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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hate my child being clingy and talking constantly.

99 replies

Dina82 · 22/07/2023 13:28

Could never admit to this in real life. DD 7 just want to be around me constantly. I work from home and am a homebody.

She is a beautiful girl who I love dearly but she constant wants conversation, won't play on her own, she has stopped playing with toys and loves arts and crafts.

I just wish she would stop being so attached to me. We have days out, reading time, park trips etc but at home she wants to be physically close to me and I just want to zone out it be in my own space.

I've noticed it more as we are back from hosing family for 2 weeks and she was attached by the hip to her aunt. Coming back it's started again. AIBU? I'm truly grateful for her being my daughter and do do extra curricular activities with her, emotionally we talk a lot and out feelings, worries and any concerns she has. I reassure her but on the whole she is confident.

I have no family or friends where I live that she goes to so it's me and her every weekend and holiday. DP and I wouldn't allow it, yes we have play dates but my own family I'm NC and with friends I wouldn't put my trust in them. We are protective. She does activities like Brownies and gymnastics, art class and is very sociable at school.

Whats wrong with me?

OP posts:
KylieKangaroo · 22/07/2023 13:34

Mine is the same, it's a lot isn't it! She does have playdates with her friends though, does your DD have any friends from school you could have over to give you a break and vise versa?

greenthumb13 · 22/07/2023 13:37

Bit weird that you won't allow any play dates but that's not the question!

It's of course normal for you to want your own space and honestly she should learn to have her own space to. Maybe try 30 minutes of play in her room and then work your way up to an hour? You can get her lots of things that she wants to play with or a Yoto player to listen to stories etc. but at seven having quiet time by herself should be achievable. I used to play puzzles etc and loved it actually. (Only child!)

Sometimeswinning · 22/07/2023 13:37

You're me!! I feel awful sometimes but she is just a little chatterbox who loves her family sooo much! It's exhausting. Mine is also 7 and I will sometimes say not now I'm eating/reading my book etc. But I do even it out with telling myself to engage with whatever she is asking (it doesn't come naturally to me) I'm more into the walks, playdates, going out for coffee. She still needs that extra at home.

Moltenpink · 22/07/2023 13:40

Could the NC part of your post be relevant? Is she afraid of losing you maybe?

SavBlancTonight · 22/07/2023 13:40

If her contact with other adults is limited then its not entirely surprising she wants to be with you constantly. Do more playdates - and leave her there with the other family and invite other children to your house to distract her.

Also, why can't your dp distract her? Dh regularly actively plays with dd to give me a break.

10HailMarys · 22/07/2023 13:41

greenthumb13 · 22/07/2023 13:37

Bit weird that you won't allow any play dates but that's not the question!

It's of course normal for you to want your own space and honestly she should learn to have her own space to. Maybe try 30 minutes of play in her room and then work your way up to an hour? You can get her lots of things that she wants to play with or a Yoto player to listen to stories etc. but at seven having quiet time by herself should be achievable. I used to play puzzles etc and loved it actually. (Only child!)

The OP doesn’t say she doesn’t allow play dates. She specifically says she does do play dates (but she doesn’t see the OP’s family because they’re not in contact).

FlopsiesAngrySandwich · 22/07/2023 13:42

If you wont allow her to have playdates, then you and your partner are the only ones she can talk to!

FlopsiesAngrySandwich · 22/07/2023 13:43

I mean that you won't allow her to go to friends' houses, sorry.

AgentProvocateur · 22/07/2023 13:49

I can’t understand your last paragraph, but it looks like you don’t allow her to have play dates at friends’ houses. She’ll be picking up on your fears and intuiting that there something to be scared of, hence clinging to you or her aunt.

gonetogreece · 22/07/2023 13:49

I had one like this, it's a lot. What about if you put on a movie and sat with her but with you reading or doing your own thing.

N4ish · 22/07/2023 13:51

The family set up sounds quite insular and intense and perhaps that’s making her anxious and keen to cling to trusted adults like you and her aunt. Did your daughter witness any of the behaviour that caused you to go NC with wider family?

Herejusttocomment · 22/07/2023 13:53

This is a lot like my daughter and she's recently turned 10!
I am suspecting neurodivergence with her, a lot of things would make a LOT of sense (she's not very sociable unlike your DD, she does alright I think, she's good in small groups but bigger groups are a no-no, so Brownies etc. she doesn't enjoy).

I just kinda got used to it, in the past year she got a bit more independent though, like she'll craft or paint without needing me as long as I'm in the same room or she'll watch something on YouTube in her room for a bit if I'm on the same floor level. She is even okay with being in the house by herself for about 30 mins as long as she has something to do.

I think it's just how some children are, probably has something to do with being an only child too because they don't have the sibling to keep them company.

Herejusttocomment · 22/07/2023 13:55

PS: my DD is an only child, not sure about your DD, I'm guessing from the wording she is too?

Original poster
Dina82 · 22/07/2023 13:56

She has play dates in the sense that her friend and the parent will be present. I wouldn't leave her allow at her friends house.
Safety reasons, I don't know them , their older siblings, their partner etc.

OP posts:
finewelshcheese · 22/07/2023 13:58

Dina82 · 22/07/2023 13:56

She has play dates in the sense that her friend and the parent will be present. I wouldn't leave her allow at her friends house.
Safety reasons, I don't know them , their older siblings, their partner etc.

That sounds a bit uptight, maybe she's getting those vibes from you and it's making her like this.

Original poster
Dina82 · 22/07/2023 13:59

I went NC 3 years ago and she doesn't remember much. It was a very abusive family and I have a diagnosis of complex PTSD that I'm currently working through and am massively better from having has extensive counselling and therapy.

I do like going out the house more, museums, walks, libraries, the park but when I'm at home I just want a break and some peace. Even talking and communicating constant seems too much.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dina82 · 22/07/2023 14:00

Herejusttocomment · 22/07/2023 13:53

This is a lot like my daughter and she's recently turned 10!
I am suspecting neurodivergence with her, a lot of things would make a LOT of sense (she's not very sociable unlike your DD, she does alright I think, she's good in small groups but bigger groups are a no-no, so Brownies etc. she doesn't enjoy).

I just kinda got used to it, in the past year she got a bit more independent though, like she'll craft or paint without needing me as long as I'm in the same room or she'll watch something on YouTube in her room for a bit if I'm on the same floor level. She is even okay with being in the house by herself for about 30 mins as long as she has something to do.

I think it's just how some children are, probably has something to do with being an only child too because they don't have the sibling to keep them company.

My daughter has an elder sibling. They just fight and the age gap means they don't share any of the same interest.

OP posts:
Hufflepods · 22/07/2023 14:01

Honestly it’s just part of having a young child, particularly an only child at that age. Of course they are going to want to talk to
you and interact with you when you’re at home.

Original poster
Dina82 · 22/07/2023 14:02

What's uptight about me not allowing my daughter to be left in the company of male strangers she doesn't know?
Ridiculous comment

OP posts:
Whatafustercluck · 22/07/2023 14:02

My 6yo dd is like this. In fact, I've just brought myself into a lockable room in the house and told the while family I'm having 10 mins on my own!

I can't even put a film on and sit beside her doing my own thing. If I put a film on she expects me to sit beside her watching it and will pause it if I leave to get a cup of tea!

She's very capable of occupying herself but when me and her are home she's like my shadow. Rainy days like today are even worse as we're on top of each other all day!

RunningAwayToJoinTheCircus · 22/07/2023 14:03

Dina82 · 22/07/2023 13:56

She has play dates in the sense that her friend and the parent will be present. I wouldn't leave her allow at her friends house.
Safety reasons, I don't know them , their older siblings, their partner etc.

What do you think will happen to her?
sounds like she's picking up on your -paranoia insecurities about "other people" and only feels safe with you.
You can't really complain about her being clingy when it's your actions making her so...

talknomore · 22/07/2023 14:03

What stod oit for me was your statement with friends I wouldn't put my trust in them
I have feeling that she picks up on your attitude towards others that you appeqr to her the only safe and worth spending time person.
No idea how to change her behaviour from a short description you've provided.
Do yiu know why she stopped playing with toys? No lego or puzzles too?

Herejusttocomment · 22/07/2023 14:04

Dina82 · 22/07/2023 13:56

She has play dates in the sense that her friend and the parent will be present. I wouldn't leave her allow at her friends house.
Safety reasons, I don't know them , their older siblings, their partner etc.

I hope this doesn't offend you but you sound very anxious yourself.
I do understand where you're coming from, depending on where you live, what your community is like, it's probably safer to do what you do. In our community it would be a bit paranoid though (small village community where I see all the other parents all the time walking to school/going to the shop etc.)
If I didn't live here, I'd probably be just as anxious as you though. In the town I lived before this, I was very anxious being out and about after dark and that was before having DD.

Could she be picking up on your anxiety? If she is, it's just something you'll have to put up with if the anxiety is justified.

NotaCFDclue · 22/07/2023 14:09

I’m assuming you’ve had negative experiences at some point in the past, which is why you’re stopping your daughter from play dates without you. (Where I am, it’s standard for children to go on play dates without their parents as soon as they’re old enough to be manage themselves - which is pretty much reception age.). That’s fine, she’s your child and it’s your call based on your experiences. But this is also possibly linked to why she’s so reliant on you. Could you get to know the families of her closest frievds, so that you do start to feel comfortable with play dates without you chaperoning?

Original poster
Dina82 · 22/07/2023 14:09

Dd would happily stay at a friends, she is very sociable. Sorry I've not made that clear. As a mother me and DP wouldn't allow her to stay in the company of others we don't know well. I don't see why this is paranoid.

Do I have to spell it out. I know so many people who have been sexually abused as children. Why would anyone leave a child in the company of somebody they barely know.

I have friends who are strict too. When their child go to parties, they stay as well. It's not a big deal.
Unsure why the conversation has deflected. My main issue was the clinginess at home.

OP posts: