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Original poster

Birthdays are shit when you're an adult

96 replies

KingKhazi · 27/07/2023 06:33

Today is my birthday. I'm 36. Managed to get the day off work but not doing anything as I've got no friends, no kids, no partner.
The weather is shit. Was going to take the dog for a walk along the river but its pouring down and my dog is most definitely a fair weather dog!
I've had to wake up early to take my brother to work because his car is fucked. Don't even live with him. Chances are he'll have forgotten it's my birthday. He has no money either.
No money to treat myself to anything.
No cards or presents to open.

I'm 36 and my physical health is declining. I feel old. Sad. Lonely.

OP posts:
SummerDawn2000 · 27/07/2023 07:42

Happy birthday.

meet up is good for social groups and friend making. Also Facebook might have some local groups.

happy birthday. Buy your self a whole cake That’s what I did

Elise72 · 27/07/2023 07:46

It's my birthday toooooo!!!

I'm off to IKEA, what a treat 🤣🤣

Have a wonderful birthday whatever you decide to do 🍻

Lentilweaver · 27/07/2023 07:47

Library
Museums
Art galleries

Any of this free stuff where you are?

PimpMyFridge · 27/07/2023 07:47

Glad your brother remembered op. Well done dB!

JMSA · 27/07/2023 07:51

If you're feeling sad and lonely, try to do something about it.
Friendships and relationships don't just fall into your lap. I wish they did, but alas ...
I wish you a good birthday. The day will be what you make of it.

Coffeesnob11 · 27/07/2023 07:52

First of all happy birthday. I am so sorry you are feeling like this. What stands out to me is the loneliness. You can't fix this in a day but what worked for me is volunteering with people that are lonely themselves. That could be with the elderly or the homeless. Finding your village is so hard. If you have any religious affliation churchor equivalent provide great community but equally lots of non religious charities etc looking for volunteers.
Do you have enough ingredients or the money to bake a small cake for yourself? Is there someone you could offer a piece to?
Regardless enjoy cuddling your dog, make plans, have dreams and make next year a great birthday.

Lentilweaver · 27/07/2023 07:54

Yes, volunteering is another way I am making new friends in my 50s. Many of them much younger.

CoffeeLover90 · 27/07/2023 07:55

Happy birthday OP, I get what you're saying. There's never been a fuss made of me, from family, ex (have ds but he's too young)
Sometimes, just for once, I'd like to be thought of.
But there's no point dwelling, I suppose.
It's my birthday tomorrow. I'll take ds out for the day, something he'll enjoy and he'll spend the day saying its his birthday, I'll agree.

I hope you have as a good a day as possible with the dog. They're great company. Put thoughts of birthdays out of your mind and just relax, have a little walk, read a book, whatever you want to do.

UnfunnyJester · 27/07/2023 07:56

Happy birthday! Cake
Go somewhere different for a walk.
You sound down about how things are for you. Are there changes you can make? New job? Can you do anything to tackle health issues? Can you join any meetup groups?
Maybe take some steps today.

caffelattetogo · 27/07/2023 08:01

Sounds like you have a good relationship with your brother. Could you eat dinner together? Make a new recipe? Doesn't have to be expensive.

Waffle19 · 27/07/2023 08:01

Happy birthday!

Not too much to add on what other PPs have said about your birthday yourself but you saying that you’re 36 and your physical health is declining struck me - it made you sound like you’re turning 66 not 36. Unless you have a health condition/ disability that you’ve not mentioned, there’s no reason you should feel like your physical health is on the decline at this age.

Maybe take some time today to think about where you want to be for your 37th birthday, and put a plan into place to achieve it? Even something as simple as saving £5 a month for the next year so you have a little extra money for a birthday treat next year. Or an exercise plan / goal so that you feel in better health. Or ways of making new friends so that you won’t be spending it alone?

You have many many more birthdays ahead of you, some will be better than others so don’t write all future ones off just because this isn’t a great one.

I hope you manage to have a lovely day.

fuchiaknickers · 27/07/2023 08:03

Happy Birthday OP 🤗
I’m sorry you’re feeling rubbish. I have also felt rubbish on many birthdays.
Could you use today to make some plans and promises to yourself to try and improve your situation by next year? I find turning my misery into a plan helps me feel more hopeful. Please be kind to yourself and have a cost day curled up with the dog. Agree with the good book or new film suggestion, and some cake xxxx

Gerrataere · 27/07/2023 08:03

and he'll spend the day saying its his birthday, I'll agree.

Please don’t do this @CoffeeLover90 , you’re allowed to say it’s your birthday but you love sharing it with him. I know he’s young and doesn’t understand but it’s not a kindness to you to give your birthday away like that, you’re telling him from a young age that your feelings don’t matter even if it seems trivial. It builds up ‘ah mum didn’t really care for it’ from a young age.

Nannyfannybanny · 27/07/2023 08:07

Happy birthday sorry you are feeling bad. Doesn't sound like it's the birthday,you sound depressed. Do you have work colleagues,it is hard to make friends as an adult
Birthdays don't bother me,we aren't big on them as a family. It's just another day,you are actually only one day older than the previous day. You have one birthday, when you came into this world. The dog will love you unconditionally.

sandgrown · 27/07/2023 08:08

Happy birthday. Do you have the internet? Sign up for some free courses. It won’t help the loneliness but might broaden your interests. Any free museums by you ? Can you afford takeaway nice coffee as a treat or buy a cake mix and make a cake and ask your brother over later . A walk with dog is good but go somewhere new . My friend loves a mooch round the charity shops . You might find a cheap treat . Enjoy your day x

WaltzingWaters · 27/07/2023 08:09

Auntieofdragons · 27/07/2023 07:03

Happy birthday OP.

Having no friends or partner sounds lonely. Is there a reason for this? Perhaps today you can start to take steps to change this so it is the last birthday you spend alone

This.
I get it. I had birthdays alone when I was working in a different country temporarily and had no close friends there. It sucks.
But it sounds like this is about more than just your birthday. You need to try going out and making some friends. Look for a partner if that’s something you want. Not that easy, I know, but start taking steps to try and make it happen.

And for today, do something to treat yourself. Make it a lovely day anyway, even if that just means a lovely walk out, a bubble bath with music, candles, choc and wine. A nice meal in. Happy Birthday OP 💐

AvidBookAndCatCollector · 27/07/2023 08:29

Happy birthday op, it's my birthday today too. No fuss either this morning infact my family are still sleeping when we need to go out in a hour! Hmm

Drag yourself out you'll feel better, lots of free places like museums, art galleries even if it's just a posh coffee. Whatever you do I hope the day gets better for you. Flowers

crostini · 27/07/2023 08:34

Birthdays arnt shit. I have brilliant birthdays.
Your problem is the no friends thing (I'm sure you know this, it's not a dig).
What have you tried so far to make friends?

BrawnWild · 27/07/2023 08:39

Vsit the library for a new book.

Have your car picnic, walk the fairweather dog. Home for a quick shower to warm up.

Put some music on and clean your lounge (productivity endorphins), burn a candle, put some quiet music on and read your book under a blanket with the dog and clean loungewear. Buy some ready salted crisps. And have chips for tea. A big pile of chips.

Alternatively, you may be able to download a free audiobook or find one on youtube.

Happy birthday x

Sworntofun · 27/07/2023 08:42

Happy Birthday! 🎂 I’m sure you are a lovely lady and things won’t always be as bad as this I’m sure. I’ve had lonely birthdays too. Try to treat yourself, even a coffee and croissant would be nice. A previous poster said art gallery/ museum, great idea. I work in a specialist museum and would give you a personal guided tour if you lived near me. Be kind to yourself

SunsetGirl · 27/07/2023 08:47

Happy birthday OP! It's my birthday today too, I'm doing nothing special and expecting no presents. (Tho I have a DH and a DC so I will get well wishes and DC have made me a cake.) It is a bit shit TBH, but my friendships all evaporated during the pandemic. 💐

continentallentil · 27/07/2023 08:49

Sounds like you are creating as good a day as you can - hope you enjoy it.

I do find you have to create your own birthdays as an adult, though they can be good.

But your problems are bigger than this, perhaps when you feel like it start a thread on what your situation is in a bit more detail so people can make suggestions. It would be good if things could be beginning to be better by next year.

buckeejit · 27/07/2023 09:07

Happy birthday!

Go for cake if you can, if not, get a book from the library & get into it at home, or find something else free to go to. Yes to cooking something nice & just listen to things you like or treat yourself the best you can.

Threenow · 27/07/2023 09:19

skippy67 · 27/07/2023 07:15

I always make a fuss of me on my birthday. I disagree that it's just another day.

So do I. Birthdays are what you make of them, I don't expect other people to make mine memorable.

Threenow · 27/07/2023 09:32

Forgot to say - Happy Birthday Cake Flowers

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