To not rehome my pets despite lowering their quality of life?

[bakingtouch]

I need this thread as a very clear wake up call if that's what's needed.

I've just broken up with my long term partner and have moved out of the house we were renting. I've recently moved into a ground floor flat that has accepted my pets. It has a garden bit out the front albeit concrete but my dog has no issue toileting there (obvs I clean)

They're all adjusting well (2 cats and a dog) and they're honestly my world, especially after the breakup, I'd feel so isolated without them. They're 7, 5 and 4. The dog is 4.

I'm having to go back to in office work full time (was at home 2/5 days before). On those 3 days my dog would get picked up by a service that offered a 2 hour play date service and dropped home again, with other dogs, but the best I can do now is have my mum pop in to let him out to the toilet. They've always been on KatKin and Butternut Box but this is massively going to have to change, my outgoings on my own are simply exceeding my salary so I'm having to cut back and they're going to need to go on a cheap food.

I do feel awful overall. They're life is going to be very different, but they're going to be happier with me still, right? or is it best to give them up to someone who can offer them a lot more?

How big is your flat, how much space do they have? How big is your dog? Is your mum going to be able to come every day 5 days a week that’s quite a big ask.

100% without doubt you’re doing the best thing. They just want to be with who thry love & who loves them back. They’re fed, looked after & loved. They’re very lucky!

There's a group called borrow my doggy - check it out and see if there's anyone local in your area who would be willing to walk your dog for you.

We used it a few years ago when our doggy day care closed down and we were looking for alternatives. Found a lovely older retired man who didn't want the responsibility of a dog but still wanted to keep active. It was a life saver and didn't cost us a penny either.

Your pets will be so much happier staying with you than getting rehomed (or sitting in kennels). Things might not be perfect right now, but they are with the human they love (and it’s obvious that you love them too).

Look for some enrichment toys and walk your dog before and after work. If your mum can stay for a cuppa, even better. Try not to worry .

This is a fantastic option. Lots of people are happy to be involved with dogs, but don't want one full time. My neighbours do this with a Yorkie. She's retired and has always had dogs, but she doesn't want to commit to one full time anymore. Pet owners happy too, because neighbours will look after it if owners go on holiday. It's a win win

Could you try Borry My Doggy to see if someone will walk the dog? Lots of people can't have their own but would love contact with a dog

Whilst I appreciate your wanting to change from Butternut, I have found if I order smaller sized pouches and get 28 days delivered, it works out cheaper. I then add more dry food. Maybe something to think about.

The most important thing I’m your pets world is you. If you feel you can keep them don’t worry about the rest.

I agree, a 4yo dog will be happy with:

a walk in the morning
A run in the garden at lunch
A walk early evening
A walk just before bed

More than that is for people with ALOT of time on their hands.

I had to leave an abusive relationship and chose to take our dog away with me because the idea of leaving my much loved (doggy) girl with a mentally unbalanced alcoholic was unthinkable. It was a struggle, living in an Air BnB lodge the size of a garden shed wasn't easy and there were times when I seriously questioned whether I'd done the right thing by her, but 18 months on we couldn't be happier, we live in a little house in a peaceful village and I found a job that fitted around her. If the cost of dog food is a concern then do as I do and make your own in batches using frozen mixed veg and beef or turkey mince for the freezer, very easy to do and so much cheaper. You can do it !!

I think they will all be fine agree make sure cats have somewhere dogs can't get to. maybe your mum can have a coffee and give them all a bit of attention rather than just a quick pee break . Also some stuffed Kings or treats when she leaves just to fill a bit of time for them .

Your pets have everything they need. A safe place to live, food and most importantly you to love them. Don't even think of giving them up. Could you find a teen on home for summer holidays who would walk you dog for 1/2 hour at lunch times? A bit of extra cash for them and lovely for your dog. Your cats won't care.

If you rehomed them I doubt they would be fed on the same food anyway. It's a tough time, mainly for the dog but I'm sure he'll be fine. Nice long walks at the weekend and weekday walks as you've mentioned. It's really a suck it and see situation; if he seems to be unable to cope with the new regime maybe rethink things but IME he should be okay. He'll be with his beloved person.

Oh that's so 💕.

I have lovely vet who told me that a dog will always adjust to his/her owners lifestyle. As long as they are loved and cherished.
I think you do both!

We don’t have a dog (do have a lovely cat though) but I often walk our neighbour’s cocker spaniel. It’s not a formal arrangement, I just pop in and pick her up on days I am WFH or holidays, or sometimes my neighbour messages and asks me to have her a whole day. I have a key which makes it easier but realise that wouldn’t be for everyone. You might find there is a dog-less dog-lover who lives locally once you’re more established. My neighbour slips me the odd bottle of wine or box of biscuits, but I always tell her not to.

I agree. It's a surprise to me that everyone is saying that leaving a young dog on its own for hours at a time every day is fine. Of course he'll get used it. He shouldn't have to though

I wonder if there'd be the same responses in the Doghouse rather than AIBU

It's a surprise to me that everyone is saying that leaving a young dog on its own for hours at a time every day is fine. Of course he'll get used it. He shouldn't have to though

I think people are weighing it up against the reality of the rehoming situation

There is no guarantee the person you rehome to will give them butternut box and a nice life. Keep them op. Ask around- I walk a dog locally as my own dog can’t cope anymore and I’ll be noticeably more sizeable without a good walk. I do it for free- keeps us both happy.

I don’t necessarily think you should rehome them but I think your dog in particular is getting a rough deal being alone in a flat so many hours sorry.

I think you might need to have a very careful rethink about finances and cut back any other way at all to afford some daycare or at least a 30 min midday walk for him.

I think you should keep them.
You're organising care for them while youre at work, which is significantly more responsible than many people.
They know you and they love you, and you love them. Walks before and after work and they should snooze for a large part of the day while youre away.

If your cats are used to coming and going when they please then changing that to keep them indoors for a long period of the day is not going to work. Coupled with limited space to coexist, they will become very unhappy. Will your landlord consider a cat flap installed into a window if you pay for it and for it to be returned to pre-moving in state when/if you move out?

It’s a surprise to me that everyone is saying the cats won’t care.

OP, we used Borrow my Doggy and had nothing but positive experiences.

You can meet the people first. Go for a walk with them and your dog first. Yes, you do have to trust the person somewhat but it isn't much different than a dog walker, and you often see dog walkers standing in parks with 10 dogs all over the place while they are looking down at their 'phone.

We had 3 regulars who borrowed our dog.

If done responsibly rehoming can work. There are lots of posters on here who have rescued/rehomed with very positive outcomes.

No one should under estimate the impact perhaps 8+ years of monotonous boredom and loneliness for most of its life starting from just 4 years old can do to a dog. Better to rehome now before the dog starts developing behavioural problems that will make it harder for him to find a new home.

The reality is a dog in this situation, for 5 days a week consistently for years, will only be getting quality engagement or stimulation with its human for perhaps 1-2 hours a day tops! 22+ hours a day "sleeping" or waiting is no life for an active young dog.