Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I seem to have backed myself in to a corner...

416 replies

largeginandtonic · 26/02/2008 10:32

I am collecting my friends ds for her from school every day and on a Friday every other week he stays for tea until 630-7. She has asked me to keep him overnight, i have made excuses so far.

She is a child minder and has taken on a little girl that goes to another school to her ds. This means she is not able to do 2 school runs at once. The situation should be temporary as the little girl is on a waiting list for the same school as her ds attends.

I collect my ds and her's at the same time, 3pm. I then sit in my car with them (and my 2 younger children age 3 and 9 months) and wait for the twins to come out from the junior school. I get home the children shoot upstairs with a snack (starving after school) and play\fight\drive me insane.

She arrives about 445ish, i then have to invite her in and chat while i am busy doing lunchboxes etc... and she yells for her ds to get his shoes on, pick his stuff up.

The Friday situation is because she drives over to Surrey to take her mum and Nan shopping. Neither can drive and her Nan is quite poorly.

This has been going on since the children went back to school after Xmas. She mentioned at the time we started this that she would pay me, particularly for the Friday. It has never been mentioned again.

I know he is not in the house for a long time and i do the run anyway but i am just a bit miffed that she is getting paid to have this little girl and i have her ds for nothing.

It is becoming an issue as my dh really does not like the situation at all. He is not really fond of her ds as he causes extra fights between the children and a HUGE issue for us is he does not eat! We always try to plan tea time to be very child friendly if we have him, chicken nuggets, chips and veg. Mine think it is Xmas as we are so careful with their diet food like that is treat. We also always make sure the children eat everything on their plate before pudding. He never does and moans as soon as he sits down at the table Pushing his food around and looking like we are torturing him.

He is never happy to be picked up after school and clearly dislikes the way we parent.

I would have to stand next to her everyday at school, i see her most mornings too.

What have i done!!! How do i change it? DH is threatening to speak to her as he is so annoyed with it all. Gah!

Apologies for length of whinge

OP posts:
cameroonmama · 28/02/2008 09:03

Are you back yet LG&T? What did you say? What was her reaction? How is Hugs?

pindy · 28/02/2008 09:09

Must be a long "chat" - perhaps she is fighting!!!!

Go LG&T we are all right behind you!!!!!!

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 28/02/2008 09:10

Ah feck. She was not there so assumed ds must be ill again. Just this second got a text from her though asking to come over for a cuppa. I said, now wait for it.... NO!

Hugs has been up most of the night and is not well at all, so i said nope. I do need to speak to her but couldnt face having her here for hours. Does she not care if her dc get the pox either? I know some people have pox parties but this seems to be a particularly nasty strain and i have explained this to her.

OP posts:
morre · 28/02/2008 09:11

G&T don't let us wait any longer, how did it go??

pindy · 28/02/2008 09:11

She wants her ds to get the pox - then you can look after him even more!!!!!

oranges · 28/02/2008 09:12

I think you need to call her and tell her, so it won't ruin your weekend.
x

Blueskythinker · 28/02/2008 09:14

I'm a fan of speaking face to face, but I agree with oranges, this is only going to ruin your weekend (and ours)

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 28/02/2008 09:15

I will see her tonight as i will be picking her ds up, he is obviously back at school and she was just late this morning (quite normal)

I may phone anyway, i can feel my resolve slipping...

DH thinks you are all bloody fantastic i may point out

OP posts:
Original poster
largeginandtonic · 28/02/2008 09:16

She has a ds age 2 and a baby 6 months.

OP posts:
finknottle · 28/02/2008 09:21

at her inviting you and baby I presume over when her ds is ill - no worries about your wee baby catching whatever it is.

Resentment bubble is good - all this postponement means it will build till you can't bear it hanging over you any more and you will confront her.

Is her ds supposed to come tomorrow if well? text her back that your son is ill so even if hers is better, no pick up tomorrow.

Tbh, with all this pox and now her ds being ill, I'd be tempted to call her, say, sorry would rather have done this face to face but:
then get it over with.
You can have notes by the phone to help.

Go on, dare ya

finknottle · 28/02/2008 09:26

x-post.
Ah, you will see her.
Mmm, you have a sick child. You can't pick up her ds too.

I'd call her. Resolve slipping is Not Good.

CALL. You will be so relieved.
You can't take on another child when yours is ill. Not fair on anyone. Your ds needs you, you're knackered, knock on effect on your other dc...
Just don't make it sound like it's cos of the pox.
Say it's brought it to a head: perfect opening.

Threadworm · 28/02/2008 09:29

I think this has to come to an end now! Phone her, lay down the line! It can't be doing you any good getting pysched up and then having to put off the deed so many times.

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 28/02/2008 09:30

Fink you are wise. I dont want to phone though, i may send a short text setting the scene for when i see her later though. That way i cant chicken out and will have to do it.

What do you think?

OP posts:
morre · 28/02/2008 09:30

We're all anxious, just get it over and done with so we can all relax!

morre · 28/02/2008 09:31

G&T prepare some notes before you text cause she might call you straight after...

Mrsjaffabiffa · 28/02/2008 09:32

Poor Hugs

can't believe you said NO......... Wooo hoo your armour must be doing it's job. xxx

N could get his sword out on her.

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 28/02/2008 09:34

at sword MrsJB.

Good grief will she call after i send a text? Nooooooooooooo, dont want her to do that.

Im off to put a pot of coffee on and have some lemon cake to steel myself.

Apologies to all who are waiting I am ON IT i promise.

OP posts:
PotPourri · 28/02/2008 09:42

Oh poo. Logged inot see this thread specifically today!! I definatley think you shoudl get it over with. Have your lemon cake adn coffee, write some short notes, make the phone call. And finish off with a nice 'well, see you tonight - hope DS is feeling better soon'.

While you are sipping your coffee just now, picture what a weight will be gone when you have done it. The worst case scenario is that she will turn into a moody cow (no loss imo), best case is you stay on friendly terms but have your life back and a HUGE boost of 'i can do it' confidence!

finknottle · 28/02/2008 09:42

I think a text may give her time to script her rebuttals.
But if you feel better doing it, then do. "Something I want to discuss" type thing?

You're on a roll, the pox and sleepless nights are the tipping point for you. "It isn't working. It's too much"

Checklist:

lines: check, run though them
resolve: check
patience: exhausted
goodwill: exploited
your family: priority
gin: on hold
helmet: check, shiny
spear: check, sharp

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 28/02/2008 09:49

Fink why the feck do you live so far away >

OP posts:
JaneHH · 28/02/2008 09:53

Good list, Fink (morning all). Add to that:

Half of Mumsnet lined up behind you: check

Go on, LG&T, do it as soon as you've finished your coffee. And no ooh I'll just mop the kitchen floor first . Phone is good - you're in control, you've got your list of notes to hand which she can't see, and you don't have to look her in the eyes.

You will be SO glad. Come on, you can do it!

Kewcumber · 28/02/2008 09:56

Go go go LG&T!

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 28/02/2008 09:56
OP posts:
AMumInScotland · 28/02/2008 09:56

We're all here backing you up - I know it's a horrible feeling, specially having to do it on the phone, but you know it has to be got through to get your life back

BumperliciousNeedsaGlassofWine · 28/02/2008 09:58

Gahh! I've just read through this whole thread hoping that LG&T had finally triumphed!

I know exactly how you feel about confrontation, in fact I am worse on the phone. Good luck. You really don't have to give any excuses, that makes it sound like you should be doing it, you have nothing to excuse, enough is enough.

And what the feck is her reason for wanting you to keep him over night?

I cannot believe she has not offered you anything in return? Not even looking after any of your DC's?

Btw, looking at your family pics made me feel v broody, and I am not a broody person!

Swipe left for the next trending thread