is this normal after having a baby/child?! DH thinks I'm being weak

[brokenmuma]

I should say DH is v supportive and he sort of said it in a concerned way, like he didn’t think it was normal. Is it?! I didn’t expect it. Our DD is almost 1. For context I am currently a SAHM and DH does more than his share when around but obviously I am doing the lion’s share generally.

I feel OLD. My body aches. I hurt my back a few weeks ago and it was horrible lifting DD, it has got slightly better now but in general I feel really sluggish. She sleeps ok and it’s not like I’m not sleeping but my feet hurt, I often have headaches, getting my period now is a huge inconvenience as I struggle with my usual period pain and looking after DD - I take stuff for it but it’s just a total ‘urgh’ feeling. I’m constantly rushing around and sometimes when she’s gone to bed I just lie on the bed for half an hour and feel my body pulsating a bit, not sure how to describe it! I do exercise and last week for instance we met a friend and went for a long walk, had lunch. I’m perfectly able to do things but I feel so sluggish and weird parts of my body ache. I am surprised at how physically demanding I am finding it. I have always been quite slim, I’m not massively fit but also can go on a long walk, run up the stairs, etc. Ive never been someone to sit around so I don’t think it’s a generally fitness problem.

I didn’t expect this at all! I eat ok food, not always that healthy but i do try and have a decent meal a day and then also have breakfast etc. I wouldn’t say my diet is much different to pre baby, though I have always had a sweet tooth.

I feel physically a bit of a wreak! I’m 35 so maybe expected? I was fully prepared for my time to be largely given up for DD and have adapted well to that side of things but the physical side is just on another level! I sometimes find myself dreading having to start the day and lift and struggle with nappies and run up and down stairs and genuinely long for the moment in the day where I can sit with a tea!

Post-natally qualified - not Natalie 😆

It’s not normal and some people still get bad symptoms even when your ferritin levels are back up into normal range, you may need them to be very high. Also thyroid issues, coeliac disease, cfs, bowel issues can all make you feel like that. Could you have long Covid? That often comes with POTS which causes low blood pressure.

I agree thyroid needs to be checked if it hasn’t been already. Ask your TSH, anything over 2 suggests a thyroid starting to struggle.

It’s also worth checking Vit D as I had a lot of similar symptoms which was that.

Someone mentioned CFS/ME and that was my experience. Second child at age 39 and a couple of years in was still feeling like crap.
On top of fatigue, the pulsating and headaches are familiar symptoms.
Also sensitivity to light, sound and movement. Feeling unwell after high carb meals (apparently it's a fluid thing). Feeling unwell reaching for things above my head or standing for long periods.
None of this shows up on standard blood tests or blood pressure readings and it takes a while to get a diagnosis as they rule things out. I also had trouble with low mood and feelings of panic but knew it wasn't depression/anxiety because there weren't any thought patterns going along with the emotions so it seemed more physical to me.
Getting diagnosed helped but it's been a long hard process of adapting and learning what works and what doesn't.
Things that have helped: avoiding high carb meals and having a rest after eating, letting go of tasks I don't judge necessary, drinking a glass of water before I get up in the morning, ending the day having done less than I think I could have instead of always pushing for more. Oh and childcare. And meditation, even just 5 minutes a day. And not comparing myself to other people.
I hope you find out what's wrong and something that helps you.

This in spades. My GP told me that the official lowest "acceptable" ferritin was acceptable for a man, but actually for a woman was too low. How much iron are you taking?

And yes to checking what your thyroid test results said. And if they checked for thyroid antibodies. And check vitamin B and D too.

How you are feeling is not normal...and is how I felt before my underactive thyroid was diagnosed.

How are your periods?

WunWun · Today 08:21
What the hell is wrong with your DH though saying that?”

Man concerned about his wife’s wellbeing. Bastard!

I had a baby at 37 and found my energy levels massively depleted. I also have a lower disc issue which is hard.

I have Low iron so take supplements I also take Vit d and a multivitamin.

I do yoga and Pilates (there's at home videos) which help with back issue

I also have anxiety which I think takes a lot of energy and can make me feel rundown

Try to eat healthy, drink lots of water, exercise and get out with baby every day. For house work I found it easier to plan jobs over the week. So do one or two a day plus daily jobs. And don't underestimate how hard it is looking after a lo. Make sure you get some down time.

I have had 3 kids and was like this for the first few weeks after having them but was short on iron due to blood loss from birth. I don't think it's normal for a mum of a 1 year old though so suspect you may have a vitamin deficiency or an underlying medical condition..I take vitamins and they make a massive difference to how much energy I have so they are possibly worth buying.

Calcium could be an issue too.

I agree that you need to see your actual bloods/have vit d, calcium, iron, thyroid all checked. GPs often say 'its fine' if you are just over/under the threshold but it may not be the level YOUR body needs to function well. Id also wonder about the effect of hormones, i had similiar symptoms when my oestrogen decreased

You're still on the tablets for maintenance, I expect ...

Just to say if you miss bath time a couple of nights in a row it's not a big deal. We never did nightly baths. Too much faff and these days would be crazy expensive to use that much hot water 😆

To add more detail, if bfeeding I think calcium can become depleted post pregnancy as there's a strain on it pre birth too. A friend had lots of the symptoms you describe especially regarding lifting etc and it turned out to be low calcium. However, I think sleep deprivation can cause lots of these issues too and so can long covid. If you've had covid in past 6 months that could be a contributor as well?

I’m 39 also with first DD almost a year and no, this does not sound right at all. You need a check up. I felt a little like this when I was pregnant and anaemic.

Another one shouting thyroid thyroid thyroid

I felt like this after DC1 was born and at one point genuinely felt I was slowly dying. I was diagnosed with an under active thyroid and then Hashimoto’s disease. Within 4 weeks of starting medication, I felt like a new woman.

I think this would be more normal if you had a bad sleeper but if you are getting enough sleep definitely get it checked.

I really struggled with lifting and things after my first. Turned out the pregnancy had really messed up my posture and it affected everything down to my achillies tendons! A few simple exercises from a physio helped me. At 1 you've got a fair stretch ahead of you still with lifting into car seats, trolleys and cots so get your back checked properly and pilates really helps.

If your iron levels are now OK then my thinking is your thyroid.

Also dehydration won't help. A water bottle with the target times on it can be helpful (little markers on the side to encourage you to drink a certain amount by a particular time). You can pick them up quite cheaply in the supermarket.

Ohh I don't know actually! I might go back and ask. I was taking iron and vit d tablets but they didn't help much

I felt awful and thought it was due to breastfeeding- turned out to be arthritis

Echoing all the health stuff and hydration is key; but also are you trying to do too much as well as look after a baby all day? What hours does your DH work, plus commute? And he gets a lunch break. What hours are you working on shift with the baby? Zero commute and I guess a nap break/lunch break in the middle of the day but you’ll be on shift from the moment the baby wakes til they go to sleep at the end of the day, so say 12 hours. For me the short morning nap gets taken up with cleaning the high chair, empty/reload dishwasher, prep snacks and lunch and whatever; boom my time is up. Then I fell prey to trying to do it all during the lunch break.

But remember that when your DH is home before work, the household and babycare is as much his responsibility as yours, and same after work. Split bedtimes; alternate. Split the night wakes: he might be going to work all day but so are you, small children are work. Don’t get trapped by taking on all the childcare outside work hours and at weekends, and all the household stuff, and all the mental load. When and if you go back to work it’s hard to recalibrate that load.

Lowering standards helps too! Don’t run around picking up toys during naptime if they’re going to be played with again that afternoon. Accept a bit of dirt and clutter in the early years, and piles of laundry. Not every meal has to be lovingly made from scratch.

I'm post menopause felt like this. GP did full blood test. My folic acid was on the floor, my ferritin levels high.

I agree with bloods being done I've had a few friends who's bloods post baby were concerning. They were treated and back to normal in no time.

Womens hormones never stop misbehaving @brokenmuma

Not read the full thread but..agree you need to check what exactly was tested when you had your bloods done. Vit D may not have been tested at all.

Pretty sure last time I had iron of 55 i was symptomatic so keep up with the supplements.

Definitely drink more water if you're not getting much.

Swith up your exercise: having a baby puts a huge toll on the body, really affects your core and once that's gone other parts of your body start compensating which leads to aches and pains and more tiredness. Hugely recommend pilates for helping this. You might also need to slow down and pace your exercise differently, focus on how well youre doing things rather than how much of them youre doing. And maybe look at strength training instead of cardio.

Nutrition & sleep: track these for 2 weeks, which should give you a clear picture of how well you're resting and feeding your body. Often the reality is different to what we think and once you have a clear picture you can identify where changes can be made.

Tracking these is also important if you need to go back to the gp again. You can present the data and say, look I know I have a 1 Yr old and it's normal to be worn out, but this is my diet, this is my sleep, this is my exercise and these are my symptoms...help.

It gives the gp something to work with rather than just 'tired all the time'.

Yes I agree, I was feeling same as pre-pregnancy by 1 year after birth. As well as iron and thyroid, is it possible that you could have glandular fever (I’d assume the blood test would have picked it up but it might be worth checking?).

It's really good your DH noticed, sometimes we just struggle through and it's not until someone says something we realise.
I'd get Thyroid levels checked as PP have mentioned, this was my problem and easily managed

I look after grandchildren (all three and under ) four days a week. We do a lot of active stuff, soft play, swimming etc and I get really tired. However, I am heading for 75. I don't ever complain ( or there might be repercussions) but I am so tired in the evenings. Or I think I am. I never know if it is a mind thing. I expect to feel tired so I feel tired. Feeling like you do OP at 35 with just one child is unusual and a bit worrying I think.