My partner has a temper and is very opinionated. He has lost his job for the second time now, and a new employer during an interview asked if he is aware he clashes with people. He has never liked my mum, often jealous of our close relationship and the fact that I see her most days. He also used to gamble but has promised me he no longer does, he sought help for his temper and is on anti depressents and a wait list (2 years!) for an Asperger’s / mental health assessment.
long story short, he lost some important documents I’m not sure if they relate to gambling but he has used them for previous jobs. So he woke in a foul mood despite being really nice to be around the past few weeks on his new meds. When I came home (I had to get my car MOT because he doesn’t drive as yet) he had dressed our children in tracksuits. I only made a casual comment about ‘why have you put them in that for it’s sunny out!’ And he was so angry at me, he can’t take criticism it was just a passing comment. My mum was over and when she arrived she said the same thing oh he needs a t shirt on then she heard him going on and on at me that he had checked the weather and it wasn’t going to be warm later and basically going at me because of my mum saying it too. She came in the front room and said what’s wrong? I wasn’t blaming anyone just said he needs a t shirt and that’s when he exploded. Oh here she is getting herself involved again!! I’m his dad ! Keep your nose out of it!! She was so taken aback as had said it nicely to try help as could tell his in a foul mood. He shouted abuse at her and naturally she defended herself. It ended up with him calling her an interfering c*nt, making my children cry as he doesn’t just shout he was roaring. He threw my sons cup at my mum during the ‘row’ which smashed and luckily wasn’t glass. He then broke my phone charger and made a hole in the wall. I called his dad to ask to get him but he couldn’t so his mum then called me on what’s app and heard him going crazy. She was so upset saying calm down, please speak to me etc he refused to and said he won’t speak to his dad either as he doesn’t listen.
anyway I’ve text his parents since as I’ve removed myself and my children from the situation and staying at my mums. This isn’t the first time he has exploded and his temper is uncontrollable. His mother hasn’t replied to any of my texts addressing what his done wrong, she did call on what’s app saying sorry hope you are ok etc she is not sure what’s happening (as I said he needs help) how he was behaving it was like he should have been sectioned.
I’ve told him before if he ever disrespects my mum again it is over , my mum isn’t perfect but she did nothing wrong at all. Sometimes she does get involved with her opinion when maybe she could have left it but that’s the way she is and he knows that. He does hateful things like my mum cleans my cooker hob for me and asked my partner to not leave things on top of it and he then proceeds to make sure he always leaves things on it.
anyway I haven’t kept his short really but I know his parents are aware of his temper as he has been in trouble with it in the past and they aren’t replying to me as don’t want to risk not seeing their gran kids if we split up. So I know they will not be any support to me if anything was to happen.
ive Looked into domestic abuse, as he has smashed things in my home before, snatched my phone, threw a towel at me in his temper; grabbed my throat. All prior to having children and seeking support for his temper which I believe he had changed.
as I said he can be really nice and a great partner and dad but he has this temper issue.
it hasn’t crept up again until now and I know I can’t allow it in front of my children. If he reacts like this over losing a few documents how would he react in a real crisis? I also don’t want to kick him out and then he say it’s his word against mine etc. my main priority are my children and his mother would love to get a hand on my kids she is so controlling. She has already made sure her nephews children are with him and not the mother - she plays the system etc. so I want to make sure if anything did happen that I gave evidence. Is there anyone who could help me how to do this legally?
i love this man. I am hoping maybe he realises he has caused so much pain over nothing and that he has really upset his young children seeing him like this. I hope he seeks help or his parents get him help and he can learn to control his temper and be the lovely man I love and know and not have anymore of these break downs. I also know that this may not happen as most abusers blame rather than feel guilt etc. if he ever does anything like this again it’s over for my kids sake, although I know I’ve said this last time he verbally abused me and my mum. So I don’t want to be this weak woman who never leaves.
I also don’t want to just walk away without legal advice with my kids. And I also still really pray that maybe he can get the right help and be the lovely partner who I love when he isn’t in a temper. TIa please no judgey comments xx