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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - child in white dress a wedding

94 replies

sweetdevil90 · 21/07/2023 23:26

So obviously it's a no-no for a grown up to wear a white dress as a wedding guest, but would I be unreasonable to put my 5 year old in a white dress for a wedding?
It's not too frilly or fussy, and she really wants to wear it. Would it be a massive Faux pas, or can a 5 year old get away with it?

OP posts:
PonyPatter44 · 21/07/2023 23:27

Not a faux pas at all. Of course its fine for a 5 year old. I'm sure she will look adorable.

MillicentBystandr · 21/07/2023 23:28

I think it would be fine. I would pop a bright colour cardigan on top with matching shoes and hair ribbon.

electriclight · 21/07/2023 23:28

I reckon a 5yo can get away with this as long as she doesn't look anything like a bridesmaid.

MichelleScarn · 21/07/2023 23:28

Is it flower girly? Would she wear it with a coloured card,.sash etc?
.

Shurleyknot · 21/07/2023 23:29

I would not. Do you know what the flower girls will be wearing? You do not want to try insert your child as a stealth one.

DontHaveAnyAnswers · 21/07/2023 23:30

Can’t see what the issue would be. Unless it’s a bridesmaid dress.

Ellie1015 · 21/07/2023 23:30

So long as not a flower girl style. And i would probably add a coloured cardigan just in case.

TomatoSandwiches · 21/07/2023 23:31

I th8nk in general it would be fine for a 5yr old but just send a pic of the dress to the bride so she can give her opinion, it may be similar to flower girls or bridesmaids dress.

5foot5 · 21/07/2023 23:34

I can't imagine putting a five year old in a white dress anywhere TBH. If she is anything like my DD was at that age you will take your eyes off her for a nanosecond and next time you look it will be smudged with chocolate or biro or mud or grass stain or something.

Original poster
sweetdevil90 · 21/07/2023 23:38

Thanks, think with a bright cardigan is a good shout. And yes think I might message the bride just to check, she's pretty laid back can't imagine it fazing her tbh.

OP posts:
takealettermsjones · 21/07/2023 23:39

If I saw a child in white at a wedding I would assume they were in the wedding party.

Original poster
sweetdevil90 · 21/07/2023 23:41

5foot5 · 21/07/2023 23:34

I can't imagine putting a five year old in a white dress anywhere TBH. If she is anything like my DD was at that age you will take your eyes off her for a nanosecond and next time you look it will be smudged with chocolate or biro or mud or grass stain or something.

Yeah I hear you! It'll deffo get grubby. I didn't buy it, it was a gift, she's had it ages and thought I'd save it for a special occasion, as likely to only be able to be worn the once as it'll probably get stained!

OP posts:
Bumcake · 21/07/2023 23:43

takealettermsjones · 21/07/2023 23:39

If I saw a child in white at a wedding I would assume they were in the wedding party.

Why would you being mistaken matter though?

Let her wear it if she wants to, I bet she’ll look lovely.

JenniferBarkley · 21/07/2023 23:47

I wouldn't, for stealth flower girl reasons. Even if the bride is relaxed I wouldn't want anyone else thinking that's why I did it. Especially if you're close family and she, for example, a niece of the bride or groom so people might be more inclined to think you were pissed off she wasn't asked.

Spanglybangles · 21/07/2023 23:49

Jesus, we’re talking about a 5 year old…hardly gonna be mistaken for the bride!!! And if flower girl(s) are wearing similar, who cares. It’s a small child. I just can’t get behind the nonsense around white at a wedding, unless a guest is dressed in bridal attire of course. But in this instance, it’s a 5 year old. Dress her any way you like!!

PollyPut · 21/07/2023 23:49

No - too similar to a flower girl outfit.

SarahAndQuack · 21/07/2023 23:50

Sounds like a perfect occasion for it.

DappledThings · 21/07/2023 23:52

There was a 5 year old in a white dress at my wedding. Never crossed my mind anyone would think she was a bridesmaid or even if they did that it would matter one iota.

If her parents had messaged me to ask permission before I would have been baffled as to why they were asking. Although would have politely said if was of course fine.

2chocolateoranges · 21/07/2023 23:54

Dd wore a white dress to a wedding once. It was nothing like a flower girl dress. It was lacy and above her knee. She wore it with a royal blue cardi and white sandals.

I never even thought not to have her wear it. She was 7 and picked the dress herself.

TheSmallAssassin · 22/07/2023 00:07

Honestly, nobody in real life/with a real life would bat an eyelid at this. I would let your daughter wear her dress.

takealettermsjones · 22/07/2023 00:13

Bumcake · 21/07/2023 23:43

Why would you being mistaken matter though?

Let her wear it if she wants to, I bet she’ll look lovely.

Show quote history

Not saying it would necessarily 🤷🏻‍♀️ I'm just saying that some people might assume she's in the wedding party. The OP knows the bride and we don't; if the bride is that type, she could be bothered by that. It's up to the OP whether, in turn, she minds that the bride minds!

Of course there are lots of coulds and mights in there... It might equally be fine. And yes I am absolutely sure the little girl will look lovely.

Clymene · 22/07/2023 00:16

Honestly does it really matter if someone thinks a 5 year old is in the 'wedding party'? I mean the photographer may need to know for formal photos but otherwise it's just a bizarre thing for anyone to fret about.

HelpIcantfindaname · 22/07/2023 10:25

When my DD was a toddler she wore the same white frilly dress to 2 weddings. Someone had given it to us. It would never have been worn if she hadn't worn it to the weddings. She looked adorable & no-one thought she was part of the wedding parties. At one wedding twins of a similar age wore very similar white dresses too. I think it's fine for a 5yr old.

Seasideanticscanleadtosandybuckets · 22/07/2023 10:27

Better than fuchsia pink..
The colour of choice of a friend who brought her 2 x dd's to my dc free wedding. Her pink dd is like Where's bloody Wally at the side of every photo.... Not still miffed after 8 years honestly..

JenniferBarkley · 22/07/2023 10:35

Seasideanticscanleadtosandybuckets · 22/07/2023 10:27

Better than fuchsia pink..
The colour of choice of a friend who brought her 2 x dd's to my dc free wedding. Her pink dd is like Where's bloody Wally at the side of every photo.... Not still miffed after 8 years honestly..

Oh come on. Uninvited guests are not ok, but small children in a fuchsia dress (or anyone, indeed) is absolutely fine.