Mainstream or special school for ASD child?

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My son is 3 & a half and we are awaiting a formal ASD diagnosis - it has been suggested that he is at the what was formerly known as Asperger’s end of the spectrum (sorry I have no idea what any of the correct terms are, still learning, trying my best not to offend anyone) with probable ADHD.
To summarise he is very bright particularly around numbers and letters, very loving and affectionate, loves being around other people but has real social communication issues so although he is verbal and able to answer closed questions and make statements, he cannot maintain back and forth conversations. He struggles to follow instructions and is very impulsive. I am still trying desperately to toilet train him but seem to be getting absolutely nowhere with it. No issues as yet with noise/lights/sensory issues. He can have huge meltdowns when tired or when something triggers him.
He is due to start school next year. The EHCP request has already been submitted, obviously yet to have the assessment and have it all agreed and ironed out. My question is, is
anyone with ASD experience able to advise whether mainstream or specialist school provision is most suitable for a child who presents as my son does? SEN Advisor who visited him said he is very bright and would ideally go to mainstream but his reduced attention span/ability to sit still etc means she isn’t sure. He has a year to go until school but that will go fast and obviously not actually that long until I need to start making applications.
Any advice or pointers gratefully received.
I am in such a low place with all of this at the moment. Worrying how life will be for him and desperately don’t want to make the wrong decision for him.

This is the type of school my boy goes to. He went to MS and did well....until the demands and social communication complexes were too much and then he was isolated, excluded when he dysregulated and fell out of school. There is rubbish funding for the right level of support and limited will to change the ethos of the school for 1 child, the child must fit in.

He started as his ASD school when he was in year 4 and now is in year 9 and beyond thriving and on track for many GCSEs. He has a wide circle of friends, all autistic all happy in their own skin. An amazing community of staff and parents who get autism, teach in a ND way and many are autistic themselves and there is a strong culture of mental health and social communication support woven through the school.

I guess it depends on whether you think autism is something that needs to be developed out of the children so they can fit into a mainstream world or whether you think it's a two way street.

But I would never underestimate the power of a child being surrounded by people like them.

How did you do your research? Was it via reading all the ofsted reports or do you have a better method? X

A combination. The best way we found was to visit schools and speak to SENCo. Discussions with the SENCo gave most helpful insight into whether they understood our sons needs. Sometimes they language they used told us all we needed to know but the really good ones just ‘got him’.

Thank you, that's helpful to hear. Our SENCO is just awful and I'm not sure whether to move my children or not. The main thing holding me back is my fear that all the schools are going to be equally dreadful

I think it largely depends on what the special needs schools are like near you. I have 3 children with add and they are all in mainstream (about to start year 13, year 11 and year 5). Older 2 don't have an ehcp but younger 1 is about to start the assessment process. All are high functioning although youngest has the kind of autism that means he is working at greater depth for maths but can't be trusted with scissors because he will cut his hair, clothes and eyelashes. At the moment he is in mainstream with an amazing teacher who goes above and beyond for him but goodness knows what we will do about secondary school when the time comes.

Most state special schools are for children with learning disabilities. If your child is academically able, they are more likely to go to a state mainstream with support, or a resourced unit attached to a mainstream school. Some children who are academically able are placed in independent special schools but my experience is that the social needs need to be carefully balanced.

So did mine. They can cope in junior and infant.

She spent all of KS4 in lockdown and then couldn’t cope with KS5 and became a school refuser. She was on target for 3x A* A levels. Now she’s in her room all day whikst we fight for an EHCP at 17.

Dont let this happen to your child. Don’t assume because they can cope in year 3/4/5/6 etc, they’ll cope in secondary school. If l had her time again I’d have had her in a high functioning special school.

for ds i looked at the websites for each school as a start point, checked what they offered and how that would fit with DS needs. I also read ofsted (with a massive pinch of cynicism!) and spoke to other parents and the professionals in DS life.

i had a list of essential and desirable things for the school and then visited the schools I thought may be a possibility spoke to the sencos (with a copy of Ds ehcp)

when it came to secondary I was sure he would need specialist but actually when it came to it one school stood out for DS by miles and that was actually - and luckily! - the local mainstream school. They where able to get the closest balance to what he needed in a way the others couldn’t for DS. If this placement were to fail (touch wood it’s all going very well so far!) then EOTAS would be the only option to meet needs locally.

I have two dc with ASC. DC1 is doing gcses in mainstream. He copes, just about, but school has become harder the older he gets. Both socially and in respect to what he is learning about. He is very intelligent but struggles to learn about things that don’t interest him, his grades are slipping and there is little support for him. Across our county there are 4 ASC resource hubs, which are units attached to mainstreams to accommodate and support autistic units. Obviously the demand for these places is massive, but ds would have done well in one of these I think.

dc2. After a failed school placement that ended abruptly in year 6 due to an autistic burnout and severe mental health issues caused by her masking her autism' she now has EOTAS (Education other than at school), so a tutor comes to our home to educate her. It is far from ideal, I no longer work so I can be at home to support her and if I could turn back the years I would listen and understand when she was trying to tell me she was struggling and not wanting to go to school when she was younger. We might not have got to the place we are in now had she been in a more understanding and supportive environment.

I’ve got friends who have dc who go to some amazing provisions, where autistic dc flourish and do really well academically. Specialised provision isn’t all the stereotypical special schools where children don’t do academic lessons, GCSEs and a levels. There are specialised schools where academic children can fulfil their full potential.

are you part of any local parent groups? We often get parents asking about schools with good Sen departments, they are definitely not all equal and finding a good, supportive SENCO and a truly inclusive environment can really make a difference.

My DD’s are now older teens so I can let you know my experience with both specialist and mainstream.

Dd1 was diagnosed with Aspergers when she was 3, went to mainstream school, was on the gifted and talented register throughout primary school but struggle socially, she had a few friends but also got bullied a lot through primary and high school. She aced her GCSE’s and A levels and is now at uni, she now has loads of friends (most are on the spectrum) and although she’s a few years behind with her social skills she is doing well. I wouldn’t really change the choice we made of mainstream school, we were lucky to have a small high school nearby which made a big difference.

DD2 is more severe, was non verbal until 6/7 years old and still struggles, her sensory issues are extreme, she struggled at mainstream primary and I regret allowing her to go and not fighting for SEN. She went to a specialist high school and is now in a special needs unit at college. My biggest regret is not getting her into specialist school sooner. Sadly she didn’t tick enough boxes as she was hitting academic milestones, being really good at maths and just about keeping up in English. Getting a place in a SEN school here is almost impossible with a child who doesn’t have learning disabilities (is hitting targets in maths and English).

So my DC’s are the complete opposite of each other. It’s hard to say what’s best for your dc but it’s likely you won’t have much choice but to try mainstream.

Thankyou so much for all of your replies, they have all been really helpful, thankyou.
For those that have said how DS is obviously still very young (3 and a half) and can change a lot, in your experience how do they change? DS does alot more imaginative play now than he did 6 months ago when it was literally lining everything up or rolling and dropping things off the table on repeat, whereas now he will play with say a PJ Masks figurine and say hold on Catboy I’m coming to save you etc, there’s by no means a whole story going on but it’s a huge change to as I said just lining things up on repeat. He really enjoys being read to more now and telling me what animals etc are on the page whereas it was a real struggle to get him to sit still long enough to finish a single page before. I would probably say they were the main changes in 6 months.
Oh God the idea of him being as vulnerable as he is now just eats me alive.

But having said the above, about him sitting to be read to now, other than when reading or doing puzzles he is constantly on the go, climbing and jumping, as mentioned really struggles to follow instructions, very impulsive (runs off in public), no danger awareness.

Is he in nursery?

If so what have they got in place to help him?

I have a 10 year old with ADHD and ASD. I'd say the main change as she's got older is the differences between her and her peers have got more obvious.

She's very sociable and has a knack for making friends but she does run into social difficulties a fair bit.

She's very able and incredibly observant (about some things - not "people" things) and doesn't like to learn to anyone else's agenda.

She needs a huge amount of physical activity to regulate.

If she likes someone she'll do pretty much anything they suggest, and vice versa.

I'm planning that she'll attend the secondary school where I teach as tbh I can't see how else her needs are going to be met, whatever the EHCP ends up saying.

He goes to preschool. They have had the local authority SEN Advisor visit to give advice and have requested an EHCP. They need to staff him 1:1 when out of the setting for walks etc and if he is upset.

Is preschool attached to a school?

I kept my son in private nursery and we were able to apply for funding so he can have 1-2-1 everyday, (x amount of hours are granted per week) and this has helped massively.
Is this an option at a preschool?

My DC’s mainstream school has an additional unit for SEN children. Each child is allocated to a mainstream class, and will spend time in that class depending on their ability, but may then also go to the SEN unit. The unit has a sensory room, ball bit, climbing wall as well as a small classroom, where children may be taught 1:1 or in a small group.
could something like this work for your son?

No it isn’t attached to a school but has a close relationship with the nearby primary school (lots of children who attend that preschool go to the primary school 2mins away, which is where my elder child goes too). The SENCO at the primary school is aware of my son having ASD and seemed very welcoming/not adverse to him attending etc but we have only had a very brief conversation and she pretty much said come back nearer the time to discuss. It’s a very small, single form to each year group school. I have no idea how many children with additional needs attend but none that are immediately obvious, as is the case with my son.

Quick google search suggests the nearest mainstream primary with a “COIN” unit for ASD attached is 30mins away. If that’s what is needed, am I likely to get a space there as surely that would be out of the catchment area especially in view of how places are hard to come by?

I'm a Special school senco & mum of a child with asd who went to mainstream

Our reception children all have age equivalences of under 18months at point of entry and we are typical of the special schools within our local authority

There are some fabulous resource provisions around but a lot of them are for children who have quite high level sensory needs and can't cope in a mainstream classroom

I'd start off in mainstream, particularly for reception and then make the decision based on how well the school is meeting his needs and whether they think they can continue to do so

But of advice on the EHCP -when you get the draft plan read it very carefully. There are a lot of stock phrases that they will add based on diagnosis -these may or may not be relevant to your child but can be the reason a school will say they can't meet his needs when they actually can -you don't want an ASD plan, you want one personal to your child

If you get an EHCP you can name the school doesn't matter for catchment. If you don't get an EHCP it is harder, but you could appeal if you could prove that the school is the best to meet his needs.

Your eldests primary school might also be a good option.

I have two boys with ASD - one with a profile a bit like your son (10) and one with a more classical presentation (5).

10yo is going into Y6 in mainstream. Whilst he copes with the work fine and has some good friends he hates school. He hates the busy noise in the classroom, the fast changes, everything. He has a brilliant TA who really keeps him emotionally safe but after a very bad year we’re definitely sending him to a specialist high school.

I think it’s worth starting in mainstream but the transition from Y2 - Y3 was a big tricky point for us - the move to more formal learning really stressed him.

The school he’s at has a unit attached for ASD and he spends some time there but that’s not the right place either as the children there generally can’t manage a mainstream curriculum (my youngest is there).

Finding the right fit is really hard.

Just to add though, my son is brilliant. Funny, clever, cheeky, absolutely brilliant. People love him and I know we’ll be able to support him well.

When you view schools, try to imagine your DS there. What would that look like? DD1 was a 'runner' with limited impulse control and very limited sense of danger. Her nearest mainstream school was very open plan, with classrooms opening out onto a central corridor like spokes on a wheel. The fences were about 4½ feet high. We knew that if we sent her there, she'd spend half the day taken out for interventions and half the day with them trying to keep her in the classroom. She would have climbed over the fencing.

Another school had no physical boundary at the edge of the playground - just a white line that 'the children knew not to go past'. Absolutely unsuitable.

That helps to narrow the type of school (she went to special school in the end because no mainstream would have contained her).