him off your hands so she can take care of him.

TheDogHasCaughtAnotherBloodyFish · 01/08/2023 08:31

If you have the ick now after a few years, how are you going to feel in 10 or even 40 years time? It’s not going to get any better.

cryinglaughing · 01/08/2023 08:32

😂😂 @Cazzovuoi I don't mess with men who are already in a relationship and have a perfectly well trained husband of my own 🙌🏻

tennesseewhiskey1 · 01/08/2023 08:37

Yuck. Imagine how bad it'll be in a few years - your going to back on here, asking for advice on this, and it would have got 100 time worse.

RoyalImpatience · 01/08/2023 08:37

My dh does a few things and it doesn't give me the ick... Not likeht is though.

CoffeeDrinkerLatte · 01/08/2023 08:38

Why is it okay to have coffee for breakfast but not Pepsi?

madeinmanc · 01/08/2023 08:39

Well, the things you have mentioned are not great but everyone has bad habits. It does sound like you're being a bit intolerant, but I know when these feelings set in they tend to escalate.

Tulpenkavalier · 01/08/2023 08:41

He is a slob.

He is abusing his body. The Pepsi habit will ruin his teeth and his gut flora. I bet his diet is crap too. Now look at men who don't take care of themselves who are 20, 30 older. That'll be him one day...

You have a decision to make. Do you really want this to be your life?

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