Child given melatonin without our consent

[HuckleberryBlackcurrant]

DS6 went to his first sleepover last night, at a close friend's house. 4 other kids were there also, ages 6-8.

His friend's mum messaged to say he was asleep shortly after 9 which I found unusual because he would usually stay up later with all that excitement. But I thought that he was just very tired. We have been very busy recently, he has been in swimming lessons and football and was starting a mild cold.

This afternoon when I picked him up it was casually mentioned that the kids were all dosed with melatonin. I know it's super common to do so but our son has never had melatonin, and we certainly would have said no if we were asked.

It put him into a really deep sleep, causing him to have an accident in the night which really embarrassed him.

I didn't really say anything when my friend mentioned this. I was a bit blindsided, and the party was still going on so I didn't know how best to address it.

My husband is really irritated that they went ahead and dosed our child without our consent. Melatonin has been something we agreed not to give our children unless medically directed. He wants me to say something to the parents. I'm inclined to leave it as he's unlikely to go there for a sleepover again for quite some time. I was thinking we could just bring it up if he ever sleeps there again.

My husband thinks that on principle, you don't give a child anything without their parents' consent, so we should raise the issue and set the boundary now. Our children do play there occasionally in the daytime. Usually he is the non confrontational one and I am the one bringing these things up. Idk if it's because I'm 38 weeks pregnant so I just don't feel like pursuing it?

What would you do? Are we right to be irritated?

They are not at home today and will not have phone service
You sound like a bot 🤔

I’m changing my vote to YABU to have created this thread before actually confirming what - if anything - was given to your son.

@HarrietJet

I'm not. We already know their plans for today as they had invited my husband to join them, which he declined because he doesn't want to be out of phone service when I'm so close to delivery.

@wordler

The mum told me she had given melatonin. We want to find out the dosage.

@Weflewinstyle

You're not wrong. It is so normalized here that I genuinely wondered if I were overreacting to be unhappy about it. But taking a step back it's clear I should have said something yesterday.

@Weflewinstyle

Almost 8 yrs.

@Weflewinstyle

I'm not sure which post you mean. I think I've only made 3 on here. Maybe you mean my one about my sister coming. I said I would be 35 weeks when she left, I think? I'm not sure how to look up my own posts

@Weflewinstyle

I've already said I've realized I wasn't thinking straight. I wish I had said something already. It's not fair on my son.

@Weflewinstyle

Assuming you mean immersed

Yesterday I was taken aback and the party was still on the go when I was told about the melatonin. I was also picking up 6 kids. So I'll admit I pushed my initial surprise to the side. When I spoke about it with my husband, his reaction was to be very upset. Based on my previous interactions with other mums here, I wondered if he were overreacting. Now thinking about it more clearly, I can see that I was under reacting and wanting to avoid conflict. Obviously this isn't acceptable when it comes to my child, and I think those who have commented that he shouldn't be allowed to play/sleep there again are not unreasonable.

I think if we can have a productive conversation with them, we can go from there.

One of us should have called them yesterday evening. It's currently mid morning here.

Strangely, my son wet the bed again last night. I wonder if that has anything to do with the melatonin?

It's also really common where I live. people give it to their kids daily in much the same way as they give vitamins. That said It's not something I give to my kids and I would talk to the mum, not OK to give out to others without the OK from a parent.

@Weflewinstyle

Lol. All I asked him was if he had a gummy, and if he recognized the package.

I'm not sure you understand what the word drug means.

It just means any substance that causes a physiological effect. Coffee is (or contains) a drug, called caffeine.

Melatonin is most certainly a drug. That is intended to induce sleep.

The fact that it's a hormone does not stop it being a drug.

I had an auto hide under another user name a few days back. It very greatly annoyed me. It was instantaneous. And inappropriate.

Its a drug in that sense but not in the legal sense, which is important when considering in what way to deal with it (calling the police for instance, would likely be fruitless)

Yes its a drug in the legal sense.

You probably mean its not a controlled substance.

No, it is not overhyped.

Some children have medical issues that mean NO drug should be given by some randomer who wants an easy evening.

Personally I think medicating a child so the parent gets an easier night is abuse. But there you go.

My child has medical issues and if he were to be given medication by someone who does not know what his issues are could fucking kill him.

But you go right ahead with the 'over reaction' narrative.