To not keep child home with a fever?

[caggie3]

I never know if I should keep my son home every time he's poorly or if I over react due to him being born and growing up during covid times, but I always do. Sickness bugs always but also colds, coughs, fevers. His attendance in his school nursery was only 68%. He's missed out on trips and days out etc. He woke up with a fever this morning, he's sat playing and it isn't bothering him but he is red and sweaty. He's meant to be going to a dinosaur park today and I said we won't go now he's poorly and he's crying that he wants to go and he feels fine. It just feels like I'm doing something awful letting him go out when he could be ill but as I said I don't know if that's just because having a child in covid times made me think that's the norm

So would I be unreasonable to let him go?! AIBU to not keep him home with a fever?

Febrile convulsions are very rare and, while frightening, are harmless. You can't keep a child in for every raised temperature because of this.

It does get easier as you can start relying on the child’s description of their symptoms, although my dd is a bit of a drama queen and I have to judge what’s actually a ‘thing’ and what’s her trying it on. I think she misses the days she could get a day off for Covid testing!

@caggie3 Go by how he is. If he's in pain or miserable or droopy, keep him off. If not-not.

Actually more common than you think and I am just trying to help the OP out by giving her information, I'm not stating she should keep her child indoors.

I hope I didn't sound harsh. I have a 3 year old too and nursery were also very hot on any poss covid symptom. But now- as long as there is no D&V, no contagious skin condition and no temperature (for 48hours) they are happy to take them.

As PP- if they feel well they usually are. And nursery will keep and eye and send home if they're not OK. Just let them know at drop off.

Go to the dinosaur Park. Have fun. And if he's ill you'll come home. But don't miss out on stuff because he might be a bit warm.

OP, have you actually taken his temperature? Or are you just assuming that a child who is red and sweaty has a fever? The fact that you haven't answered any of the people who have asked you this makes me think that you don't know if he actually has a fever at all. For what it's worth, both of my children used to wake up red and sweaty. In fact my son (35) still does! I used their behaviour as more of an indicator of whether they were ill and took their temperature if I was worried. 68% attendance is a shocker, so either take him to a doctor if you really think he's persistently I'll, or get to grips with the fact that you are in a (justifiable) state of anxious confusion because of the shadow of COVID and try to get out of it. He's not the only child who was born then but I bet there aren't many others in his nursery class with that low an attendance rate.

@caggie3 You need to adjust your mind set.

It isn’t your (or your ds’s) responsibility now to stop the spread of every single virus and bug. Unless you’re knowingly going into a situation with someone clinically vulnerable there are going to be unavoidable diseases about and your ds carrying anything that’s so mild the only clue you have about it is him feeling hot to touch then you’re not commiting some unforgivable sin against society.

What was his actual temp this morning and now?

Colds,sniffles,coughs DD goes in. Temperature it depends, whether there's a specific cause that is being treated (like an infected tooth, ear infection-antibiotics) and whether she's actually feeling fine in herself.
D&V she stays home. Anything else that requires staying home, she stays home.
Otherwise, If she's fine in herself and happy to go in, I send her in and I let staff know she's not 100% and that I'm happy to pick her up if needed.

Only had to pick her up 4 times in 7 years and for two of those, one she was actually fine and the second was a bad bump to the head.

We got a warning this year for absences- I’ve only ever kept them out when actively vomiting, coughing a lot, non stop bunged up etc etc. on the one day I sent my 12 yo in on a Monday morning when he told me he’d rather stay at home as he didn’t feel the best. He was a bit pale but no temp and because of the warning I couldn’t chance it. He puked everywhere and when they rang to tell us they said ‘your son was saying he wasn’t feeling well this morning, can you keep him home if he’s sick in future’. It’s so hard!!

My youngest child gets fevers all the time, even doctors tell us to ignore them if he's not looking unwell now as they just never leave for long.

If we stayed home for every fever we wouldn't leave home. In December we only had 5 days he was fever free completely.

I wouldn’t sent to school or nursery with a temp or sickness bug.
I don’t isolate now though as covid isn’t a thing and was ridiculous anyway IMO.
If he had a temp when using a thermometer, give calpol and if it comes down and he feels ok, I’d still go to something outdoors but probably not indoor things like soft play etc as he’s clearly got a bug etc.
If you’re still worried because of covid… don’t! Most people don’t follow any rules now.

Unless he’s actually showing signs of being ill I wouldn’t even bother with calpol. And I wouldn’t cancel a trip out for a fever that’s not actually causing any illness. Unless he’s been really, noticeably ill this year then an attendance level of 68% does suggest you’re being over cautious imo.

Cornettoninja
@caggie3 You need to adjust your mind set.

It isn’t your (or your ds’s) responsibility now to stop the spread of every single virus and bug. Unless you’re knowingly going into a situation with someone clinically vulnerable there are going to be unavoidable diseases about and your ds carrying anything that’s so mild the only clue you have about it is him feeling hot to touch then you’re not commiting some unforgivable sin against society.
Not sure this is a way to think either though, ds’ play once got called off because 15 out of his class had a bug most likely from a class party they’d all been at the week before. So 15 out of the 29 there got sick because of someone who probably just didn’t feel the best

He can't go, what if he faints or collapses esp if he has a fever. he stays in for his own sake.
I remember being a kid and had tonsillitis and was invited to a birthday party but wasn't allowed to go, my sister went. I was so disappointed. Its part of life don't feel guilty

Why would he faint or collapse? If he’s behaving perfectly normally and is just a bit warm, that’s the last thing that would even enter my mind.

@stayathomer I suppose it depends from your starting point. To me the OP seems like she’s probably being over cautious right now and could do with dialling it back a notch or three.

Your anecdote sounds awful for those who did pick up whatever was going round, but ultimately you can’t prevent every illness and we’re not currently even trying to.

Obvious symptoms of illness should be treated differently to more ambiguous ones but even then everyone is going to get ill at some point, that’s not really anyone’s ‘responsibility’ like say, food poisoning. No one should be restricting their lives out of a sense of duty that isn’t required of them or anyone else.

We take the approach that we don't send DC to school/nursery/play activities/go to places that are likely to have lots of children if they're unwell.

Sniffles or mild colds are fine, but heavy colds, fevers, S&D etc are another matter.

People would have to take fewer days off work if more parents didn't send their children to schools/nurseries/busy family attractions to spread every bug under the sun.

DS's school is very much a "if they can be in they should be". Not in a silly way - if they're poorly and therefore not able to learn, then home is the best place for them but generally - try them in school and they'll call if child needs collecting. They're very hot on 48hrs for D&V so they're not careless with their policy and it does stop the blurred lines somewhat.

Cornettoninja
Thats very true- op’s scenario sounds less obvious and could as likely be absolutely nothing!

This

How many kids do you know who collapse and feint with a low fever?

Absolutely. Getting the balance right is really hard. I didn't get an attendance rate from nursery, but I'd guess it was lower than 60%. The last time I had a fortnight without illness was the summer holidays.

He's got no underlying medical problems. I've no reason to think this is anything other than catching up with all the usual childhood viruses. People saying this amount of illness is abnormal or unusual are very lucky in my opinion.
I know other parents send their sick kids in, (some don't have many other options), but I'd rather they didn't.
OP if you think your child is well enough to enjoy the dinosaurs, and has a low chance of spreading illness to other kids, then take him.
If you think he'll be unhappy, or could make other kids sick, do something else and go when he's better.

So it’s really a two pronged thread

AIBU to have my son off nursery for 32% of the time

AIBU to say we will go to the dinosaur park another time

Op - I vaguely remembers your user name and sure enough…. Dozens of threads you have started about health issues relating to you or your son. Over and over and over again.

I suspect this obvious health anxiety lies at the root of the 32% non attendance more than anything else

Do not doubt your wanting to keep him.home.and away from others.
The number of illnesses in our first year of nursery was unreal and typically normal. I noticed my medicine cabinet go from paracetamol to all types or medicines once my child started.
Give your child paracetamol for the fever.
Keeping good care of your family is vital to anything else... I still feel like the need to be given a % of absence is a guilt trip no parent needs.
Your child has to build up immunity.
Mums intuition helps.
The park, friends will be along when he is better.
Facetime makes for good entertainment if they are up to it with family.