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AIBU?

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Original poster

I seem to have backed myself in to a corner...

416 replies

largeginandtonic · 26/02/2008 10:32

I am collecting my friends ds for her from school every day and on a Friday every other week he stays for tea until 630-7. She has asked me to keep him overnight, i have made excuses so far.

She is a child minder and has taken on a little girl that goes to another school to her ds. This means she is not able to do 2 school runs at once. The situation should be temporary as the little girl is on a waiting list for the same school as her ds attends.

I collect my ds and her's at the same time, 3pm. I then sit in my car with them (and my 2 younger children age 3 and 9 months) and wait for the twins to come out from the junior school. I get home the children shoot upstairs with a snack (starving after school) and play\fight\drive me insane.

She arrives about 445ish, i then have to invite her in and chat while i am busy doing lunchboxes etc... and she yells for her ds to get his shoes on, pick his stuff up.

The Friday situation is because she drives over to Surrey to take her mum and Nan shopping. Neither can drive and her Nan is quite poorly.

This has been going on since the children went back to school after Xmas. She mentioned at the time we started this that she would pay me, particularly for the Friday. It has never been mentioned again.

I know he is not in the house for a long time and i do the run anyway but i am just a bit miffed that she is getting paid to have this little girl and i have her ds for nothing.

It is becoming an issue as my dh really does not like the situation at all. He is not really fond of her ds as he causes extra fights between the children and a HUGE issue for us is he does not eat! We always try to plan tea time to be very child friendly if we have him, chicken nuggets, chips and veg. Mine think it is Xmas as we are so careful with their diet food like that is treat. We also always make sure the children eat everything on their plate before pudding. He never does and moans as soon as he sits down at the table Pushing his food around and looking like we are torturing him.

He is never happy to be picked up after school and clearly dislikes the way we parent.

I would have to stand next to her everyday at school, i see her most mornings too.

What have i done!!! How do i change it? DH is threatening to speak to her as he is so annoyed with it all. Gah!

Apologies for length of whinge

OP posts:
BumperliciousNeedsaGlassofWine · 28/02/2008 09:59

Actually, a call might be better as you could write large notes to yourself to remind yourself what to say.

Threadworm · 28/02/2008 10:00

Possibly we've reached to point where kind-hearted G&T will lay down line to exploitative friend as a kindness to all the mumsnetters willing her to do it. She is too good natured to let us all down.

Reflect, G&T,: you can disappoint your RL friend or disappoint all of us 100s of much more important imaginary people. You know which is for the best!

finknottle · 28/02/2008 10:00

I love coffee and I love lemon cake.

Yes but we're HERE. As JaneHH says, right behind you. Like in Harry Potter when Voldemort and Harry's wands link and then his parents come out and support him.
Or in Star Wars when Luke hears the voice (memory a bit hazy there) of his sister and is saved.

We're the MN Force

morre · 28/02/2008 10:02

It's a shame we can't all listen into the phone conversation, giving you advise on the spot.
This is my first week home after 10 years of work work work, I thought what the hell am I gonna do, but thanks ladies, I am definetely hooked on this!!
G&T Good luck, I'm off for a coffee and chocolate cake now...

clam · 28/02/2008 10:04

Ooh! Lemon cake?

bellavita · 28/02/2008 10:06

Come on LG&T - I have to leave for work at 10.50.

The more you wait the more nervous you will get.

finknottle · 28/02/2008 10:06

Checked your profile and v glad to see you like HP otherwise you'd dismiss my advice as ravings of a loon, lol.

If you can cope with 6 children and look that good, you can bloody well do anything

And as Treadworm says, emotional blackmail may well await you if you falter now

Just above this Mesasge box is your line: "He is never happy to be picked up after school and clearly dislikes the way we parent." Do it for him too.

clam · 28/02/2008 10:11

And when you've made the call, get yourself on to a modelling agency and register that gorgeous looking child! (Hugo)
Im sure the other DCs are as gorgeous but that pic was closer up.

JaneHH · 28/02/2008 10:28

thinks LG&T's on the phone, YAY!!

Go LG&T
Go LG&T
Go LG&T
Go LG&T
Go LG&T

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 28/02/2008 10:29

OHMIGOD

Have sent a text, i feel sick.

OP posts:
BumperliciousNeedsaGlassofWine · 28/02/2008 10:29
PotPourri · 28/02/2008 10:30

Aaargh, the anticipation is killing us! Go LG&T!! You are strong, you have 6 beautiful children, you can easily handle one stroppy liberty taker! Go for it!

BumperliciousNeedsaGlassofWine · 28/02/2008 10:30

What did it say?

morre · 28/02/2008 10:31

have another piece of cake!

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 28/02/2008 10:31

I was on the phone but to my mother, she has just egged me on further. She is very similar to me and would have done this too when we were little. She had full sympathy and said all the same things you ahve been saying

Hugo is yummy, covered in pox but still cute. Course is a little terror most of the time but totally gets away with it

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 28/02/2008 10:33

and...the txt...?

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 28/02/2008 10:34

It said

Hello, i just want to give you as much notice as i can. I will not be able to pick up ds from school as of the week after next or on friday. It is causing arguments with dh and is just too much. I would rather not go in to the details as i would still like us to be friends (that was the guilt coming through) I hope you manage to sort out something else. See you later x

How is it?

OP posts:
kitbit · 28/02/2008 10:34

moochas grassyarse it does work doesn't it! And if you feel it's becoming embarrassing or awkward to keep repeating you can vary it slightly by intonation or head tipping, which makes the other person less aware that you are still hammering home the same message but nevertheless, you are.

How are you doing G&T! Don't ring her if it's just to satify all of us (even though we are all on the edge of our seats!! ) but it is good that there is EVEN MORE ammunition in the form of poorly children.

HOWEVER be prepared that she may think you are saying "enough" in a temporary way until all the kids are better. Just be prepared in case she says "when the kids are better" or "until they are better" as she may be assuming normal service will resume.

Do you need scary warpaint as well as the nice pointy spear and shiny helmet? (ooer)

morre · 28/02/2008 10:35

Excellent!!!

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 28/02/2008 10:35

Just hope she can read it, her dh is working from home so he can read it to her if needs be.

OP posts:
Threadworm · 28/02/2008 10:35

Well done G&T!!!!

bellavita · 28/02/2008 10:36

Well done LG&T

AMumInScotland · 28/02/2008 10:36

Well done - that covers it fine. Knew you could do it if you set your mind to it !

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 28/02/2008 10:37

Forgot i also put at the end of the text

Dont worry about next week i will still collect ds for you.

OP posts:
BumperliciousNeedsaGlassofWine · 28/02/2008 10:37

Well done!