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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Birthdays are shit when you're an adult

96 replies

KingKhazi · 27/07/2023 06:33

Today is my birthday. I'm 36. Managed to get the day off work but not doing anything as I've got no friends, no kids, no partner.
The weather is shit. Was going to take the dog for a walk along the river but its pouring down and my dog is most definitely a fair weather dog!
I've had to wake up early to take my brother to work because his car is fucked. Don't even live with him. Chances are he'll have forgotten it's my birthday. He has no money either.
No money to treat myself to anything.
No cards or presents to open.

I'm 36 and my physical health is declining. I feel old. Sad. Lonely.

OP posts:
MintJulia · 27/07/2023 06:55

So make today special - you have the whole day to do exactly as you please.

After dropping your brother, go for a walk or a run. Fresh air & exercise always helps with low mood.

Then have a long hot bubbly bath. A bit of pampering. Then breakfast, not rushed, root out the Xmas marmalade from the back of the cupboard or have scrambled eggs on toast with butter & black pepper, something more time consuming than normal. Radio on, loud & cheerful.

Plan something new for supper. New flavours, totally different. Look out a recipe for a meal you have never made before. Grilled salmon with spices...whatever.

Then, decent clothes & makeup on, time for some human interaction - food shopping trip for ingredients but try the individual shops not some faceless supermarket. Have a mooch around the sales. Walk in the park, feed the ducks, Then favourite coffee bar for a cake. Chat to whoever is around. Check the websites - this time of year there are lots of free art exhibitions and open studios & gardens.

Then home to cook. Glass of wine, Music on.

Good book or decent film? Netflix? Or be brave & ring old friends out of the blue.

Happy birthday 😊

DustyLee123 · 27/07/2023 06:57

Birthdays are just another day, you realise this when you’re an adult.

Tohaveandtohold · 27/07/2023 07:02

Birthdays have always been just another day, when I was a kid as parents didn’t prioritise it and I was born in Aug so it’s always in the middle of the school holidays so nothing was ever celebrated for me.
Now as an adult, I’m grateful that I now have my own family but we always tend to just go out for a meal and I make as much fuss about myself as I want to and I always take the day off work even if I spend most of it resting, listening to music, browsing the internet, etc.

Auntieofdragons · 27/07/2023 07:03

Happy birthday OP.

Having no friends or partner sounds lonely. Is there a reason for this? Perhaps today you can start to take steps to change this so it is the last birthday you spend alone

Mothership4two · 27/07/2023 07:03

Take @MintJulia's advice and also remind your brother and anyone else in the family if you want them to remember.

CaptainJackSparrow85 · 27/07/2023 07:05

I have zero expectations for my birthday now I’m an adult, unless it’s a significant one. I go to work and pretty much treat it like another day.

Gunpowder · 27/07/2023 07:06

That’s a bit Scrooge like DustyLee. MintJulia’s ideas are lovely.

I’m so sorry you feel like this OP. It’s horrible to feel like that on your birthday. It would make me feel sad too.

When I feel sad on my birthday I try and work out what I need to change about my life. Could it be an opportunity to make a list of stuff you want to change this year, so by your 37th birthday you are in a different place metaphorically? For example could you take up a new hobby to make friends? Could you find a better paying job or look into some free retraining and upskill? Are there lifestyle changes that would improve your health? If everything feels hopeless and this isn’t one off birthday blues maybe make a call to your GP for help.

Sending you lots of birthday wishes for a brighter year.

Vettrianofan · 27/07/2023 07:07

It's just another day 🤷🏻 happy birthday by the way 🥳

Callingallbutterflies · 27/07/2023 07:08

Happy Birthday OP. I hope that the day gets better.

Annaishere · 27/07/2023 07:09

Happy birthday x

PimpMyFridge · 27/07/2023 07:10

My worst ever birthday was my 21st cos my life was in the toilet at that point, and the fact it was supposed to be amazing and special didn't help.
My best was my 30th cos things were good at that time....
Birthdays are like Christmas they make you consider your circumstances and if you aren't happy with your life when your birthday rolls around you really feel it.
Sorry you are in that place op, @MintJulia gives good suggestions, it'd be lovely if you didn't need any, of course, and I hope something nice comes into your day.
But definitely don't take this lying down, you're not happy and there is usually something a person can do to improve things.

MiddleParking · 27/07/2023 07:12

MintJulia · 27/07/2023 06:55

So make today special - you have the whole day to do exactly as you please.

After dropping your brother, go for a walk or a run. Fresh air & exercise always helps with low mood.

Then have a long hot bubbly bath. A bit of pampering. Then breakfast, not rushed, root out the Xmas marmalade from the back of the cupboard or have scrambled eggs on toast with butter & black pepper, something more time consuming than normal. Radio on, loud & cheerful.

Plan something new for supper. New flavours, totally different. Look out a recipe for a meal you have never made before. Grilled salmon with spices...whatever.

Then, decent clothes & makeup on, time for some human interaction - food shopping trip for ingredients but try the individual shops not some faceless supermarket. Have a mooch around the sales. Walk in the park, feed the ducks, Then favourite coffee bar for a cake. Chat to whoever is around. Check the websites - this time of year there are lots of free art exhibitions and open studios & gardens.

Then home to cook. Glass of wine, Music on.

Good book or decent film? Netflix? Or be brave & ring old friends out of the blue.

Happy birthday 😊

Nearly all of this requires OP to have money/existing stuff that she’s been clear she doesn’t have. This would make me feel more depressed if I was in her position.

Happy birthday OP. Hope things get better for you.

skippy67 · 27/07/2023 07:15

I always make a fuss of me on my birthday. I disagree that it's just another day.

Sunnydale1999 · 27/07/2023 07:16

Hello birthday twin!!

I'm 40 today and yeah, it's pretty shit.

Lentilweaver · 27/07/2023 07:17

I am making friends at 51 through Meetup, groups and clubs. I am not too old or too tired. Make this a priority for your next bday.

Hope you have a better day.

C1N1C · 27/07/2023 07:19

Lol "They're just another day"... until your partner forgets :).

If this were me I'd be blowing a fiver on something really yummy and high calorie... why not, just one day! Everyone is so careful throughout the rest of the year. Go through that whole tube of Pringles! Eat that whole cake... at my age (a little older than OP), a good birthday is NOT doing all the things people expect of you... and that means birthdays!

juneybean · 27/07/2023 07:24

Happy birthday! X

Gerrataere · 27/07/2023 07:24

Happy birthday!

I don’t think anywhere has been useful or understanding to the op. Adults are allowed to enjoy birthdays or even want to enjoy them, I don’t get miserable people who act like a celebration of another year makes you somehow silly. And this is coming from someone who doesn’t personally care for my own, it’s about having one day where you just want to be seen without being asked. I totally understand the ops position - it’s not about their birthday as a whole, it’s just that they feel they don’t even have a family member who could bother themselves with a sentiment.

I don’t think expensive versions of feeding and self care are the answer either. Experimenting with food sounds like ‘that birthday I gave myself food poisoning’ more than anything. If you can treat yourself to something inexpensive that you can enjoy that would be great - a book, a film you’ve meant to watch for ages, a takeaway of you can stretch to it. Blanket, doggy cuddles and switch off the world is my advice.

Vettrianofan · 27/07/2023 07:27

MiddleParking · 27/07/2023 07:12

Nearly all of this requires OP to have money/existing stuff that she’s been clear she doesn’t have. This would make me feel more depressed if I was in her position.

Happy birthday OP. Hope things get better for you.

Show quote history

Exactly. Great idea if well off, this isn't always possible for all. It will likely make OP even more depressed!

AbsoIutelyLovely · 27/07/2023 07:27

Well done for taking the day off. I’ve never ever gone to work on my birthday. 🙌

Original poster
KingKhazi · 27/07/2023 07:32

Sunnydale1999 · 27/07/2023 07:16

Hello birthday twin!!

I'm 40 today and yeah, it's pretty shit.

Happy Birthday to you, too!
Its Christopher Dean's birthday today.. and Libby off eastenders haha
Not that she's been on it for years!

My brother remembered half way through the drive to work. "Oh shit your cards at home" were his words 😄 🤣 to be fair, it's early.

I'm just about to go into tesco to find something nice for lunch then will take the dog for a walk and have a picnic in the car. We will both put out coats on and me my waterproof trousers and wellys.

OP posts:
Original poster
KingKhazi · 27/07/2023 07:33

MintJulia · 27/07/2023 06:55

So make today special - you have the whole day to do exactly as you please.

After dropping your brother, go for a walk or a run. Fresh air & exercise always helps with low mood.

Then have a long hot bubbly bath. A bit of pampering. Then breakfast, not rushed, root out the Xmas marmalade from the back of the cupboard or have scrambled eggs on toast with butter & black pepper, something more time consuming than normal. Radio on, loud & cheerful.

Plan something new for supper. New flavours, totally different. Look out a recipe for a meal you have never made before. Grilled salmon with spices...whatever.

Then, decent clothes & makeup on, time for some human interaction - food shopping trip for ingredients but try the individual shops not some faceless supermarket. Have a mooch around the sales. Walk in the park, feed the ducks, Then favourite coffee bar for a cake. Chat to whoever is around. Check the websites - this time of year there are lots of free art exhibitions and open studios & gardens.

Then home to cook. Glass of wine, Music on.

Good book or decent film? Netflix? Or be brave & ring old friends out of the blue.

Happy birthday 😊

That sounds amazing. Unfortunately money won't allow and I don't have a bath. Sounds wonderful though!

OP posts:
cinnamonfrenchtoast · 27/07/2023 07:37

Happy birthday OP!

All my plans last year were cancelled as we literally got snowed in and couldn't go anywhere 😂

In your shoes I'd buy myself a birthday cake and some posh coffee, then after a dog walk and a hot shower, I'd curl up on the sofa with my favourite film or TV show, eat the cake, drink the coffee and cuddle the dog Grin

Maka21 · 27/07/2023 07:38

Are you picking your brother up after work? Invite him round for a meal? I doubt it will rain all day and you will be able to get out. See if there are free things on in the local area today or go somewhere that you have never been before, be spontaneous! And treat yourself to some cake, you deserve that.

Happy birthday!

hollyblueivy · 27/07/2023 07:41

Trip to the library, grab a stack of books and curl up with a good read, tea and cake. Lovely - Read in bed and have an afternoon nap!