is this normal after having a baby/child?! DH thinks I'm being weak

[brokenmuma]

I should say DH is v supportive and he sort of said it in a concerned way, like he didn’t think it was normal. Is it?! I didn’t expect it. Our DD is almost 1. For context I am currently a SAHM and DH does more than his share when around but obviously I am doing the lion’s share generally.

I feel OLD. My body aches. I hurt my back a few weeks ago and it was horrible lifting DD, it has got slightly better now but in general I feel really sluggish. She sleeps ok and it’s not like I’m not sleeping but my feet hurt, I often have headaches, getting my period now is a huge inconvenience as I struggle with my usual period pain and looking after DD - I take stuff for it but it’s just a total ‘urgh’ feeling. I’m constantly rushing around and sometimes when she’s gone to bed I just lie on the bed for half an hour and feel my body pulsating a bit, not sure how to describe it! I do exercise and last week for instance we met a friend and went for a long walk, had lunch. I’m perfectly able to do things but I feel so sluggish and weird parts of my body ache. I am surprised at how physically demanding I am finding it. I have always been quite slim, I’m not massively fit but also can go on a long walk, run up the stairs, etc. Ive never been someone to sit around so I don’t think it’s a generally fitness problem.

I didn’t expect this at all! I eat ok food, not always that healthy but i do try and have a decent meal a day and then also have breakfast etc. I wouldn’t say my diet is much different to pre baby, though I have always had a sweet tooth.

I feel physically a bit of a wreak! I’m 35 so maybe expected? I was fully prepared for my time to be largely given up for DD and have adapted well to that side of things but the physical side is just on another level! I sometimes find myself dreading having to start the day and lift and struggle with nappies and run up and down stairs and genuinely long for the moment in the day where I can sit with a tea!

TBH I feel a bit like this too, my son is 20 months. I'd put it down to my core strength being shot post-pregnancy plus nerve damage in my hips from pregnancy, but maybe I should investigate further. I'm not anaemic and my thyroid is fine (had it checked a few months ago).

Did you have an epidural? I had back problems for years after.

Dehydration (not extreme, just not drinking enough water throughout the day) is what can cause my DH to have low blood pressure, which makes him feel weak and dizzy.

Perhaps you just need some "me" time although its ages since I was a SAHM what I found really boosted me was having 2 days a week where he went to nursery that gave me time to do all the household things, get shopping done, go for a swim and meet friends. It worked so well that I did this with all 3 and it also helped them get ready for school as they were not with me 24/7.

Sorry if someone has already said this but you should go to a women’s health physio to have your abdomen muscles checked. I had diastasis recti after each child and it didn’t repair on its own. Left me with. Really sore back and feeling incredibly weak. Actually got worse as the baby got older because they get heavier and more wriggly. I could never do bath time because I never felt strong enough.

I was shocked how much following the exercises after one session with a physio improved things. I had just assumed my body was like that now. also, If you had a c section you need to massage your scar because of the scar tissue. That definitely made my recovery after my second harder.

As a starting point make sure you are sucking in your stomach muscles (like you’re trying to get your belly button to touch your spine) every time you lift your child or anything else for that matter. Also engage when you are pushing the pram and walking up the stairs. If you can intermittently engage your pelvic floor as well. Your core needs restrengthening. A Pilates class with a trainer who specialises in postnatal recovery would also be good.

Honestly I felt like this for a good 4 years after having my twins. I work FT, as does my DH and we are very much 50/50 with all household and child related work. My bloods etc were fine after I went to the GP. I remember asking my DH ‘Is it just me or do you feel generally pretty awful all the time?’ And he was like ‘omg, yes!’. I have noticed in the last year or so, I’m feeling much much more normal.

My youngest is over 2 and I'm very similar. Had multiple blood tests thst keep coming back normal. I'm in my late 20s so I don't think its an age thing. I seem to need double the amount of sleep I've ever needed before. I don't really have any answers OP but do keep on at your GP.

Pregnancy can be the start point for autoimmune diseases. I was diagnosed with one I've lock down, I was not really the same after my last pregnancy and was so tired all the time. It can take multiple GP visits to get to the bottom of things.

Yes, me too. I narrowed it to to the relaxin hormone still wreaking havoc on my body. Peaked 2-5 months after birth, but has hugely improved if that's any help!

I used to be so exhausted getting home from a day at work that I periodically felt like I was getting the flu and had to just lie there on the sofa - I was about 25. Then I found out I was coeliac. Worth getting tested!

Oh also, my mum’s coeliac symptoms got so bad just after she had me that my dad used to have to carry her to the toilet. All stopped when she got her positive test! It can be really triggered by stress.

I was knackered all the time and bingo coeliac. Feeling a lot better now.

I feel like this too! Had my bloods checked and told all normal. . .its so frustrating as I feel exactly like you do, so run down all the time. Hope you get some answers x

Yes to looking a bit more closely at thyroid results.
How low is your BP?
I would be wondering about a nutrient absorption problem or 'referred' depression (I mean where it mainly manifests in symptoms experienced physically).
Not a doctor or otherwise medically qualified, though.

It's definitely not normal (I've had three, the last one at 38, and while there was obv the acute tiredness of sleep deprivation (and mine were all waking me several times a night well into their second year) there was nothing like this deep-seated sluggishness). It's also not something you should just have to put up with.

I have a 10 month old and feel this OP, totally shocked by the replies and will be making myself a gp appointment.

Are you up a lot in the night still ? I am up every few hours so assumed that was it?

Up every few hours is brutal and I'm not surprised you're feeling like shit (but definitely worth getting checked out just in case)

I'm the same as you OP- I actually wondered yesterday whether I had long covid or was it just parenthood?!

Ha, a friend and I both have kids that are 5 and 3, work ft in the same job and have both had long recoveries from covid. We have this conversation regularly - unfortunately asking each other is zero help

Not normal. Maybe you’ve got low iron? Go and see your GP

I’m also 35 with a 1 year old and although I do feel older since having him and do have a back twinge now that I didn’t used to have, I would say generally I’m back to pre-child energy levels and health.

Did they check ferritin (iron stores)? It’s not part of the full blood test so GP’s often don’t test for it. Low ferritin can make you feel crap

@brokenmuma I’m with you, I feel wrecked. I had low iron and vitamin d levels but always have done and take the appropriate supplements. But I feel like I’ve been run over. Did you have a high blood loss during the birth or c-sec? I lost 4 litres and still feel like a zombie. Only thing gp will prescribe is the pill, has written me off otherwise :(

I had a c section,was 39 when I had my little boy and I have MS and I honestly never felt this bad and especially not by time my little boy had turned 1. I'm also a solo parent 80% of the time as my partner works away for most of the month. I'm not saying this to make you feel worse I'm saying that maybe there's something going on underneath on a medical level? I'd ask for full bloods doing and make sure your GP listens. It must be impacting your mental health feeling this exhausted and generally unwell all the time. Sending big hugs. Hope you get it sorted x

I was exactly the same after my third baby in as many years and thought it was to be expected, but I had a blood test done for constant headaches & it turned out to be my thyroid. I’d also recommend taking Floradix for your iron levels, it’s much easier to take then tablets which some people find give them constipation.

I don’t think you are drinking enough fluids. Drink more, just tap water, and your BP will likely increase a little. Have you had your Vitamin D checked? Most people in the UK could do with taking a vitamin D supplement, especially in the winter.

At your stage I had been back at work 3 days pw for 4 months, still breastfeeding, DC waking numerous times overnight, doing fun things with friends on NWDs, I had just driven to and from the alps for a 3 week holiday. I was tired because of the broken sleep and the super early starts, but I was fit enough to manage the alpine walking.

I think you are very wise to try and sort this out now as I think we often put our health last and time for exercise slips. I know I would have better health now if we had more preventative health care in this country and I had made more time for things like Pilates earlier.