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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I seem to have backed myself in to a corner...

416 replies

largeginandtonic · 26/02/2008 10:32

I am collecting my friends ds for her from school every day and on a Friday every other week he stays for tea until 630-7. She has asked me to keep him overnight, i have made excuses so far.

She is a child minder and has taken on a little girl that goes to another school to her ds. This means she is not able to do 2 school runs at once. The situation should be temporary as the little girl is on a waiting list for the same school as her ds attends.

I collect my ds and her's at the same time, 3pm. I then sit in my car with them (and my 2 younger children age 3 and 9 months) and wait for the twins to come out from the junior school. I get home the children shoot upstairs with a snack (starving after school) and play\fight\drive me insane.

She arrives about 445ish, i then have to invite her in and chat while i am busy doing lunchboxes etc... and she yells for her ds to get his shoes on, pick his stuff up.

The Friday situation is because she drives over to Surrey to take her mum and Nan shopping. Neither can drive and her Nan is quite poorly.

This has been going on since the children went back to school after Xmas. She mentioned at the time we started this that she would pay me, particularly for the Friday. It has never been mentioned again.

I know he is not in the house for a long time and i do the run anyway but i am just a bit miffed that she is getting paid to have this little girl and i have her ds for nothing.

It is becoming an issue as my dh really does not like the situation at all. He is not really fond of her ds as he causes extra fights between the children and a HUGE issue for us is he does not eat! We always try to plan tea time to be very child friendly if we have him, chicken nuggets, chips and veg. Mine think it is Xmas as we are so careful with their diet food like that is treat. We also always make sure the children eat everything on their plate before pudding. He never does and moans as soon as he sits down at the table Pushing his food around and looking like we are torturing him.

He is never happy to be picked up after school and clearly dislikes the way we parent.

I would have to stand next to her everyday at school, i see her most mornings too.

What have i done!!! How do i change it? DH is threatening to speak to her as he is so annoyed with it all. Gah!

Apologies for length of whinge

OP posts:
kitbit · 27/02/2008 10:39

...and definitely from now until the end of the arrangement have her ds ready and waiting at the door for when she arrives! It's not rude, it's practical! You can always airily announce that he couldn't wait to get his coat on to see him Mum

jellies · 27/02/2008 10:41

But what is one?

kitbit · 27/02/2008 10:41

Shabster!! I said it on the spur of the moment to a bloke with a clipboard in the high street who wanted to sell me car insurance. The result was so fantastic that I mentally filed it away for future emergencies!

shabster · 27/02/2008 10:43

jellies - a troll is someone who makes up a weird thread - usually involving DH assaulting them and then they go into prem labour etc etc - we had one on here last week - I was all ready to invite her to stay at mine - until I read more experienced MN ladies outing her!!

Yes, I know, Im just weird they are weird and very very odd.

JaneHH · 27/02/2008 10:45

Jellies - a troll is (as far as I've managed to glean from so many wasted hours reading their threads ) someone who posts with the intention of getting people's backs up, ready for a fight etc. Pretends to have a real problem then sits back, opens the popcorn and waits for the fun to begin while everyone else has a blazing row.

So LG&T you're def not a troll

Get right in there. Fink's in Germany, I'm in Holland (does that say something about the rest of Europe compared to us Brits and our rather pathetic overuse of the word sorry...?) so we'll both be beaming loads of stern Germanic thoughts over to you. Good luck!

And LOL at work at the pants and socks thing!!!!!!!

JaneHH · 27/02/2008 10:45

oops cross post with shabster

jellies · 27/02/2008 10:47

OMG kitbit... LOL
Thanks shab I've been wondering that for ages!
LargeG&T not weak natured to want to avoid confrontation.. I think its nice! people are to ready sometimes to shout and fight.. you just want your peacefull happy fridays back its not unreasonable!

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 27/02/2008 10:47

My pants do match my socks

OP posts:
kitbit · 27/02/2008 10:47

...and I'm in Spain, so count me in for the vibes! (noone ever says sorry here!)

JaneHH · 27/02/2008 10:48

oh hang on so do mine today

shabster · 27/02/2008 10:48

awwwww its not fair I want to be from Rhodes, Greece not piggin Bolton, England.

kitbit · 27/02/2008 10:50
Iamnotashrinkingviolet · 27/02/2008 10:50

I am getting in the mood...

shabster · 27/02/2008 10:50

if you get on my Greek mate, Nikos's nerves he says

'Stop this before I spit on you' I kid you not G & T. every time I try to snog the face off him on holiday he pulls me away from him and threatens 'I spit on you'

Say that to her plus the knickers and socks thing

JaneHH · 27/02/2008 10:51

:-) kitbit that's funny... maybe we Brits should all move abroad for a bit to get assertive then move back again... I give up trying to explain to people here all the situations we Brits actually use the word "sorry". Here they only use it if they're actually apologising, fancy that

so who else has got matching pants and socks on while LG&T goes and beats up the woman at the school gates?

kitbit · 27/02/2008 10:51

you could always add "ooh wait, I forgot I'm not wearing any! tra-la-la"

(and I could learn to wait until I've completed a thought before pressing POST...doh!)

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 27/02/2008 10:52

LMAO Jane

OP posts:
finknottle · 27/02/2008 10:52

oh blimey - no, no, no, didn't mean that you were a troll, just that was my last contribution to supporting an MNer (the prem one) and it was a bit unsettling so I'm pulling your guilt-levers so I can feel better at having given advice and it was all to the good, iyswim. All about me not wasting advice I think. I wasn't entirely serious. Oh dear.
Clear?
As mud

Good idea to have her ds all ready, no fumbling around for shoes etc after The Showdown.

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 27/02/2008 10:54

Aw thats ok Fink, i knew what ya meant

OP posts:
Original poster
largeginandtonic · 27/02/2008 10:55

I missed that troll thread, how long did it go for? Whay do people do that? Bonkers.

OP posts:
shabster · 27/02/2008 10:57

That thread went on for a few days - I had my samaritans head on (as usual) and gave all kinds of crap advice. Whoever it was, left us hanging my a thread (pardon the pun) I was knitting prem baby clothes at one point

shabster · 27/02/2008 10:57

or even hanging BY a thread

finknottle · 27/02/2008 10:58

Phew!
Right then. I have synchronised watches for UK time Showdown.
I will be back for update.
I also have gin in the fridge to celebrate with you
Got your lines ready?
Funny about Assertiveness Abroad

Idobelieveinfairies · 27/02/2008 10:58

Hi there LG&T!!...

your just gonna have to tell her you are finding it hard having an extra child in the house. Give her a couple of weeks notice..you are not being unreasonable at all..you do have 6 children of your own after all!

If it's anything like my house when a friend comes over all the children seem to go loopy! I keep visits to weekends, after school there is so much to do to get organised for the next day.

I think she should be grateful you helped her out for this long.

You will be fine and if she is funny with you then that is her problem!

Good luck!

finknottle · 27/02/2008 11:00

(wish I hadn't mentioned the T. These things tend to infect other threads)

Swipe left for the next trending thread