Child given melatonin without our consent

[HuckleberryBlackcurrant]

DS6 went to his first sleepover last night, at a close friend's house. 4 other kids were there also, ages 6-8.

His friend's mum messaged to say he was asleep shortly after 9 which I found unusual because he would usually stay up later with all that excitement. But I thought that he was just very tired. We have been very busy recently, he has been in swimming lessons and football and was starting a mild cold.

This afternoon when I picked him up it was casually mentioned that the kids were all dosed with melatonin. I know it's super common to do so but our son has never had melatonin, and we certainly would have said no if we were asked.

It put him into a really deep sleep, causing him to have an accident in the night which really embarrassed him.

I didn't really say anything when my friend mentioned this. I was a bit blindsided, and the party was still going on so I didn't know how best to address it.

My husband is really irritated that they went ahead and dosed our child without our consent. Melatonin has been something we agreed not to give our children unless medically directed. He wants me to say something to the parents. I'm inclined to leave it as he's unlikely to go there for a sleepover again for quite some time. I was thinking we could just bring it up if he ever sleeps there again.

My husband thinks that on principle, you don't give a child anything without their parents' consent, so we should raise the issue and set the boundary now. Our children do play there occasionally in the daytime. Usually he is the non confrontational one and I am the one bringing these things up. Idk if it's because I'm 38 weeks pregnant so I just don't feel like pursuing it?

What would you do? Are we right to be irritated?

The US sees it very much as an OTC, no need for prescription.

Actually no. They see it as a dietary supplement which is one level below OTC and subject to even fewer regulations and testing by the FDA. It is not considered a drug in the US.

I wouldn’t even be giving someone else’s kid calpol without asking!!!

My DS has sleep issues that are related to his disability. We haven't had a decent night's sleep in years. Have been in conversation with his paed for a few years over the idea of him being prescribed melatonin. The reason we don't do it is the same reason why it's so highly guarded for kids (in the UK). Your body produces melatonin naturally, it's a hormone. Just like other hormones, if you start introducing manufactured hormones to their growing bodies, it will throw their natural hormones out of whack. Our paed wants to see if our DS's natural melatonin levels start to settle naturally before even considering a prescription. I'm no Dr, but I imagine that for a child with no sleep issues, manufactured melatonin would have much worse side affects/adverse consequences than for a child with sleep issues.

I voted YABU because you don’t want to say anything. Your husband is NOT unreasonable. What happened is so wrong.

@HuckleberryBlackcurrant are you not concerned about the child abuse possibility? Why would they have medicated your child with melatonin? Aren’t sleepovers in the US supposed to be fun, where the kids are a bit OTT and stay up late and chatter all night and have a midnight feast?

Why would kids need a ‘dietary supplement’ to put them to sleep though? And why would you give a ‘dietary supplement’ to someone else’s kid, with the aim of getting them to sleep earlier?
it’s madness.

I would slap her she made your son pee himself
what if he reacted badly too it or woke up drowsy and injured himself , she’s a stupid cow

I don’t intend to be rude but more want to back up your own stance: Here in the U.K, we get the impression that there is a sort of madness with over medicating/drugging children in the USA.

Leave children’s healthy bodies alone.

It’s appalling that she did this. I would go ballistic.

@ScrollingLeaves

Unfortunately you are correct.

even worse if shes a brit she should know better

you wouldnt even give someone elses kid paracetemol without asking first

I’m also in the US so going to weigh in. There’s a few things to unpack here.

US background in melatonin: It’s considered a food supplement in the US and Drs don’t consider it a big deal at all. My child has 2mg only if required. Starting dose for adults is actually 5-10mg with 10mg being more common and all is available over the counter. You buy it next to funny multi-vitamins. It’s something your body produces naturally for most people (children with conditions like ASD can actually have a disrupted melatonin production impacting their sleep/wake cycles). This is also why some people may give a small dose to their children and adults often take it when traveling.

-It helps you go to sleep (produces a slightly sleepy feeling) it does not knock you out or keep you asleep like a sleeping pill.

-The dose OPs son had is teeny tiny and so I wouldn’t be worried from a health perspective.

Ok so as a parent in the US, who knows how common melatonin is used, I would be LIVID if anyone gave my child it and then doing it without my knowledge would mean that my child would never ever be going to their house again. Ever. I just told you my child has it for when really needed, but it’s not something I give often and it’s something I as a parent was able to decide to give with drs suggestion and I actually monitored my child that first time for any adverse reactions. I’d be fuming if my child was given a piriton or calpol too without me knowing. I would NEVER give it to someone else’s child. This is absolutely BATSHIT they did this and see no big deal and I wouldn’t trust their judgment at all. You do not dose other peoples children with anything! The only people I know who have given their children melatonin have not given it to other peoples children. I don’t allow sleepovers as sadly you just don’t know what goes on in other peoples homes.

This makes me feel quite ill. I think it is horrendous. I can also see why the mother did it though, if she’s thinks it’s commonplace.

You can buy a lot of things far too easily in the US.

@JANEY205

It has made me strongly reconsider ever allowing a sleepover again.

We will be seeing them at church on Sunday. We will bring it up then.

When you say it's considered a food supplement... What are the supposed benefits? The vast majority of people self manufacture all the melatonin their body needs.

I'm not disagreeing. But for a lot of Americans, it's like giving the kids a vitamin (why you would give someone else's child a vitamin I don't know but....) so it is a little different from giving them what is a prescribed drug as it is in the UK.

Personally I think 6 is too young for a sleep over and I wouldn't be letting my child go back to that house under the 'supervision' of those parents ever again, day or night, second cousin or not. But some of the posters reacting like they've given the kid fentanyl with their demands to go to the police are OTT and it isn't helpful for the OP while she decides what to do.

I think it's worrying. DS1 takes melatonin prescribed and was on 6mg at 12. He's now on 4mg.
It is prescription only here in the uk obviously and is difficult to get. As it happens I nearly bought some in a Dutch supermarket this week as it's always good to have some, and I confess to having taken some of DS1's on occasion.
However, I'd never give any medication to a child who wasn't mine, without asking, not even calpol.

I’m usually the first to eye- roll at the MN report to police brigade but actually in this case not so. Sedating very young children without parental consent to the point where they wet themselves. If an adult is drugged without their consent it is very much a police matter . I think this is worse.

I also completely agree.

There are big cultural difference between the UK and US, over medicating is one of them. There's no way parents would regularly drug their kids to sleep in the UK and definitely wouldn't do it to other people's 6 year olds.

melatonin can be bought in pharmacies all over the world very easily as gummies ...just not in the uk. This is why parents abroad probably wouldn't think it a big deal.

I also agree. It’s akin to assault in my eyes.

So honestly I have only ever used it for jet lag or I was actually told to take it by my reproductive dr when trying to conceive again as there is some research around melatonin and conception. Otherwise it’s not something I take.

With regards to my child, they had it after a hospitalization as they were all out of sync completely and it helped re-regulate their sleep/wake cycles correctly. It’s not something my child has routinely because as a family I prefer to not use any medication unless needed and in my mind it’s a medication (I am not American).

My American friends use it when traveling or if their child is having huge issues sleeping. Again I don’t know anyone actually who uses it nightly but I’m sure there’s people who do.

Irritated? I would be livid.
I'm UK based and buy 12mg OTC when in the US, or order online. It really works and I agree with PP that for a consenting adult it's not a massive deal to take melatonin but make no mistake, the side effects can be grim. Would never ever give it to my own child, not to mention someone else's. For me melatonin can cause brain fog and dizziness the next day and sometimes explosive diarrhea (sorry if TMI), so now I only take a half and only if I have extreme jet lag or insomnia because they wipe me flat out. I would never take it if I was alone with the DC (tweenies) or DDog.