Text message bereavement?

[Yoyo2021]

Hi,

I feel so embarrassed.

A colleague who was my mentor and at some points my manager recenrally passed away from cancer.

It took me by shock I really thought they would pull through. Such a role model to me in my life and so supportive through so much hardship I have faced.

Even when it got quite bad we would message everyday. Even the day before they passed away.

I miss them so much! I had a big trip coming up with work and they were so excited for me and determined to meet me on the return journey sadly it never happened!

So when I did do that trip three months after they had passed. I sent a picture of a landmark from where I had visited and told them I had a little cry as I wish I could tell them about my day and miss there guidance. That I was doing well and I met so many people that knew them it was a great comfort! I ended saying I will never forget them!

Today at work I got a phone call from a
Manager in a office within my organisation in anothecity the manager said they went for lunch with there sister and some other colleagues and that the sister had logged on for the first time in four months and told them that they had found the message very strange and a bit odd!

I asked what they meant by strange and said well they decided not to reply but it caused a lot of upset.

I felt so embarrassed. I really hope there wasnt anyone else that has seen this message that works in my organisation or feels that I'm weird!

Was I wrong to have done this. What should I say if anyone else brings this up? I said sorry!

Perhaps I am strange?

Please let me know if I was unreasonable sending this message.

The message was sent to your friend, not to her sister. I doubt you anticipated anyone else would ever see it. It was a lovely thing to have done and there was no need to mention it to you or make you feel this way about it.

From what I can gather, OP sent it to their late colleague’s social media account as they mentioned the sister logged into something? I wouldn’t have expected anyone else to read that message either. If the sister logged in, she must have been looking for something to read.

I get it OP, totally. I used to call my Nana after she died just to hear her voicemail message, broke my heart again when her number was disconnected.

Don't be embarrassed. My best friend died in a motorbike accident last year and I occasionally send messages to his WhatsApp. It's my way to keep his memory alive .

^ NOT odd I meant!

Yanbu it shows how much you appreciated their wisdom and help. The messages were not meant for anyone else.

Hi @Yoyo2021 bless you, you haven't done anything wrong hun.
I think it's so thoughtful to have sent what you did xx

It's isn't. Stop being so tiresome, the OP is braved FFS

I don't think it's strange at all OP, it's not different to people who still write on the Facebook walls of people that they lost, or tag their profiles in posts. I'm sorry for your loss

And I meant bereaved*, not braved

That would involve us making assumptions about OP's sex and sexuality though.

Anyway OP. Yes they might have been a bit weirded out by it but I don't think you did anything wrong. It was you're way of dealing with it.

It is I don't know who the "they" is that found it weird? The sister? Both of them?

Sorry I’m confused.

where did you send the message? Was it a work email? Or a personal account of some sort?

why was the sister having lunch with work colleagues and logging on to a dead persons account?

I think it’s entirely normal o/p so I wouldn’t be embarrassed. In any case is sending that message any more weird than work colleagues lunching with sisters, and sisters logging into account’s.

if anyone says anything the message was never intended to be read and you didn’t think anyone would be accessing someone’s private accounts.

You've not done anything wrong, after four months I'm wondering why the account is still active?

Please don’t be embarrassed. It is sad this is how it turned out but I really do feel what you did is entirely ‘normal’ in terms of a grief outlet. But if their family find it uncomfortable maybe just save it to notes in your phone. So sorry for your loss.

I occasionally text my dad….who’s been dead for nearly 10 years. It brings a tiny bit of comfort. YNBU

I Facebook message my friend who passed away, makes no sense really. They won’t read it but it gives me comfort and I feel connected to them.

my condolences to you xxc

I don’t think it was strange at all. You felt a connection to your late friend and didn’t anticipate anyone reading it. Anyone that thinks it peculiar is peculiar!

I still send the odd message to my best friend who passed last year. There is NOTHING to be embarrassed or ashamed about. I’m sorry for your loss.

When my DM passed, it took me a couple of weeks to cut the phone line off. A few people and still sent her messages about how much they missed/ loved her etc. It didn't upset me.

It's no different from ringing someone's voicemail to hear their voice again.
Just ignore them. Just because they don't understand it doesn't mean it was wrong.

I don’t really understand why the sister logged into the WhatsApp. And I don’t think what you did was hugely odd.

i woldnt think it was odd at all-it wasnt meant for them anyway

My friend died 8 years ago. Her account is still active.

Odd reaction from them. You did nothing wrong. Personally I think they are grieving and emotions are all over the place.
I am sorry for your loss x

You didn't do anything wrong, I think this sort of thing is really common. She may be jumping to conclusions about the nature of your relationship though. If it makes you feel better you could always message one last time, to apologise and say it wasn't your intention to cause any upset, explain the reason that you sent the message and say you won't send any further messages, if they don't want you to.