I'm worried the baby I'm pregnant with isn't mine and the ivf clinic have given me the wrong embryo

[hcarter8]

Worried baby isn't mine?

I'm very happily pregnant from IVF but can't stop wondering whether the baby is actually mine. We used my eggs and husband's sperm, but I can't help but wondering if our clinic perhaps made a mistake and used someone else's eggs and/or sperm, or replaced someone else's embryo.

I saw an article in the press about ten years ago for having fertilised eggs with the wrong sperm (was noted immediately ) and one of But I can't help but wonder.

I think the reason I'm overthinking is because I've actually witnessed something like this happen to somebody first hand. One of my old work Colleagues about 7 years ago had Ivf, she had a great pregnancy with no issues (she and her husband were black) the baby boy came out white with blue eyes. When the baby was three months they had a DNA test and they were right, it wasn't their child but she grew attached to the baby and didn't want to say anything because she didn't want to give the baby she carries back to it's real mum. I'm not quite sure what happened after that because she relocated it's actually what made me quite hesitant to start IVF but I eventually grew a pair and got over it.

I know it sounds silly because it's so rare but I think it's just my hormones raging and I suppose that even after baby is born, unless it looks extremely different than husband or I we will never actually know for certain whether it's really our baby, unless we do a DNA test to put my mind at ease.

Has anyone else had this? Or am I just turning into a loon?

This sounds a bit like a "displacement worry" - I do this all the time when something big is happening in my life - worry about some very unlikely happenstance rather than what's actually going on.

And as you say, unless the baby is obviously a different race, you're never going to know anyway. I'd hold back on doing any DNA test - after a few months with your wonderful baby you'll probably feel you don't even care whether they're genetically "yours" or not.

It didn't occur to me that this is even a thing but I can see how it can happen but then again the odds must be astonishingly rare. Out of interest does anyone know what happens in these situations? Can you reject the child? Do people get payouts? Do they contact the other 'parent' and forge some sort of co-parenting relationship?

OP, I think the stress and anxiety of the situation is most likely to be leading your mind astray. Congratulations!

OP this is a totally normal fear but the chance of it happening is vanishingly rare. If you are really feeling anxious about this please speak to your midwife as they can support your perinatal health.

Since 2016 there’s only been five Grade A incidents at IVF clinics in the UK and none in 2021-22. Most Grade A incidents are damage to embryos not mixups. It would be so very very unusual to happen, not least because most clinics use electronic tagging these days.

https://www.hfea.gov.uk/about-us/publications/research-and-data/state-of-the-fertility-sector-2021-2022/#:~:text=Grade%20A%3A%20involve%20severe%20harm,cause%20injury%20or%20ill%20health.

Your name says it all. It's nice though that you lessened the blow with xx

I don't believe it at all.

With my eldest I used to worry that I would go to a baby group and bring home the wrong baby. I would hazard a guess that your anxiety has more of an explanation for it happening rather than my wrong baby after baby group one.

I always joke that I am the only one of the three children that we know is definitely Dad's as I am the only one who inherited his genetic condition. (There is no doubt btw, but he can't ever deny I'm his.)

All the best for the rest of your pregnancy,

When I was pregnant (not IVF) I was often convinced there was no baby in there to the point I would cry about it. I used to dream I gave birth to inanimate objects, body parts or a baby so small they couldn’t be seen by the naked eye. Anyway, my daughter is lying next to me now and she is perfect. I sometimes still can’t believe she is here and is my child. I’d say pregnancy does weird things and if it’s something you’ve longed for and struggled for its not surprising you can’t believe it E when it finally happens.x

I know the feeling, and I think this level of anxiety comes from the IVF and infertility process itself, from the learning, planning, coordinating, putting heart and soul into it etc. Not sure about your clinic but mine was so stringent in their movement (or lack thereof) of sperm, eggs and embryos to ensure that the chances of that were almost zero. The facility seemed built around the embryology lab, with hatches in the wall of the sperm sample rooms, the egg collection theatre and egg transfer rooms. This means the embryos are not moved from that lab, as that's where things can go wrong. They have other more strict checks too of course, no lab is going to want to face the moral and financial implications of such a thing.

I too had a fleeting panic our baby wouldn't be ours, and I would advise not getting a 4d scan as there's so much fluid the features can be very different. We had our boy last Wednesday and he's 100% our baby, just try and enjoy your pregnancy as it flies by and as its IVF and hard won, you deserve to enjoy it.

I think when you’ve had such a time of it trying to conceive, and now you finally have that most wonderful and longed for pregnancy, it’s so understandable to be anxious and for all sorts of doubts to be racing through your mind

The chances of this baby not being yours will be staggeringly low as safety and security regulations have been regularly tightened over the years . Even in a regular medical setting, patients even at an outpatient appointment have their name checked each time anyone does anything to them - weight, X-ray scan, blood test, speaking to the consultant etc etc, your name is checked at every stage. Samples all have department names, patient names and nhs number, dob etc etc. You literally can’t take a breath in without someone double checking your name. And quite rightly.

Can you speak to someone at the clinic and tell them your concerns. You won’t be the only person to have this worry. Hopefully they will know how best to reassure you. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Huge congratulations @hcarter8 !

I did have quite a few thoughts about this myself - as previous posters said, it's normal to have displaced anxiety, especially after the trauma that infertility and IVF can bring. I haven't had a single doubt since our son was born, but I now realise I catastrophise a lot... I've always been a very calm person and never suffered from anxiety or anything like that, but the mind is complex and it's still like I can't believe we got this lucky and nothing is wrong at the minute. I just try to go through everything rationally, think of statistics, etc. I hope you find a way to lighten the mental load, and wish you all the very best xxx

Whether the embryo is your DNA or not, the baby will still be yours. You will have grown the baby, birthed the baby, the baby will know your smell and your voice and your touch. The baby will be yours regardless of which egg or sperm was used. This is why surrogacy is incredibly damaging, the baby recognises and needs the birthing mother regardless of DNA.

And I don’t mean to dismiss your concerns, it is normal for some women to be anxious or worried during pregnancy but if you’re finding it’s a bit too much your midwife will definitely be able to offer advice and support or a referral to your perinatal mental health team if you want it. If it’s not causing you much issues though then you’re doing fine, pregnancy can be rough with the hormones and emotions but it does pass

I think of myself as not usually anxious but I voiced the concern when we had embryo transfer. Staff pushed the Petri dish forward so I could see our name on it and reassured us that multiple checks are always carried out.

I think it’s normal to be concerned but mistakes are surely very rare due to checking.

I wish you all the very best with your pregnancy .

@sewerrat i think context is important. You only shared your exposure to a higher volume of IVF couples after someone challenged the validity of your post. You can give the truth, but deliver it with the relevant context and care. I’m sure your high exposure to lots of IVF couples also gives you insight to a massive number where this doesn’t happen too, perhaps you could have chosen to share that too 🤷‍♀️

OP it could happen, but as others have said chances will be extremely slim/minute. Did your clinic share any reassurances with you about the process? Did anything happen which has added to your concern during the procedure? I would get in touch with the clinic to get some reassurance. You want to try to minimise your anxiety if possible so you can be as healthy as you can, whilst your little miracle is growing. Take care OP.

This does sound like complete rubbish - about as close to real IVF as Phoebe in Friends talking to the Petri dish.

Having had IVF in several different clinics, my DH was with me on egg collection day & was taken directly from my room/bay to do his sample. At no point was he in a position to review other patients looks - especially as he wouldn’t have known if they were waiting to produce or waiting for their partner to finish having a scan or blood test.

OP, there is no reason to suppose that the baby is not yours, it’s just a more modern version of worrying that the hospital has mixed up the babies. However, speak to the clinic and let them talk you through the checks so you can be reassured. The clinics I went to all had electronic tags on sperm pots & dishes to prevent mix ups plus numerous name checks etc.

I also had different but equally irrational fears during my IVF pregnancies (that I won’t share) and I agree with a previous poster that it’s a reaction to the stress of the conception & disbelief that everything is finally going right.

Good luck with your pregnancy.

This is terrifying, what happened once these funding came to light?!

Oh gosh I had similar in my first pregnancy, I've never ever heard of this before from any one else either online or in person! I also used to dream I gave birth to animals and strange chimeras. Also I dreamed the the tiny baby thing too like a fully formed healthy baby but the size of a walnut. In my dream I'd be so scared and ashamed I'd hide it in a drawer but then be terrified I'd hurt it and pull it out again. Such terrifying dreams.

As you say, I think it's not uncommon (perhaps not exactly normal per se but not uncommon!) to have strange anxieties and fears when pg. Fingers crossed I seem to be much calmer in my second pregnancy. I hope op feels better in time too.

The baby you are gestating is your baby. You are its 'real mum'. There can be no real-er mother.

This is a completely normal fear when you go through IVF. I had exactly the same worry but our son looks just like us.
Our running joke (after a surprise baby after) is that I’m more sure the second surprise baby is ours more than the IVF one whereas DH says he’s more sure on the IVF one 😂 this is all in jest!

OP to be honest I would be sceptical about your ex colleague's story. Maybe they made up the IVF switch story to cover up an affair or something. I had IVF decades ago and there were so many checks back then I just couldn't see any way they could get the embryos mixed up. I still had the same worry that it wasn't ours though, the same as you. I think it must be a common worry.

This reminds me of when my baby was in NICU I was in intensive care and I had lots of anxiety and one of my irrational thoughts was if they gave me the wrong baby.
Hes a mini equally annoying and loud version of my husband 😁 so he’s definitely ours.

This ^^

I had the same thoughts with mine, despite all the checks. I worked out the only two possible blood types (on the rare side) and one was a match, so that reassured me!

Just imagine, half child, half kebab.

ignore unhelpful shit like this, OP. It’s your anxiety talking, and it will be fine

If that story about your colleague is true then I think what she did was very wrong.

Incidents like these are incredibly rare and generally cause a huge fuss when they occur so are publicised widely, at least where a supposedly reputable clinic is involved. I had ivf and I did sometimes think when pregnant, oh at some point maybe we should get a dna test to be certain. Literally before we left the theatre after the c section I knew it wouldn’t be needed. Distinguishing features lol.

However, if you ever did feel the need to have a test to put your worries to rest you could. Bear in mind though that when worrying about something very unlikely it’s often the anxiety itself that is the issue, not the realistic chance of any problem. If so you could end up getting a dna test confirmation then worrying that perhaps they tested the wrong dna, and still not feel at ease.

Right now I would say it is an anxiety issue and I would focus on that, ask your midwife for support. It’s something you can confirm in the future if you need to but no need to consider it now, it’s really not a likely concern.

Good luck, you’ll be riding the hormonal rollercoaster for a while I guess but it will all settle down and be fine x

We have two beautiful girls through IVF.

with my first one I had this same thought, I was worried she would come up black because then it would be obvious the baby isn’t ours and I wanted that baby so so much, I was worried if it wasn’t ours we would need to give it back and I couldn’t do that.

after she was born there were immediately signs that she was ours, the way her toes bend comes from my family for example. I also asked for a blood test and shes and A+ and I am an AB+ and husband O+ so this is a possible combination. Those comforted me in the early days. Now I have no doubt for either girls, the oldest is so much like both of us and the youngest as well. I didn’t even think of this anymore with the second pregnancy and I still don’t know her blood group but I know she’s 100% ours.

don’t worry once the baby is here, after a while you will know. Even without a DNA test.