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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not keep child home with a fever?

125 replies

caggie3 · 25/07/2023 07:47

I never know if I should keep my son home every time he's poorly or if I over react due to him being born and growing up during covid times, but I always do. Sickness bugs always but also colds, coughs, fevers. His attendance in his school nursery was only 68%. He's missed out on trips and days out etc. He woke up with a fever this morning, he's sat playing and it isn't bothering him but he is red and sweaty. He's meant to be going to a dinosaur park today and I said we won't go now he's poorly and he's crying that he wants to go and he feels fine. It just feels like I'm doing something awful letting him go out when he could be ill but as I said I don't know if that's just because having a child in covid times made me think that's the norm

So would I be unreasonable to let him go?! AIBU to not keep him home with a fever?

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 25/07/2023 17:29

Beachside82 · 25/07/2023 12:55

Op - I vaguely remembers your user name and sure enough…. Dozens of threads you have started about health issues relating to you or your son. Over and over and over again.

I suspect this obvious health anxiety lies at the root of the 32% non attendance more than anything else

It's 'not in the spirit' to search up previous threads.

Also, I can understand why those who became parents in the pandemic found it harder to decide about proportionate risk, and had more anxieties. It was a time filled with anxiety, where we were asked to take more precautions than usual, with none of the normal support networks we usually had to get advice & common sense guidance

EarringsandLipstick · 25/07/2023 17:33

@Beachside82

OP's AIBU is pretty clear:

AIBU to not keep him home with a fever?

She didn't ask either of your two AUBUs:

AIBU to have my son off nursery for 32% of the time

AIBU to say we will go to the dinosaur park another time

She has kept her DS home a lot thinking it was the right thing to do, but admits being uncertain about that.

WeightoftheWorld · 25/07/2023 17:41

Fever is a no, I wouldn't send them in with fever. Cough and cold without fever yes I'd send them in unless they were obviously totally miserable and not themselves for example not eating much.

PossiblyNotOne · 25/07/2023 17:43

So he just felt warm but didn’t actually have a fever?

Midnites · 25/07/2023 18:23

Beachside82 · 25/07/2023 12:55

Op - I vaguely remembers your user name and sure enough…. Dozens of threads you have started about health issues relating to you or your son. Over and over and over again.

I suspect this obvious health anxiety lies at the root of the 32% non attendance more than anything else

It's hardly surprising a mum who had a baby during covid times might have anxiety regarding their health and how to handle these situations, and it's rather nasty to advance search and then try and come for a woman's mental health on a thread where she's made it quite clear herself she's aware she might be overly cautious and asks for advice. I'm sure this forum used to be a supportive place for women and now I regularly see attitudes like this, throwaway comments making bold statements about the OPs mental health and trying to belittle others. It's a shame.

Usernameunknownfornow · 25/07/2023 18:47

@caggie3 Did you end up going?

Usernameunknownfornow · 25/07/2023 18:49

Beachside82 · 25/07/2023 12:55

Op - I vaguely remembers your user name and sure enough…. Dozens of threads you have started about health issues relating to you or your son. Over and over and over again.

I suspect this obvious health anxiety lies at the root of the 32% non attendance more than anything else

I don't think is civil searching up previous threads the poster has been on, also disrespect to belittle her and make snide remarks about her mental health

YouknowIknowbest · 25/07/2023 20:04

Personally my rule of thumb is sickness/diarrhoea they would always remain at home. Anything else is based on their demeanour, if they are lethargic and clearly not well they stay home, if they’re running a temperature but have energy or are fine with calpol, they go into school. Kids need contact with germs in order to get a healthy immune system. The Covid fiasco has caused many first time parents to turn into neurotic panickers, (that’s not a slur on the parents but the ridiculous media and government propaganda). If your child feels well enough, please go and enjoy your day!

Loz2323 · 25/07/2023 21:02

SleepingStandingUp · 25/07/2023 09:13

I have kids the same age op.

Snotty noses, into school with tissues. They know how to wipe their noses even if they need reminding. We'd never leave the house if they stayed home with every snotty nose. Reality is they'll have germs, other kids with get them, other kids will give them, thus the immunity circle of life.

Fever, lethargic etc., I'd keep off for but they're walking the school run regardless cos I have 3. So if they were acting fine, I'd pop them in uniform and see how they fare.

Sickness and diarrhea, I'd follow schools advice. It isn't automatic 48 hours. DS, 8, has vomitted at school and they've kept him because he felt fine.

That is really naughty of the school not sending your kid home if they have vomited, official guidelines are very clear that children should be collected and kept at home for 48hrs

stayathomer · 26/07/2023 00:34

I suspect this obvious health anxiety lies at the root of the 32% non attendance more than anything else
Beachside82 A huge percentage of parenting involves trying to figure out how sick your child is imo😅 It’s an absolute nightmare and a minefield and I’d say most parents worry regularly about the balance of letting their child rest but keeping their attendance up. And I hate the words ‘health anxiety’ - of course as parents we’re worried about our children!

Ndhdiwntbsivnwg · 26/07/2023 04:46

Child has a fever but he’s fine 😂😂😂 jeeesus
KEEP SICK KIDS HOME!

Mrsjayy · 26/07/2023 07:04

Well he might have had a slight temperature maybe if we didn't call it a fever then Images of desperately ill children wouldn't be popping into heads !

Whattheactualwhatnow · 26/07/2023 07:26

If fever, keep him home so his body can rest and recover. In terms of attendance, unless fever or D&V you can generally send him in, eg the coughs and colds that you mention.

aSofaNearYou · 26/07/2023 08:09

I'm usually all for parents not being selfish and sending their children in when they're clearly ill, but tbh I wouldn't keep him off just because he had a temperature, I'd wait until I saw some actual symptoms.

Guiltyfeethavegotnorhythm0 · 26/07/2023 08:25

To be honest experience tells me he will probably throw up all over your car or the gift shop at the dinosaur park , leave it for another day .

WhichPage · 26/07/2023 09:38

Our policy in the end was (assuming the following: child is not wilting on the sofa, it’s not d and v or Covid and there is no rash) try to carry on with a dose of calpol and see how he gets on - can always come home!

Usernameunknownfornow · 26/07/2023 10:24

Ndhdiwntbsivnwg · 26/07/2023 04:46

Child has a fever but he’s fine 😂😂😂 jeeesus
KEEP SICK KIDS HOME!

That's what I thought aswel but apparently she checked his temperature, he doesn't have temperature but is hot to touch

Usernameunknownfornow · 26/07/2023 10:25

aSofaNearYou · 26/07/2023 08:09

I'm usually all for parents not being selfish and sending their children in when they're clearly ill, but tbh I wouldn't keep him off just because he had a temperature, I'd wait until I saw some actual symptoms.

Seriously 😑

aSofaNearYou · 26/07/2023 10:45

Seriously

Well yeah. Obviously it depends on how bad it seems, OP hasn't given a figure, but kids get hot all the time and aren't always ill. If it seemed like it was obviously going to be something I wouldn't but I wouldn't think much of them just being hot. Since his attendance is low I'm wondering if she's just overreacting to him seeming to have a temperature.

AngryGreasedSantaCatcus · 26/07/2023 12:31

Ndhdiwntbsivnwg · 26/07/2023 04:46

Child has a fever but he’s fine 😂😂😂 jeeesus
KEEP SICK KIDS HOME!

Well the child didn't even actually have a temp, just felt hot.
Also a fever can be from a tooth infection for example, that's not a sick child or automatically means they need to be home.

fishingoutofthewater · 26/07/2023 13:50

Hi OP,

there are lots of comments here so forgive me if I am repeating anything.

It is hard as a parent to get a read on what to do. My children are older and at a private school and during covid we had parents knowingly sending their children in with Covid while other parents were following the rules religiously. Even with children older it was hard to figure out what to do and the same is happening in this thread.

I know parents who have been ridiculously over cautious and equally, I have had a child who has slept in my house on a school night, has thrown up everywhere and the parent asked me to deliver her to school anyway (hard no there especially when she mentioned she had been sick the day before!).

Everyone has their thresholds for illness and some of that comes with agendas such as other children, busy jobs or at the other end of the spectrum, being more cautious because of family history with illness or shielding. Proximity to school is also a big factor. I live two minutes away and work from home. If they have a cold and they are warm but their temp is below 38 degrees and they seem ok in themselves, I send them in but let school know I'll be there in five minutes maximum if anything changes. Other parents who live out of the city have their children home a lot more when they are less ill because they have an hour journey each way and it's just too much. Saying that, I have kept my children off with milder symptoms if it is the day BEFORE a school trip to give them some chance of recovery (and to spread less germs round everyone else) and have gone in more unwell than I would normally send them in because it is a school trip and they will be outdoors all day anyway.

My advice would be to make an appointment and speak to your nursery. Flag the 68% attendance and explain why you have been keeping him home historically and that you are not sure whether you have been over cautious. Ask them to give you a guideline of when they expect him to be kept home, what they class as a fever or too ill to be there.

Moving forward, if you are unsure, call them, outline the symptoms and ask them whether they would be happy to have him in. They have the experience to know what to do.

When it comes to your time, as others have said, if you feel that he has the energy and that taking him out for the day won't result in extending his illness, then go but mentally prepare yourself to come home early if he flags. Then the decision is whether it is worth the money for a full day ticket if you end up leaving early but the odds are that the excitement of the day would carry him through anyway.

From what you have said, I think that you just need to know what the parameters are or as I like the call it the "panic point". You have had an unfortunate start to parenting with 2020 but I think that you are more than capable of handling this and I don't think a bunch of strangers on the internet can provide what you need. Our circumstances are all too different.

My two pence worth is to talk to your nursery and get their opinion on what to do when he should be there. I think that the guidance on nursery days will help you with the rest. They will appreciate you acknowledging the low attendance and asking for advice on how to improve it as every teacher I know loves a parent who is willing to ask for advice and acts on it! Good luck!

Usernameunknownfornow · 26/07/2023 18:36

AngryGreasedSantaCatcus · 26/07/2023 12:31

Well the child didn't even actually have a temp, just felt hot.
Also a fever can be from a tooth infection for example, that's not a sick child or automatically means they need to be home.

Well if the tempature is above 38 degrees then yes they do need to stay at home regardless

AngryGreasedSantaCatcus · 26/07/2023 18:37

@Usernameunknownfornow why?

BackAgainstWall · 26/07/2023 18:51

If he’s ill and he doesn’t rest, he will take longer to get better.

IF he mixes with vulnerable people (undergoing chemo or whatever), he will be a huge risk to them.

Usernameunknownfornow · 26/07/2023 18:55

AngryGreasedSantaCatcus · 26/07/2023 18:37

@Usernameunknownfornow why?

Occasionally, children with fever can have a seizure or fit. This is called a febrile convulsion and most commonly occurs in children aged between six months and three years. They generally occur on day one of the fever, and in most cases have no long-term effects, so it's safer to keep them at home.

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