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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hate my child being clingy and talking constantly.

99 replies

Dina82 · 22/07/2023 13:28

Could never admit to this in real life. DD 7 just want to be around me constantly. I work from home and am a homebody.

She is a beautiful girl who I love dearly but she constant wants conversation, won't play on her own, she has stopped playing with toys and loves arts and crafts.

I just wish she would stop being so attached to me. We have days out, reading time, park trips etc but at home she wants to be physically close to me and I just want to zone out it be in my own space.

I've noticed it more as we are back from hosing family for 2 weeks and she was attached by the hip to her aunt. Coming back it's started again. AIBU? I'm truly grateful for her being my daughter and do do extra curricular activities with her, emotionally we talk a lot and out feelings, worries and any concerns she has. I reassure her but on the whole she is confident.

I have no family or friends where I live that she goes to so it's me and her every weekend and holiday. DP and I wouldn't allow it, yes we have play dates but my own family I'm NC and with friends I wouldn't put my trust in them. We are protective. She does activities like Brownies and gymnastics, art class and is very sociable at school.

Whats wrong with me?

OP posts:
Lucyintheskywithadiamond · 22/07/2023 19:09

You have created this situation. Of course she is being clingy, sounds like she only has her own company unless she is at a friends house with you. Please note, most parents when having another kid over don’t expect the whole family to turn up as well.

bakewellbride · 22/07/2023 19:28

I drop my son off at play dates then go and pick him up a couple of hours later and he is 4. Your dd is 7 op - time to let go. You don't always need to be there!

FrenchandSaunders · 22/07/2023 19:51

I understand why you have concerns due to your experiences but when will you allow her to be dropped off somewhere alone … you can’t keep this up.

Original poster
Dina82 · 22/07/2023 21:30

Holly60 · 22/07/2023 17:24

I can understand you being careful but the fact that there is NO ONE you would leave her with (excluding extra curricular) is very unusual.

I think maybe start thinking about someone who you would be willing to leave her with for an hour

DD loves company and wants to be surrounded by others 24/7. That can take the form of play dates, playing with friends outside , speaking to me non stop when I'm the only one there. She gets bored and I say well you have lots to do. She has ample books and games but just wants interaction.

She has NO anxiety and always asks to go to friends houses which we don't really allow unless we are with her due to DP being strict but we do have friends over at ours very often.

We live in a lovely area and she plays outside with friends. I don't hover around her and she pops in and out the house.

I've realised from comments she is an extrovert like DP and I am an introvert. I get overwhelmed constantly engaging with people including DD.

I do have a lovely social circle but am happy with meeting up once a fortnight.

As for my elder child we were the same with him, he is very confident, has a small group of friends who he socialises with and I really encourage it. He is a teenager and DP and I have no qualms he is involved with sports and is less sociable than DD but will meet up with his peers and hang out.

My parenting may not be the norm for mumsnet but I have friends who are exactly the same as me.

Last week I did leave DD at my neighbours house, whose DD is best buddies with mine.
My daughter was over the moon and so happy. This was a one off and I was anxious and uncomfortable, we left her for 45 mins but I do trust the mum, dad and their elder child.

This was an absolute first for me and I had to run it by DP first who shockingly agreed.

I guess as she gets older we will let her free, but very slowly and depending who we really get to know.

The first thing DD asks when I drop her off at her activities is, when can I go!! She has NO confidence issues and when we were away staying with family she was away from me almost the full day at a time and didn't look twice at me on returning.

Just clarifying for those posters that think my decisions have negatively impacted her

Im starting to think the time we had away there was no clinginess and now it's back to reality and she is literally my shadow when all I want is to zone out and be in my own thoughts.

OP posts:
Hibiscrubbed · 22/07/2023 21:33

I really don’t agree that this level of limitation from you and your controlling husband isn’t damaging to her.

Hankunamatata · 22/07/2023 21:39

You both sound very anxious parents. Have you discussed pants rule with dd and body autonomy? It's totally normal for her to want to play in her friends house and she was literally next door.

Hankunamatata · 22/07/2023 21:40

Surely a summer scheme would be perfect as she is so sociable. Perhaps her social needs are not being met by constantly having you their and her other interactions being limited

Hankunamatata · 22/07/2023 21:41

There not their

Thegoodbadandugly · 22/07/2023 21:44

You and your partner are damaging your child's mental health, you both sound controlling this will do untold damage to your children please sort it out.

Original poster
Dina82 · 22/07/2023 21:49

Thegoodbadandugly · 22/07/2023 21:44

You and your partner are damaging your child's mental health, you both sound controlling this will do untold damage to your children please sort it out.

Really??
My daughter is one of the most confident children out of her entire class. Her peers often cry in the line and my daughter tells me not to even enter the playground as she wants to walk and line up herself!!
She is also very popular.

She does ample

socialising with her friends at school, extra curricular activities where we are not around her, on play dates etc. only difference is we stay with her not not attached to her side.
She has lots of friends in the street where she plays for hours at a time.

I take her out and about to libraries, museums, swimming, holiday, park etc.

I think you're trolling and after a reaction which is frankly pathetic.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dina82 · 22/07/2023 21:50

Hibiscrubbed · 22/07/2023 21:33

I really don’t agree that this level of limitation from you and your controlling husband isn’t damaging to her.

I guess a lot of my social circle must be damaging their kids too who hold similar views.

OP posts:
CatsSnore · 22/07/2023 21:51

I think you're being controlled by your husband OP. I'm not saying this to be horrible but it's so far out of reality to have to beg to let your child do activities without a parent present or to have to ask him and persuade him to agree to dd staying with a friend for 45mins. It's not normal. Have you got friends or family you can talk through this to in real life?

Thegoodbadandugly · 22/07/2023 21:53

Dina82 · 22/07/2023 21:49

Really??
My daughter is one of the most confident children out of her entire class. Her peers often cry in the line and my daughter tells me not to even enter the playground as she wants to walk and line up herself!!
She is also very popular.

She does ample

socialising with her friends at school, extra curricular activities where we are not around her, on play dates etc. only difference is we stay with her not not attached to her side.
She has lots of friends in the street where she plays for hours at a time.

I take her out and about to libraries, museums, swimming, holiday, park etc.

I think you're trolling and after a reaction which is frankly pathetic.

Show quote history

Your drip feeding you didn't mention your child playing out in the street till now. Your still unreasonable not allowing your child to go on play dates, do you and your partner stay with your daughter when she has her activities?

Original poster
Dina82 · 22/07/2023 21:53

Hankunamatata · 22/07/2023 21:40

Surely a summer scheme would be perfect as she is so sociable. Perhaps her social needs are not being met by constantly having you their and her other interactions being limited

Children are allowed to bored during the holidays. We have just come back from a long holiday abroad.

DD would not be complaining of boredom if she got her own way and was on the tablet and watching TV every day non- stop. I limit it which contributes to her incessant winging and boredom. Today was just a difficult day, I'm hormonal and normally she isnt like this.

Her friends were among home today

OP posts:
GraysPapaya · 22/07/2023 21:56

You came here for what, advice? Which you’re not listening to. Your world view is restricting your daughter and may have an impact on how she’s behaving, which is in turn, irritating you.

Original poster
Dina82 · 22/07/2023 21:56

'Not home today she so was lovely and bored'. Sorry I'm relatively new to MN and not sure how to edit.

As for drip feeding, my apologies, yes she is always out and about the garden and local small park playing with her lovely friends. One not so lovely but hey DD can learn from it.

OP posts:
WimpoleHat · 22/07/2023 21:58

Do I have to spell it out. I know so many people who have been sexually abused as children. Why would anyone leave a child in the company of somebody they barely know.

You have a very skewed perception of risk. Statistically, children are vastly more at risk of abuse from people that they do know. And the category of “somebody they barely know” is pretty meaningless in this context. There’s a vast difference between “random man I sat next to on the Tube” and “the father of my daughter’s best friend from school”. Would be very odd to leave your child with the former - but, equally, odd to be worried about the latter (without any particular reason to be so - eg he’s a known alcoholic or something).

Thegoodbadandugly · 22/07/2023 21:59

Dina82 · 22/07/2023 21:56

'Not home today she so was lovely and bored'. Sorry I'm relatively new to MN and not sure how to edit.

As for drip feeding, my apologies, yes she is always out and about the garden and local small park playing with her lovely friends. One not so lovely but hey DD can learn from it.

Does she go to the play park on her own without one of you there?

Jibo · 22/07/2023 22:00

Dina82 · 22/07/2023 21:49

Really??
My daughter is one of the most confident children out of her entire class. Her peers often cry in the line and my daughter tells me not to even enter the playground as she wants to walk and line up herself!!
She is also very popular.

She does ample

socialising with her friends at school, extra curricular activities where we are not around her, on play dates etc. only difference is we stay with her not not attached to her side.
She has lots of friends in the street where she plays for hours at a time.

I take her out and about to libraries, museums, swimming, holiday, park etc.

I think you're trolling and after a reaction which is frankly pathetic.

Show quote history

How rude to call @Thegoodbadandugly a troll - I agree with everything she said. Why did you post if you can't cope with feedback? You and your husband sound smothering, controlling and just plain mental. I feel sorry for your daughter.

Original poster
Dina82 · 22/07/2023 22:01

CatsSnore · 22/07/2023 21:51

I think you're being controlled by your husband OP. I'm not saying this to be horrible but it's so far out of reality to have to beg to let your child do activities without a parent present or to have to ask him and persuade him to agree to dd staying with a friend for 45mins. It's not normal. Have you got friends or family you can talk through this to in real life?

I have thought about this. Yes it's controlling but what can I do?
I fought and persevered for DD to attend her extra curricular classes. It's not been easy. It was mainly for her social skills and I felt she was missing out.

OP posts:
Zarah123 · 22/07/2023 22:01

I think she’s clingy because of the strict environment she’s in.

I’m a second generation immigrant from a conservative Asian family but you sound so much stricter than my parents ever were.

Lira715 · 22/07/2023 22:02

My DD was the same when she was younger, she literally never stopped talking to me, I was a single parent during lock down and thought I was losing my mind as I’d still hear her talking when she was asleep 😂 she’s 7 now and has lots of play dates and loves spending time on her own too. maybe your past experiences have influenced your decisions regarding play dates… you said you have them with the other parent present so you must have got to know them enough to allow her to go on her own with them for a few hours? I feel if you could try to relax a little with the play dates you will get a few hours” off” and she will enjoy time away from you and not be so clingy. As she gets older this level of distrust in other people and insistence of you being there when she sees her friends will be embarrassing possibly damaging for her.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 22/07/2023 22:02

My Ds (9) is a lot like this - talking to me constantly, following me around etc. Unless he’s watching tv.

He can get into a game and when he’s into it can get really lost in his toys but it takes a bit for him to get into it- well the toys need to be out where he can see them, he won’t get anything out iyswim

He is an absolute natter box and I’m like you - I want to zone out some of the time!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 22/07/2023 22:02

We do have play dates of course but not constantly!

Original poster
Dina82 · 22/07/2023 22:04

Zarah123 · 22/07/2023 22:01

I think she’s clingy because of the strict environment she’s in.

I’m a second generation immigrant from a conservative Asian family but you sound so much stricter than my parents ever were.

We won't be like this forever. I don't see the big deal in not allowing her to go to friends houses or birthday parties unattended.
Better be safe than sorry.

As much as the posters would like me to believe, DD is very happy and confident but just craves constant interaction.

OP posts: