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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children should be told to give up their seat on a bus if there's an adult who finds it harder to stand.

526 replies

DesolationRow · 25/07/2023 22:23

I was on a packed bus today with my friend who's in her late seventies. She's not frail but is clearly an older woman who walks quite slowly and hasn't got the best balance. We were going to the seaside and as it's the first day of the school holidays there were lots of families with young children on the bus. Many of the seats were occupied by children from toddlers to early teens and absolutely none of them offered her their seat and their parents neither told them to nor offered their own seats.

Do most people now really think a child should have a seat of their own when there's someone who needs it more? If so, why?

I realise there will be some children with disabilities/ conditions that mean they do need a seat of their own but most preschool children can sit on their parents lap and most children over five can stand for a bus journey can't they?

OP posts:
Trinity65 · 26/07/2023 00:16

HorseyMel · 25/07/2023 22:32

If I've paid £6 or whatever for a ticket then I'm sitting in a seat if I got there first. If you have a problem with the lack of seating, take it up with the bus company and their CEO on six figures a year.

The highly paid CEOs can sacrifice a bit before I do. You're having a go at the wrong people. Which is exactly how these companies and many others get away with what they do.

Perhaps it would be nicer for all if you rode a Horse instead of using PT

MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 26/07/2023 00:16

I don't think small children should stand for adults. When mine were little they'd share a seat, or one on my lap or stood between my knees so I could hold them up. A few times the 3 of us would squeeze into one seat. They do now stand and offer their seats if they need to.

In answer to the PP about the overhead things you can hold, I can't hold them safely at 5ft1. And like another PP some of our bus drivers drive like lunatics. Pulling away at the speed of light, braking suddenly, not waiting for people to sit before they pull away.

And regarding paying, children under 5 here are free. And then they aren't half price after that. A child ticket is 20p less than an adult.

LuluGuinea · 26/07/2023 00:19

@HorseyMel if you feel you need that seat because you're less able to stand then that's fine. I don't see a problem. I have had disabled people ask me or be asked for me to give up their seat and I felt that because I struggle with standing up for any length of time I was the same as them, so I did refuse. But I did it kindly and they asked others . Usually someone else will give theirs up.

AintNoPartyLikeANumber10Party · 26/07/2023 00:19

I would love to say YANBU but my DS has an invisible disability. He looks like a healthy young adult but struggles to stand on public transport. He hates wearing a sunflower lanyard because he’s self-conscious and it’s very othering.

So YABU. Your friend needs to ask, not wait and hope for a seat. In my experience, when you speak up, generally someone will offer their seat.

Crikeyalmighty · 26/07/2023 00:20

@HorseyMel you sound a right charmer. Hope no one ever offers their seat to you when you are 78 or pregnant or have a chronic illness etc

purpleboy · 26/07/2023 00:21

WeWereInParis · 25/07/2023 23:49

it's almost like it's a perfectly normal and fine thing for kids to do.

But why is it more expected for children? Someone should of course have offered OP's friend a seat, but I don't understand why the thread is specifically "why did no children offer a seat?" rather than just "why did no one offer a seat?"
Lots of posters have talked about entitled children, but from the OP, none of the adults on the bus offered a seat either!

I suppose because if you want the next generation to not be inconsiderate assholes, then you start teaching them about respect at a young age. You can't just magically expect people to be considerate of others if their parents have never shown them or told them how, and judging by many on this thread you can very easily see why society is so selfish.

LuluGuinea · 26/07/2023 00:22

AintNoPartyLikeANumber10Party · 26/07/2023 00:19

I would love to say YANBU but my DS has an invisible disability. He looks like a healthy young adult but struggles to stand on public transport. He hates wearing a sunflower lanyard because he’s self-conscious and it’s very othering.

So YABU. Your friend needs to ask, not wait and hope for a seat. In my experience, when you speak up, generally someone will offer their seat.

I'm disabled and I agree with this 100%. There is nothing wrong with offering and it's a nice thing to do, but if they don't the onus is on us to ask. Part of living with a disability is learning to advocate for ourselves

ChiPawPrint · 26/07/2023 00:23

MichelleScarn · 25/07/2023 23:55

@ChiPawPrint neither has the 70year old so.why are they more important?

Because they are a lot more frail. The older ones must be mortified how selfish society has become.

NewName122 · 26/07/2023 00:24

My teen has joint issues and would struggle to stand for a long journey. You wouldn't know it to look at him though. We were on a full tube the other day and he got a seat.If anyone would have demanded him to stand I'd obviously have had to say something and been annoyed. You never can tell who's struggling. Fat middle aged me would have offered your friend a seat though.

ChiPawPrint · 26/07/2023 00:25

@MichelleScarn If offering my seat to someone less able makes me 'subservient', then I am very happy to be called such.

Bluesheeps · 26/07/2023 00:25

@ChiPawPrint @Crikeyalmighty I’m afraid @HorseyMel left because my debate skills weren’t up to scratch

SandyY2K · 26/07/2023 00:26

I'd get up and my adult kids would too, but I get irritated when older people think it's their right to have a seat. Others have paid and are entitled to the seat if they got there first.

I wouldn't want to see them fall down and in steady on my feet... but if I had a younger child..like under 10..I'd get give up my seat for the older person and would rather my child had a seat

LuluGuinea · 26/07/2023 00:29

I don't think we should be judging who is offering or not. I think that it's up to the individual to ask themselves do I need this seat as much as someone who may be less able to stand or not. And those that need them can ask or hold a I need a seat card.

Yes I do feel self conscious about asking people when I don't look like I need one, and I hate it, but I have been on the other end, where I have been judged by others for taking a seat they think I am not entitled to and that's far worse than feeling a bit shy. I've had people scream in my face, threaten me, call me names, just because I don't look like I need a seat and I happen to be fat. It's horrible.

avocadotofu · 26/07/2023 00:31

This reply has been deleted

The OP has privacy concerns, so we've agreed to take this down now.

I absolutely agree with this.

LuluGuinea · 26/07/2023 00:33

avocadotofu · 26/07/2023 00:31

I absolutely agree with this.

Show quote history

I think small children should definitely be included in the less able to stand category.

LuluGuinea · 26/07/2023 00:34

But then again small children can sit on the lap of the adult their with in most cases (obviously if adult they with has health issue meaning they can't carry them that's an exception).

Ruffpuff · 26/07/2023 00:38

Bus etiquette is a bitch of an art that’s easily mistreated.

4 year old would go on my lap. Without 4 year old I’d give up my seat completely. I remember using the bus at 9 months pregnant and nearly falling over…only a man who looked about 80 years old offered his seat!

Hillcrest2022 · 26/07/2023 00:38

HorseyMel · 25/07/2023 22:32

If I've paid £6 or whatever for a ticket then I'm sitting in a seat if I got there first. If you have a problem with the lack of seating, take it up with the bus company and their CEO on six figures a year.

The highly paid CEOs can sacrifice a bit before I do. You're having a go at the wrong people. Which is exactly how these companies and many others get away with what they do.

Are you for real @HorseyMel ?

LuluGuinea · 26/07/2023 00:40

Ruffpuff · 26/07/2023 00:38

Bus etiquette is a bitch of an art that’s easily mistreated.

4 year old would go on my lap. Without 4 year old I’d give up my seat completely. I remember using the bus at 9 months pregnant and nearly falling over…only a man who looked about 80 years old offered his seat!

Aw, that's a shame that no one offered. Did you ask though ?

LuluGuinea · 26/07/2023 00:41

@HorseyMel the trouble is, the CEOs don't care enough about us little people and our issues to do anything about it, it seems. They won't do anything. Which is why we need to use our own common sense on these matters.

Bluesheeps · 26/07/2023 00:49

LuluGuinea · 26/07/2023 00:41

@HorseyMel the trouble is, the CEOs don't care enough about us little people and our issues to do anything about it, it seems. They won't do anything. Which is why we need to use our own common sense on these matters.

@LuluGuinea the CEOs don’t care if you get a seat or not no. They care if they can run a business transporting people from A-B in the most economically sensitive fashion.

LuluGuinea · 26/07/2023 00:52

Bluesheeps · 26/07/2023 00:49

@LuluGuinea the CEOs don’t care if you get a seat or not no. They care if they can run a business transporting people from A-B in the most economically sensitive fashion.

Show quote history

Exactly. And people are well capable of deciding whether they need to ask for a seat or not or whether to give up their own seat or not.

Downatthefarm · 26/07/2023 00:52

If the bus is busy and my DD (4) has a seat next to me ill always make her seat available if somebody elderly, disabled or pregnant gets on. She will happily sit on my knee. It's a bit awkward when I have the buggy with me and need to hold onto that with one hand to stop it flying backwards as it does when the bus goes around a corner.. but we make it work.

Some people are just selfish.

LuluGuinea · 26/07/2023 00:54

Downatthefarm · 26/07/2023 00:52

If the bus is busy and my DD (4) has a seat next to me ill always make her seat available if somebody elderly, disabled or pregnant gets on. She will happily sit on my knee. It's a bit awkward when I have the buggy with me and need to hold onto that with one hand to stop it flying backwards as it does when the bus goes around a corner.. but we make it work.

Some people are just selfish.

I'm thankful for people like you who give up their seat if someone like me asked them to. To be fair I think most people would give up their seat if asked to, it's just that our human nature means we tend to notice the the behaviour of wankers more!

SleepingStandingUp · 26/07/2023 00:58

Screamingabdabz · 25/07/2023 22:42

Yes older children and young teens should’ve offered definitely - empathy levels have declined in the last 10-15 years since children put down books and picked up smart phones. So many people are entirely self serving these days.

And all those able bodied adults who also didn't give up a seat, not to mention all those kids parents who neither gave up a seat not gathered up their kids? It isn't the teens and their phones that's the issue, it's the adults around them