AIBU with BF about finances?

[notagolddigger]

Boyfriend & I do not live together and have no shared expenses. Both BF and I are on salary and paid bimonthly on the opposite weeks, I earn slightly more than BF per annum (£2,000 potentially rising to £4,000 in September). Both BF and I have no fixed expenses individually and are very lucky financially.

As a student (graduated last May), I was really poor and frugal with my money. Last September I landed my “big girl” job and decided I would have a year of guilt free spending without saving (besides a rainy day/emergency fund) and have enjoyed every minute of it.

BF and I went abroad earlier this year and he was very frugal with his money while I was buying things I wanted. He complained about the cost of alcohol (EU city) while I didn’t look at the price with much concern - we were on holiday and budgeted appropriately! Throughout the holiday, he kept checking in and asking how my finances were - we both showed our bank accounts to each other as well as setting up a shared fault on Revolut - and we were honestly more than fine.

So, we are also going on a sun holiday next month and BF is financially stressed. I was very surprised to hear he felt this way, and when I asked why he said he feels he will be okay but is nervous about me!

He once again asked how my finances were and I reassured him they were fine because they are. I asked why he felt nervous and he said I’ve made a lot of big purchases lately - I explained they were budgeted for - and not included in my current finances. To clarify, I don’t make any silly purchases and I don’t go all out on 5 star resorts when I go abroad, but I like to make sure I eat good and dress nice. My recent big purchases were Coldplay tickets as a present for my mum and money towards obtaining drivers license.

BF is from a wealthy family and has more money than I despite me having a higher salary (inherited wealth) but I have never asked BF for money and since we became a couple and we always split things 50/50 or rotate who pays.

BF & I aren’t together a full year yet and the whole talk about money and finances is really starting to suck the fun out of things. I hate having to prove I have money also just because I like to spend money here and there. I’ve spoke about this with my BF and he just disregards it.

AIBU to feel annoyed? I don’t know what to do.

Just keep that wise self protecting head on your shoulders and be wary of future fakers.

You have clearly done a great job raising yourself despite obstacles.

Listen carefully to your gut.

You deserve only the best.

Actions not words are what you watch.

Stay well clear of bullshitters.

Learn from your mothers tough life having to do it all on your own.

ONE of the greatest predictors for a happy life is choosing well in a life partner.

Choose a dud and you don't half pay for it dearly.

I just felt a bit annoyed when he asked while out for dinner publicly with a table beside us how my savings were, and when I responded they were fine, he continued to pry into it by asking how much. I answered and said I had £1,000 in my bank account at the moment - was being paid in two weeks - and paid while abroad, so I’m very comfortable with my savings for the holidays.

Maybe next time, and times after that, when he quizzes you on your personal financial status in public like this - particularly during a time you're supposed to be relaxing in social circumstances, you can tell him you don't think this is the right time or place for this conversation.

I'm glad you've decided to defer moving in with him in the near future. Personally I'd leave it until long after his house renovations are finished. Nearly one year is not long enough to move into together long term, and give up the advantages of your current rent free accommodation. You may wish to consider seeing if you can get onto the property ladder in your own right long before moving in discussions start again for your own sake, financially. Let him get his employment plans into fruition and settled before taking steps to get closer financially. 🌹

Absolutely! I love this response/advice. My mum & I joked over dinner earlier that if I learned one thing from my father it’s absolutely the type of man I do not want to be with, and that’s a very big lesson to have learned so young!

That’s good advice. I struggle being affirmative so I do need to learn how to put my big girls pants on!

I agree, without sounding selfish, I would probably hate to move into his current home because it’ll always be his home (and in his family) and I would hate to put my own hard money into decorating it. However, he did say it’s not his forever home and he doesn’t plan on settling there so it’ll be interesting to see what actually happens in the future.

100%. I got my pay rise together (woohoo) sooner than expected so I probably won’t disclose to him what the figure is, and just hope he actually does stick to his word & find a job he wants to be in post uni.

Congratulations on your salary increase! Maybe funnel it straight into a dedicated account for your home deposit - take some professional independent financial advice on your best options. 🌹

Well on pay rise! I wouldn’t mention it.

Maybe he sees you as his meal ticket…