is this normal after having a baby/child?! DH thinks I'm being weak

[brokenmuma]

I should say DH is v supportive and he sort of said it in a concerned way, like he didn’t think it was normal. Is it?! I didn’t expect it. Our DD is almost 1. For context I am currently a SAHM and DH does more than his share when around but obviously I am doing the lion’s share generally.

I feel OLD. My body aches. I hurt my back a few weeks ago and it was horrible lifting DD, it has got slightly better now but in general I feel really sluggish. She sleeps ok and it’s not like I’m not sleeping but my feet hurt, I often have headaches, getting my period now is a huge inconvenience as I struggle with my usual period pain and looking after DD - I take stuff for it but it’s just a total ‘urgh’ feeling. I’m constantly rushing around and sometimes when she’s gone to bed I just lie on the bed for half an hour and feel my body pulsating a bit, not sure how to describe it! I do exercise and last week for instance we met a friend and went for a long walk, had lunch. I’m perfectly able to do things but I feel so sluggish and weird parts of my body ache. I am surprised at how physically demanding I am finding it. I have always been quite slim, I’m not massively fit but also can go on a long walk, run up the stairs, etc. Ive never been someone to sit around so I don’t think it’s a generally fitness problem.

I didn’t expect this at all! I eat ok food, not always that healthy but i do try and have a decent meal a day and then also have breakfast etc. I wouldn’t say my diet is much different to pre baby, though I have always had a sweet tooth.

I feel physically a bit of a wreak! I’m 35 so maybe expected? I was fully prepared for my time to be largely given up for DD and have adapted well to that side of things but the physical side is just on another level! I sometimes find myself dreading having to start the day and lift and struggle with nappies and run up and down stairs and genuinely long for the moment in the day where I can sit with a tea!

I was a physical wreck when DD was one, carrying her, lifting her, pushing the buggy messed up my body. I started doing youtube yoga, pilates and light weights and resistance at home and it was much better with DS 4 years later. I also had to start not having caffeine after 11 am when I turned 30, because my sleep quality changed

This suggests it might be your mental health rather than physical that's affecting you most.

It might just be a change of lifestyle. Many people find the activity patterns of looking after a baby/toddler very different to how they were before. The lack of structure but addition of busyness might mean you look after yourself less - drinking enough, types of snacks, timings of meals.

She's had her ferritin checked, it was 50

OP I found after my first that I was using completely different muscles, I was really fit before having him but my upper body strength hadn't been great, he was a big baby and I soon found the strength in my arms and back increased with lifting him and the pram etc, but I struggled with lack of sleep. Breast feeding is also exhausting, I have done both, bottle fed twins and I was much less tired in their first year

Will add that you are certainly not ‘weak’ and you should not think of yourself in that way.

Chronic dehydration can definitely make you something like this. Maybe start there and concentrate on ensuring you're drinking more. The slight debunked 2 liters per day is probably a good aim for where you are now and with it being warm. Stick a slice of lemon in it if you don't like it straight.

Being hydrated will also raise the blood pressure in case that's dipping below healthy and causing the pulsating.

I'd also start keeping a food diary and see if you're heavy on anything. It may be an intolerance or just an imbalance (sugar?- you say you've a sweet tooth). But try the water for a couple of weeks before your tweek anything else.

You might also want to check you're not doing too much exercise if you do a lot. I didn't get vibe that from your post though.

Hopefully it is that simple and if not it's back to the doctor and insist they have a think about what else it could be.

Bringing up children can be the most draining thing both physically and especially mentally so some of it probably is the toll of that. But for what it's worth I think that it's more likely to be that childcare has got in the way of self-care than it being the direct cause.

Good luck. I really hope it is just that you need to drink more or adjust your diet and you find a capable doctor of it's something else. 💐

That whole body pulsating thing usually means dehydration for me. But also, I found looking after an older baby just physically exhausting. Mine were all huge babies, they crawled very late, and generally wanted carrying a lot- this was very different experience from some of my friends who had tiny little babies who happily crawled around the floor for hours on end and hardly ever seemed to need carrying!

Felt the same for the first 18 months with DD.

I was 39 when we had her and was semi fit whilst pregnant but struggled to keep it up afterwards.

I think it was a combination of low iron, PND, my age and fitness levels and the sheer relentlessness of having a baby sapping your mental and physical energy.

How is your DH? Does he do 50% of night feeds, does he take his share of other tasks, household stuff and mental share? If not then why not?

I'd say a day in the office is 100% easier than a day with a baby every time and by comparison someone working has had a break compared to the SAHP.

I would get a doctors appt and check your thyroid and iron levels and whatever else the doctors suggest.

I have underactive thyroid and very low iron/ferritin levels and symptoms similar to what you're saying. The doctor said he thinks my thyroid issues were triggered by pregnancy so makes sense

Yep right there with you - two year old and 4 year old and I work full time and I currently have a chest infection. Yay.

This.

Plus consider if you are eating enough food? The comments about being slim and making sure you eat one meal and breakfast each day made me wonder. One meal? Surely you need two meals and breakfast?

Finally, young children are relentless and you may be needing a regular time or hobby for yourself. What hobbies or interests made you feel happy before you had your DD? Would returning to doing them, even in a modified way make you feel better about things?

I was feeling a bit like this after number 2. But I'm 45 and have a nearly 2 year old and a 3 year old. And work full time.

I found over time what a lot of others have mentioned, there is a range of normal for blood tests and as long as you are in range the gp will say it's fine. Iron, vitamin d and thyroid levels can be at the bottom or top of normal and still be affecting you. I had a couple of private blood tests where you get a dr report afterwards and ended up taking them back to gp for prescription iron. I also took high dose vitamin d, it made a huge difference.

In the interest of time if money isn't an issue, I'd be tempted to do a full blood test again privately and then see if it shows things you can fix over the counter. Or if not, the a copy of the report back to gp for action. Vitamin d is ok around 55 but I got mine up to around 90 and felt far far better! There are lots of companies but I used medichecks at the time. They seemed quite efficient.

I feel like this too. I just assumed it was normal, but having read this I can see it's not, so I will be making a GP appointment too.

I’m like this. All bloods normal apparently. The relentlessness of parenting? I do have three though and years of no sleep

I feel very similar to this sometimes (also have a 1 year old). Had iron levels checked and like you was told they weren't great but nothing to worry about.

I've actually realised a correlation with my period and feeling like this. Almost like in the week running up to it the hormones make me exhausted and totally wipe me out. I went back on the pill and that made it 100 x worse as I felt like it every day rather than just in the week before so I came off it and felt much better.

Something to consider if you're back on the pill or maybe you need to get your hormones looked at? X

I don't think it sounds normal at all.

You describe how I felt before my underactive thyroid was diagnosed.

If your gp checked this, I'd urge you to get a print out of your results. They will often tell you everything is "no further action" when you're actually slightly outside or borderline what they consider normal.

I got nowhere with my gp so paid for a private thyroid test medichecks. My gp wouldn't treat me based on that, but it provided enough evidence that they then allowed me an nhs test.

https://www.medichecks.com/products/well-woman-advanced-blood-test

@brokenmuma firstly squishes.

are you or were you breastfeeding.

have you B and D levels been checked? They can cause fatigue etc.

fluid. Make sure you hit your fluid target everyday of possible. Preferably not all coffee based. I aim for 1.5 litres with 2 as golden target.

ot is lnackering being a mum but all to often we write off the fatigue etc as just how it is.

Iron/b/d and fluids are really important on top of normal nutrition

good luck.

Sorry, sent too soon - it might be that being a SAHM is not for you? I know a lot of people who didn't realise it was getting them down until they went back to work, and felt the burden of constant childcare lifted off them.

Well I thought it was normal as that’s how I feel constantly, never having 5 mins to myself but clearly not according to comments here 😂

No. I had mine in my 40s and didn't feel this. Get some blood work done - as mentioned upthread it could be simply lack of iron and vitamins, and you need to rule anything else out.
And conversely, getting sone exercise will help too.

NHS normal range for ferritin is 40-400, so while your GP is correct that 55 is within the normal range, it is very much at the low end and as you say you have gone from 6 to 55 on iron tablets, it suggests that this is the cause of your symptoms. Iron tablets take ages to have an effect, and the symptoms you describe are very much in line with iron deficiency anaemia. It might be worth going back to your GP and asking if there is anything else they can offer to increase your ferritin levels more quickly. My SIL suffered for a couple of years until her levels got back to what was normal for her.

My DS is 18 months and this was exactly how I've been feeling. I thought it was normal for ages but the last few weeks I switched the iron tablets for liquid iron I got in Holland and Barrett and it's made a huge difference! I think it's definitely been my iron levels and the liquid seems to absorb much better.

It’s definitely not normal but happens to lots of us after having children.

mums do so much, many mothers I see have dreadful diets (many eat leftovers or whatever they can grab) and are dehydrated, running on very little sleep. This eventually catches up with them hence feeling sluggish and exhausted.

B12 is not routinely tested for in many blood tests, did the levels look ok? It’s the „engine oil“ in our body, make sure the levels are okay. It’s safe to take supplements as you can’t overdose it. Any surplus gets excreted naturally.

Do you do any resistance training, cardio? What does your training consist of? Do you attend buggy fit classes or postnatal fitness sessions? Postnatal Pilates? (I would avoid yoga as you need strengthening rather than becoming more supple). There’s nothing wrong with Yoga for mindfulness but if you feel weak, that isn’t going to help you build muscle tone.

If you have the money then I’d see a recommended post-Natalie qualified Personal Trainer, someone who will teach you the importance of TUT (time under tension) and knows how to look after your diastasis rectii (if this might be an issue). You sound like you need some time for yourself and I‘m sure your dh will support you.