Child given melatonin without our consent

[HuckleberryBlackcurrant]

DS6 went to his first sleepover last night, at a close friend's house. 4 other kids were there also, ages 6-8.

His friend's mum messaged to say he was asleep shortly after 9 which I found unusual because he would usually stay up later with all that excitement. But I thought that he was just very tired. We have been very busy recently, he has been in swimming lessons and football and was starting a mild cold.

This afternoon when I picked him up it was casually mentioned that the kids were all dosed with melatonin. I know it's super common to do so but our son has never had melatonin, and we certainly would have said no if we were asked.

It put him into a really deep sleep, causing him to have an accident in the night which really embarrassed him.

I didn't really say anything when my friend mentioned this. I was a bit blindsided, and the party was still going on so I didn't know how best to address it.

My husband is really irritated that they went ahead and dosed our child without our consent. Melatonin has been something we agreed not to give our children unless medically directed. He wants me to say something to the parents. I'm inclined to leave it as he's unlikely to go there for a sleepover again for quite some time. I was thinking we could just bring it up if he ever sleeps there again.

My husband thinks that on principle, you don't give a child anything without their parents' consent, so we should raise the issue and set the boundary now. Our children do play there occasionally in the daytime. Usually he is the non confrontational one and I am the one bringing these things up. Idk if it's because I'm 38 weeks pregnant so I just don't feel like pursuing it?

What would you do? Are we right to be irritated?

Omg I would be on the phone reporting her so quick! Your child could have had a reaction or anything, my son gets his prescribed off the hospital paediatric team and is seen every 6 month by the team, this is pretty serious what she's done!

I think it sounds quite sinister. Why would a parent want to make their children's friends almost unconscious with medication to the extent a child didn't wake up for the toilet. It is certainly not common to dose any child up like this. It's dangerous in my opinion.

Report her to whom? It is available in supermarket aisles in the US. she has not committed a crime by giving a non-regulated supplement to child, even one that isn't her own. She was in loco Parentis and gave the child something that is not controlled in any way there.

Didnt see your post but did it have any links in it, that sometimes automatically hides?

Are parents regularly drugging their kids in the US?!? 😱Wtf?!? Why?!?

can you message something like

‘ hey —, you mentioned giving son melatonin in passing and assumed this was a joke, did you actually give him a gummy?’

Idk what her response will be but you don’t have to reply to whatever she says back and think your silence will speak volumes.

So sorry this has happened, your poor soon for feeling embarrassed having an accident :(

I'm assuming it's the kid's melatonin gummies that are 1mg? We have a big pot we bought from Target and use when sleep might be disrupted due to travel / flights etc. ..

It is really common to give kids melatonin here.. no one thinks much of it. They kind of treat it like a herbal supplement and it's in all sorts of things eg Bubble bath. Are you a Brit living in the US?

Having said that, I wouldn't give it to anyone else's kids and I wouldn't expect anyone to give it to mine without asking.. so I would be pretty annoyed in your shoes, especially with the accident.

Having hosted many sleepovers- I think this is insane and I would absolutely go nuts a these parents! I wouldn't even give someone's child Calpol without checking with their parents first let alone sleeping pills 😳

Honestly bonkers responses on here. Social services… the police…?! Livid? Knock her teeth out….??!! Are you all for real?

Yes it was out of order. No you don’t want it to happen again. But I’d have a word, say you don’t want your kids to be given any vitamins/meds etc and leave it at that.

six isn’t too young for a sleepover if the child is comfortable with it.

just put your boundaries in. If your friend takes it seriously that’s good. If she poo poos you then you know you can’t trust her. She made a very poor judgment call which has impacted your child, but this is not insurmountable if she respects that you’re upset. Be sensible, don’t lose a family friendship over this.

OP, you asked how to raise this with your friend.

I would not let your child go to their home unsupervised again. If there are parties in the future then you go for the day and then come home.

I would let her know that you know it’s an over the counter thing in the US, but you don’t feel comfortable with your child being given things without you knowing about it incase they had a reaction. If you need to give him something in the future do you mind checking with me first?

If your child isn’t sleeping over again then this should be a non-issue as the chance for her to do this again just won’t come up. I wonder if the other parents know about it too.

I think it is a leap and unnecessarily inflammatory to start suggesting to the OP that the sleepover parents had an intention to abuse her child.

Sorry, what don't you understand? I was livid at the time because someone gave my DD medication without my knowledge. That person is now her MiL.
I was referring to OP when I said something needs to be done.
Sorry if my post wasn't very clear.

Myself and others suggested that it’s a strange thing to do and didn’t suggest her son was abused, but just saying that it would be something that as a parent letting a 6 yr go to a sleepover I wouldn’t rule out.

I would advise you to take some time to think about this from your friend's perspective and not be too influenced by people in the UK who only know this as a prescription drug. It's available in the vitamin aisle and I am sure she had no ill intentions. By all means, let her know that in future you would prefer he not be given any supplement or medication without sending you a quick message asking if it's okay, but don't go in guns blazing, like some people on here are suggesting. But you would be perfectly right to avoid sleepovers if you don't trust her judgement.

Melatonin is not a "sleeping pill".

Of course the other parent should not have given it without checking. I would not be happy at all if I was the OP. But some of these responses are ludicrous. Calpol is far more risky than 1mg melatonin, to give some context for those posting who don't really seem to understand what it is.

Sorry, @Verbena17 , when you said "are you not concerned about the child abuse possibility?" that sounded like a suggestion that it occurred to me.

This

Perhaps you should watch the 2013 movie ‘We Were Children’ about the true story of Canadian children abused in their sleep in religious boarding schools.
I wasn’t trying to be inflammatory - just stating that dosing a child with melatonin was a strange thing to do.

Then why don’t you give the vitamin instead, or something even more more innocuous if you think she would respond to a placebo?

@Sleepydoor

Thanks. I think this is the approach I will take. I don't think she meant any harm but it was poor judgement.

I’ve lived in the USA my entire life. I don’t know even one person who gives their children melatonin. I don’t think it’s common at all. Maybe there are some foolish people who do it. I’ve never given it to my child, I’ve never taken it, my husband has never taken it. It is crazy that other people gave your 6 year old melatonin without your consent. To put them to sleep early so the parents could have their evening free. Why even have their child’s friends over if they don’t want to watch them.

Frankly, I am surprised you didn’t immediately say ‘hold on, what do you mean you gave my child a drug to sleep? Don’t ever do that again.’

My child would never go to that person’s house again including during the day. I wouldn’t even presume to give another child vitamins as you don’t know what is normally taken and not taken. People are nuts. Medicating children, children who are not even their own, what in Hades.

I think you need to react.

Disclaimer, I am not talking about children who are prescribed melatonin! Sorry I didn’t include that very important caveat!

Seems like a strong reaction to melatonin.

I don't think you should be referencing a documentary about sexual abuse that happened in residential schools in Canada prior to 1996 -- that has absolutely nothing to do with the OP's situation and it's inflammatory in the extreme.

In the UK this is a controlled substance, a prescription is needed and it's certainly not common to give to kids. I'd actually report this to the police if anyone gave it to my child. I'd have serious concerns about why and it's certainly not safe