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Original poster

Would you find this demeaning coming from your husband ?

130 replies

lighbulber · 29/07/2023 08:30

We recently returned from holiday and were talking about how expensive it was to rent a flat while we were away. I said something like, ' perhaps we could think about buying a second property there and then we would always have somewhere to go on holiday each year and a base for our family and it would work out long term for us all'.. also, properties in this country are cheap and we have local knowledge of the language/ family there etc etc ( this isn't about the ins and out to buying a holiday home ).

Anyway, he turns around and says ' you can't even manage this house ( our family home ) is properly.. let alone a holiday home '.. this really annoyed me.

I recently went away with work. I have a good job with a lot of responsibility. I used to travel all the time for work and he always thinks it's ' stupid ' and a ' waste of time '. He asked how my trip went. I explained that it was challenging and we are hoping it will be worth it in the end and we can get some new contracts from all this work we've put in. So he said ' oh, just another waste of time then '. I said no. These things just take time. I then mentioned that I'll need to go away again in a couple of months for a couple of nights and he again commented it was going to be a complete waste of time. I got annoyed and feel like he has absolutely no respect for what I do.

OP posts:
anothertrainwreck · 29/07/2023 08:31

Sounds like a bit of a dickhead to me

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 29/07/2023 08:32

What the fuck???? I'd have bitten right back "why is it solely my job to manage this house?"

How can you bear to have sex with him he clearly doesn't respect you.

WhineWhineWhineWINE · 29/07/2023 08:34

I agree, dickhead.

Craftycorvid · 29/07/2023 08:35

Wondering if this is the tip of a large iceberg. What’s the relationship been like previously? Has he always been negative about most things, or is it specific to your role at work/at home?

Treacletoots · 29/07/2023 08:35

Oh dear. Has he always been this way?

You don't need to tolerate his clear disrespectful behaviour. It could be misogyny, jealousy or thr need to pull you down to make himself feel better but either way, you don't have to tolerate it.

A partnership should improve your life. If it doesn't, it's time to cut off the dead weight (your husband).

Trust me. He won't change. He doesn't respect you. When people show you who they are, listen. They can't or won't change because they don't want to no matter how mich you tell them how it makes you feel. Consider that.

itsmylife7 · 29/07/2023 08:36

Sounds very jealous and very demeaning.

What would you reaction be if a friend said this to you ?

He's meant to be proud of you not put you down.

Ladypenelopesdog · 29/07/2023 08:37

A partnership should improve your life. If it doesn't, it's time to cut off the dead weight (your husband)

This ^^ with bells on.

MoonLion · 29/07/2023 08:37

I agree, it sounds like he has no respect for you. Why the fuck should it be your job to manage the house when (it sounds like) you both work full time?

cocksstrideintheevening · 29/07/2023 08:38

What a twat.

Mindymomo · 29/07/2023 08:40

If my DH said that to me about running the house, I would say “if you can do better, you’re welcome to do it”. With regards to work, does he understand what your work actually entails? I would find those comments demeaning and I would have to ask him why he’s so negative about your work. Maybe he doesn’t realise how upsetting those comments can be, but I do think you need to tell him how you feel.

7Worfs · 29/07/2023 08:40

What exactly did he mean by “not managing the house properly”?

Original poster
lighbulber · 29/07/2023 08:43

Mindymomo · 29/07/2023 08:40

If my DH said that to me about running the house, I would say “if you can do better, you’re welcome to do it”. With regards to work, does he understand what your work actually entails? I would find those comments demeaning and I would have to ask him why he’s so negative about your work. Maybe he doesn’t realise how upsetting those comments can be, but I do think you need to tell him how you feel.

He just thinks the house is ' always a shit hole '. It's not true. It's not good enough for him ever. Nothing really is.

He thinks most jobs are just corporate bullshit. That's what he thinks of mine. He thinks companies waste lots of money on all these jobs. He doesn't work in the corporate world, but is self employed.

OP posts:
GettingStuffed · 29/07/2023 08:43

Tell him that if he doesn't like the state of the house to do some of the stuff himself. Also he sounds totally jealous of your career. Can you talk to each other to explain your feelings ? A successful marriage is about communication. God knows how I've been married for nearly 35 years. Do as I say don't do what I do 😄

KimberleyClark · 29/07/2023 08:45

Arsehole.

cuckyplunt · 29/07/2023 08:45

I would rip mine a new arsehole for a remark like that, what a dickhead!

7Worfs · 29/07/2023 08:48

lighbulber · 29/07/2023 08:43

He just thinks the house is ' always a shit hole '. It's not true. It's not good enough for him ever. Nothing really is.

He thinks most jobs are just corporate bullshit. That's what he thinks of mine. He thinks companies waste lots of money on all these jobs. He doesn't work in the corporate world, but is self employed.

Show quote history

Well the solution is for him to pay for a cleaner with his excellent non-bullshit job income.

He sounds tedious and a misery to interact with.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 29/07/2023 08:50

How much does he do around the house?

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 29/07/2023 08:51

Buy the holiday home, have a nice time. Dump the husband, sounds like a pompous, envious ( and lazy) dickhead.

WunWun · 29/07/2023 08:51

Why is 'managing the house' your responsibility?

The waste of time stuff just makes it sound like he's not very intelligent

Strugglingtodomybest · 29/07/2023 08:51

you can't even manage this house ( our family home ) is properly.. let alone a holiday home

He just thinks the house is ' always a shit hole '.

Does he help with the house at all? Why does he think it is your problem? Is he sexist in other matters?

Begonne · 29/07/2023 08:51

He just means that his domestic appliance is malfunctioning. Not only is it not satisfactorily cleaning the house, but it occasionally goes completely offline for days at a time.

If you think of yourself (as he seems to) like an old toaster, that burns the toast sometimes, you might be able to understand his perspective.

MoonLion · 29/07/2023 08:53

Would he consider counselling OP? If your marriage is generally good and this is the only issue, it sounds like something that could be worked through.

Lostinplaces · 29/07/2023 08:56

He has zero respect for you as person as a wife as a woman. Ditch the fucker.

Willmafrockfit · 29/07/2023 08:59

i would cut contact, he sounds appalling
he doenst have your back

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 29/07/2023 09:04

He thinks most jobs are just corporate bullshit. That's what he thinks of mine. He thinks companies waste lots of money on all these jobs. He doesn't work in the corporate world, but is self employed

I bet he doesn't turn his nose up at the salary this 'corporate bullshit' brings in. Up to you but I couldn't be with someone who comes out with this PA ignorance and condescension.

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