Mainstream or special school for ASD child?

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My son is 3 & a half and we are awaiting a formal ASD diagnosis - it has been suggested that he is at the what was formerly known as Asperger’s end of the spectrum (sorry I have no idea what any of the correct terms are, still learning, trying my best not to offend anyone) with probable ADHD.
To summarise he is very bright particularly around numbers and letters, very loving and affectionate, loves being around other people but has real social communication issues so although he is verbal and able to answer closed questions and make statements, he cannot maintain back and forth conversations. He struggles to follow instructions and is very impulsive. I am still trying desperately to toilet train him but seem to be getting absolutely nowhere with it. No issues as yet with noise/lights/sensory issues. He can have huge meltdowns when tired or when something triggers him.
He is due to start school next year. The EHCP request has already been submitted, obviously yet to have the assessment and have it all agreed and ironed out. My question is, is
anyone with ASD experience able to advise whether mainstream or specialist school provision is most suitable for a child who presents as my son does? SEN Advisor who visited him said he is very bright and would ideally go to mainstream but his reduced attention span/ability to sit still etc means she isn’t sure. He has a year to go until school but that will go fast and obviously not actually that long until I need to start making applications.
Any advice or pointers gratefully received.
I am in such a low place with all of this at the moment. Worrying how life will be for him and desperately don’t want to make the wrong decision for him.

SEN Advisor who visited him said he is very bright and would ideally go to mainstream but his reduced attention span/ability to sit still etc means she isn’t sure

l bet she did. It’s much cheaper. I’ve taught ASD kids in mainstream. They all struggle in some way. Even high functioning ones.

He's still very young so might make massive progress in the year ahead. Would you consider enhanced/resources provision?
Usually a discrete class within mainstream. This can work as a half-way house where he can access the mainstream as much as he is able but is supported by discrete provision when he needs it.

I’d definitely suggest mainstream for the primary years and then see how it goes beyond that- I teach secondary SEN and there sadly is a definite stigma amongst colleges and employers for those more capable pupils who have attended an SEN setting. Sometimes the benefit of the special school outweigh this, but sometimes not and it can hamper job prospects after the school years. Don’t rush anything, a lot can change. We have children with EHCPS who don’t sound anything like their paperwork- in a good way as they’ve made lots of progress.

Mainstream if you can but the ideal would be a mainstream school with an autism unit where autistic kids can go for some lessons.

Might be worth keeping an eye on potential adhd - lots have this alongside asd and meds can really help concentrate etc from about 6 up. My ds is pretty similar to yours and has scraped through ms primary. Hard because when we went to Sen settings to look round there were very few dc like him. Social and academic peers can be an issue in SEND settings

My son has ASD and is flourishing in mainstream! He's in year 3!

Also op just wanted to say don’t despair as they can progress SO much. Sending an un MN hug as I remember how hard all this is

He sounds similar to my son, I'm applying to resource based schools. I don't think he will handle the behaviour expectations in the classroom, and nor do I think it's fair on the teacher to have to try and handle that. I also don't want him to be labelled as naughty/disruptive and start to hate school. Regarding toilet training I suggest a course for toilet training ASD children, we followed one with my son and although it was really hard he was toilet trained for wee's at 3 1/4 and poos at 3.5.

My son was very hard to train as well but dry in the end!

The problem is schools are massively underfunded - inclusion can be great if properly funded but in reality it won’t be . Depending on the child’s behaviour they are often isolated / left out of parties … my Ds got through mainstream school but as the class clown. He has Asd/adhd .

I work in a special school. There are lots of autistic children but they all have learning disabilities too. They may be units or special schools by you that cater more for autism specifically.

My dd was mainstream educated. Schools catering to additional needs tend to lack academic focus and are noisy and chaotic ... my dd was a straight a* student who hated noise and people disobeying rules - she had adaptations in her mainstream school

Your child seems similar to my son. My son went to mainstream primary. They were unable to accommodate his ASD and ADHD despite our best efforts to fight for support for him. The local authority just didn’t provide the school with the resources to create a healthy and positive environment for his learning and the school used damaging techniques to manage his behaviour which would escalate due to sensory needs, social difficulties etc. He now has PTSD from his treatment in primary school and is in a small secondary school for children with social communication difficulties where he has a bespoke curriculum.

We went into our search for primary school very naively as we weren’t aware of his additional needs until he was already established in school. I maintain that mainstream primary school would have been the best setting for him but in hindsight (and with the knowledge I have now) would have researched the best primary school that either had an ASD unit attached or were very skilled and experienced in managing neurodivergent children.

We were much more rigorous in our search for secondary school. Whilst it has not been plain sailing we made the right choice.

I would suggest making sure you thoroughly research local schools and ensure they have experience and skills to manage children with ASD. Good luck.

Hi OP, try not to worry too much (I know it's hard). I don't think you can really get this "wrong" in the sense you mean at this early stage or ever you care about him and support him school isn't as important as that. I noticed your phrase "ironed out". I do hope things are straightforward for you, but they may not be.

Unfortunately, realistically, there's a good chance you won't have an EHCP in place before he starts school. Most councils say no to most EHCP requests, regardless of the needs of the child. You may have to take them to a tribunal to get the assessment (the good news is thid is free and parents win over 90% of them). The assessment process can then be long drawn out (there are shortages of all the professionals required).

I think if I were you I'd contact your LEA (first Google for a booklet called Starting School in X area to get the list of primaries) and find out which ones are likely to admit from your address (based on latest distances offered). Ask local ASD parents (there may be a Facebook group) for any experience with these schools. Go to open days; ask to meet yhe SENCO; read what the Ofsted report says about SEN at that school.

In the meantime hopefully your EHCP will happen and you then enter a separate process of naming a school, but by then you will know more about which schools there are.

One thing to think about is what your DC's like in a car, as the most suitable school isn't always near. Another is (sorry) to build up your savings in case you require private reports or advice.

Most ASC kids do go to mainstream. My DD does (although she wasn't diagnosed till 7).

Seek support for yourself. Look to strengthen your relationship if you have one.

My DS is at a Ms with a specialist unit.

Tried a private SS for a year and he learned nothing, he had a 1-1 to help him concentrate (which really works well) and time in the unit too.

It's a shame that there aren't more SS that are academically rigourous.

Your child sounds like mine and he's starting mainstream in Sep.

You still have a year to go and whilst it may not seem a long time for things to change, a lot can change. It has with us.

He also struggled with his attention span and group time was a nightmare at nursery, but after some work on this and some 1-2-1 to help support him he now sits great.
Language has also come on a lot in the last year.
Toilet training, we have literally only just cracked this in the last two weeks. Thankfully our school were very understanding if he was to start in nappies. They can't refuse them for this.

So whilst he has come on great there are going to be some adaptions in place for him starting to help him settle and get used to the new routine.

You may struggle, really struggle, to find a specialist placement for a child with an ASD diagnosis who can “cope” in mainstream.

I use “cope” advisedly as I am a mainstream SENCO, I do understand the barriers to learning faced by many with a similar diagnosis (whilst acknowledging that each child is an individual). Many people would be an astonished at the level of need which LAs insist can be met in mainstream.

DH is a deputy head of a specialist school for students with ASD, all working at age expected standard. They could fill each space 2or 3 times over. The students in his school all arrive from mainstream in yr 4/5/6 and will usually stay until yr 11, taking 8 GCSEs (the remaining time is used for life skills, taught in the school flat).

Please don’t come at me all guns blazing. Much of my job is now about managing expectations of what is often available (all LAs are different, mine is restructuring its SEND provision again).

Look carefully at what the EHCP (section F) requires. If that matches what a local mainstream can offer, that would be a good place to start. Chat to the schools, if possible meet the SENCO as well as the head. What does your nursery recommend? Do they have a particular option that they would suggest?

Sorry my middle paragraph should be 2 x sentances

Personally I wouldn’t look at it as mainstream v specialist and look at each setting on its individual merits. also focus on getting a water tight EHCP.

ds is going into year 9 in September. He is in mainstream with a good support package including full time 1-1 from a clear EHCP. When looking at settings this was the only one which I felt could cater for his needs properly. That’s not to say some of the specialist schools weren’t fantastic but what they offered/how they offered it wouldn’t work for DS.

Its really hard to know as special schools really vary so without knowing which special schools are near you its hard to know.

The resources bases and units are a very good option if they exist near you.

Mainstream to start with, try to get the EHCP to name the resourced provision for autism in your area. It doesn't sound like he'd have massive issues in mainstream primary, and depending on SEND schools in his area might be closer in ability to his peers in mainstream than in special.

This should be reviewed yearly and especially going into KS3 and KS3 to ensure it is still the right setting.

Many students with ASD do well in mainstream with the right support. They key is finding a school that understands his individual needs and will tailor support.

Mainstream unless he really can’t cope. People who recommend special school have rarely ever visited one or know what the children achieve by the end. This is true even of teachers who swear blind that disabled children are “much better in special school” and “struggle in ms”. Ask them when they last visited and how many children go on to study elsewhere or work.

My son with ASD couldn't cope in mainstream school, he's absolutely flourished in a special school as well as learning life skills. Best decision for him.

Is it possible to defer his start for a year so you can see how his communication develops? If you have the EHCP process underesy this may make it easier. I am a primary school teacher. We have a range of children with ASD in our school. Some manage well with adjustments, others are pretty much babysat as they cannot access the curriculum even with significant adjustments and there is next to no specialist support for planning, no funding for resources other than a 1-1 LSA who also likely has no specialist training.

Communication is the key. I have taught lovely, intelligent student with ASD this year. However, he is largely non-verbal, struggles to understand instructions and has extremely rigid and limited special interests and won't engage with any "normal" lessons. He doesn't join in with the class for anything other than some games and music. He would benefit much more from specialist provision where they could help develop his language etc. However, now that he's older and his parents want him to go to specialist provision there is no space available.

This doesn't sound like your son at the moment. As I said, we have many other students with ASD for whom mainstream is the right setting. Giving him more time before starting school, if it's possible, will give you a better idea of what he can manage. It's also important to bear in mind when looking at schools that Reception, which is much more unstructured with a lot of opportunities for free play, is very different from the rest of school.

Do you have the option of mainstream primary with an sen unit? That would probably be my choice unless there is a specialist asd school near you. Sadly where we are the special schools offer no academic options.