is this normal after having a baby/child?! DH thinks I'm being weak

[brokenmuma]

I should say DH is v supportive and he sort of said it in a concerned way, like he didn’t think it was normal. Is it?! I didn’t expect it. Our DD is almost 1. For context I am currently a SAHM and DH does more than his share when around but obviously I am doing the lion’s share generally.

I feel OLD. My body aches. I hurt my back a few weeks ago and it was horrible lifting DD, it has got slightly better now but in general I feel really sluggish. She sleeps ok and it’s not like I’m not sleeping but my feet hurt, I often have headaches, getting my period now is a huge inconvenience as I struggle with my usual period pain and looking after DD - I take stuff for it but it’s just a total ‘urgh’ feeling. I’m constantly rushing around and sometimes when she’s gone to bed I just lie on the bed for half an hour and feel my body pulsating a bit, not sure how to describe it! I do exercise and last week for instance we met a friend and went for a long walk, had lunch. I’m perfectly able to do things but I feel so sluggish and weird parts of my body ache. I am surprised at how physically demanding I am finding it. I have always been quite slim, I’m not massively fit but also can go on a long walk, run up the stairs, etc. Ive never been someone to sit around so I don’t think it’s a generally fitness problem.

I didn’t expect this at all! I eat ok food, not always that healthy but i do try and have a decent meal a day and then also have breakfast etc. I wouldn’t say my diet is much different to pre baby, though I have always had a sweet tooth.

I feel physically a bit of a wreak! I’m 35 so maybe expected? I was fully prepared for my time to be largely given up for DD and have adapted well to that side of things but the physical side is just on another level! I sometimes find myself dreading having to start the day and lift and struggle with nappies and run up and down stairs and genuinely long for the moment in the day where I can sit with a tea!

Idk OP I feel the same way… just thought it was parenting?

Definitely get your thyroid checked. Did they definitely check your vitamin d level?

No, this doesn’t sound normal. I’m 49 with a ten month old and work three days a week and have lots of energy and although it’s hard work, I definitely don’t ache and find the physical side hard going. At the moment my baby is waking at 3am and 530am so it’s not as if I’m having tons of unbroken sleep but I just don’t feel that my experience of having a baby is particularly exhausting.

That's a really good example of what I just said about thyroid - a quick Google will show you that 55 is very much at the lower end of what's normal for an adult woman. So 55 might be technically ok and the GP will tell you that, but actually you personally need a higher ferratin level to feel well.

I had that and it turned out to be thyroid. My TSH numbers were borderline in-range but after I kept going back they checked for antibodies and finally agreed to medicate me. I'm a different person when my thyroid is right.

Did you breastfeed?/Are you still?/When did you stop? Levels of relaxin take around 9 months to return to normal after stopping breastfeeding, and that's how long it took for me to lose that "broken" feeling. I got so many back injuries lifting an increasingly-heavy dc in that time period. Just to reassure you it won't last forever and if you're feeling that way, be careful with yourself!

Can you be more specific about what hurts when you describe the aches and pains? Legs? Feet? Arms? Fingers? Do you experience tingling or numbness? Heaviness in the limbs? Shooting pains? Cramps? Has your eyesight changed? Do you fall over or trip more than you used to?

It could be core strength has been damaged, my stomach muscles were FUBARed after pregnancy. I also developed an auto immune disease after my last pregnancy that left me feeling like death but at the time I wrote it off as a new mattress/baby not sleeping etc. when she was 16 months old I went for what I thought was a consult for carpal tunnel and came out with a diagnosis of moderate rheumatoid arthritis!

It’s good you are seeing the GP. You are clearly very tired though … be kind to yourself. Maybe you need a bit of a break/change. Perhaps DH could have the baby for a couple of hours twice a week, and you go out for a walk/swim/shop/coffee or read or do hobby or meet a friend.
Or maybe a little holiday or if that’s not possible, a few days ou/picnics to change routine?
DH could then do bathtime while you sit with your feet up.

What type of birth did you have? I had v traumatic birth - haemorrhaged, injuries etc. I honestly only feel back to normal after 4 years! I was always achy and felt just so weak and old. Had very low stamina. My body was clearly totally put through the ringer. I’ve had physio and slowly increased my stamina to the point where I can do things at the pace I used to. Covid didn’t help me obviously as I could really do much for a year or so.

I think you should go back to the Gp. I had one of my children at 35 and although tiring it wasn’t as you describe. I did have back pain a lot and still do sometimes, that was definitely something to do with that pregnancy although I never got it checked out, but even though I was tired from lack of sleep it wasn’t really a physical thing.

A previous colleague had similar sounding symptoms, but actually much worse, especially the aches and pains. Dr told her it arthritis. Suffered for a few years. Then discovered she actually had developed an intolerance to processed white flour and, although I could be making this bit up, gluten.

Total overhaul of her diet and she was a different person.

Apparently, pregnancy can cause unexpected side effects because of the hormone overload. Most women are completely fine, but for some, their bodies can't quite cope and odd things, like a food intolerance, can occur after birth.

If you are getting lots of aches and pains, then have a read up about processed white flour and the effects it can cause and see if it sounds plausible to you.

And I think your hubby was right to mention something that doesn't seem right to him. He knows you better than most.

Are you still breastfeeding. As I felt that really had an effect on me - joints felt really
loose for quite a long time.

When they did your bloods did they check FSH for early menopause? When did your mum go through it? Are your periods regular? Apparently peri symptoms start in mid 30s for lots of women, they just don’t realise. But fatigue one of the earliest indicators.

Am assuming thyroid was checked alongside other bloods too?

I don't know why people are saying this isn't normal because they didn't feel this way - that's not exactly a wide data sample.

I do feel somewhat like this OP, it's obviously hard to quantify HOW tired you're talking, but it's certainly normal to feel tired imo. All you can do is see a doctor.

I think 50 is the cut off point for officially low ferritin, but a female GP told me it needs to be in the hundreds to really feel well.

Iron levels and thyroid. Also check how borderline you are. Just had a baby, and had some blood loss but had to insist on an iron levels check as they thought I hadn't really lost enough blood to affect my levels - however I had. It wasn't too bad, but as I have lowish blood pressure as standard the combo made me feel rough. They prescribed some iron and within a couple of hours I was already starting to feel better.

Standard levels/ assumptions do not take into account idiosyncrasies in your own body. For example build/ stature/ weight/ any other issues like digestion etc.

If you are not well, ask to interrogate the results and check against thresholds.

No I didn't feel like that. I doubt you will get anywhere with your GP. You need to see an endocrinologist who specialises in exhaustion/pain. You will have to pay. PM me if you want the name of the chap who helped turn dd round. We are SW London/Surrey so possibly not the right geographical area for you. What you name describing sounds more like ME/CFS to me.

FWIW my TSH ramped up in late pg (nearly 30 years ago so nothing done about it) which meant I became hypothyroid despite taking 100mcg Levothyroxine. I did not feel like you do, just a bit cold.

I feel like this too

Not having enough water makes me feel exhausted. And really cranky!

Are you/were you breastfeeding? If so you definitely need more fluid than a few mugs a day.

I felt like this when my eldest was a toddler and kept writing it off as “I have a toddler and I work, of course I feel tired and crap”. It was my thyroid, it had gone under active

Definitely get your thyroid checked if you haven't, several friends have had thyroid trouble post pregnancy.

Another thing to consider - covid? I felt similar for a long time after my first dose.

If you are normally introverted the stress of having to be "on" all day with a baby could also be making you feel exhausted. But it does sound like something is up. Good luck.

I’m getting a full check out. I’ve felt like this for ages. Periods gone crazy. Body aches all the freaking time.

my dr thinks it’s maybe my coil wearing out. I’m getting it replaced next week so hopefully will see some difference (especially in pre period symptoms which are really dragging me down).

for me life is busy and stressful. Two kids. Full time job. Gym. Other activities with the kids. Probably not eating the best at the moment either. Not sleeping well. Etc. it all adds up and takes its toll but definetly get things checked out.

Pregnancy and birth absolutely batters your body. Then you have a new baby to take care of 24/7 and no time for yourself. If the GP has checked your bloods for all the deficiencies then you're probably just exhausted and run down. I would definitely recommend something like yoga done regularly. It sounds like your DP is concerned so he should be open to giving you the time for some self care. It's hard to make yourself do any kind of exercise when you feel terrible, but start slow and persevere. Hope you feel better soon x

This you need to check for thyroid antibodies too the other thyroid tests can be normal but you might have hashimotos.