Husband and tea

[ata345]

Big row with DH was I unreasonable....

I always make dinner and usually cook from scratch. I made dinner dished it up and called DH to say it was ready.

DH is upstairs playing xbox.

He doesn't come so I call again and again he doesn't come. I'm getting annoyed now so call and say it is on the table ready and to come down.

He comes all sweary and angry saying I treat him like a little boy or dog saying he should come down for dinner. I told him it is disrespectful and rude not to come down when someone has made you tea and you're just playing xbox.

Who is in the wrong!?

Call him once, and if he doesn't reply just leave it in the oven/microwave or fridge. He sounds a right knob, and he's lucky you bother cooking for him! If my DH was rude to me like this, he'd be cooking his own meals!

😂😂 If you say so darling....
I'd typed a long reply but this is so funny I don't even know where to begin... 'athleticism and tradition', eh? You do you.

It's 100% true, you know it's 100% true and you have no answer to it.

It doesn't matter what he's doing -that's a distraction. He could be saving starving orphans or writing the next Pulitzer Prize winner. He knows what time dinner is but he ignores being called then gets "sweary and angry" with the person who has cooked for him. This is rude, disrespectful and unacceptable.

I'm the one cooking and DP's engrossed in something I'll generally say 'I reckon tea will be ready at about [whatever time]' so he can plan to start winding down whatever he's doing. He does the same for me if he's cooking. It's not always easy to stop dead when you're right in the middle of something like a video game or if you're four minutes from the end of a film or three pages from the end of your book or something.

On the face of it, it sounds like your DH was being a twat, but I suppose it depends how long you left it between calling him.

If it went like this:

"Tea's ready."
"OK, down in a sec."
[one minute elapses]
"I said tea's ready."
"I know, just finishing this last bit of the game, won't be a minute."
[30 seconds later]
"Come down NOW please and eat your meal, or I shall count to ten'

then I'd say you were probably infantilising him a little bit.

But if it was more like:

"Tea's ready."
"OK."
[five minutes elapse]
"It's on the table!"
"Yes."
[another five minutes elapses]
"Look, do you want this or not because it's getting cold."

then YANBU and he's being a tit.

It's not very grown up to play with little toy soldiers.

According to who, exactly?

My DH does all the cooking and he usually gives me a shout to say ‘nearly ready’ and I start stopping whatever I’m doing (not Xbox although I do play Xbox 😂) and making my way to the kitchen ready for dishing up. I’d get one shout of ‘tea’s out’ and then he’d leave it on the side to get cold, rightly so! This never happens though as I’m always starving.

It’s disrespectful to behave how he is.

My teenage DS used to behave like this until he learn how rude it was.
I think your DH missed something in his upbringing.

According to the norms of western society.

I don't understand why there are comments criticizing DH playing on Xbox. It seems like a hobby like any other. It doesn't hurt (as long as you don't shirk your responsibilities). Although in this case, your DH is being very childish, for lack of a better word.

I am tempted to say stop cooking for him, but as you say he does his share of housework, I would just text him that dinner is ready and then it's up to him if he wants to let it get cold. Don't chase him to eat, freshly cooked meal each is a privilege that he needs to appreciate.

Yep, which is why it's a billion dollar industry worldwide - because it's really unpopular 😂

YABU, for me.

I think if the activity was something other than gaming, most people would think similarly but (as has been made fairly plain), a lot of posters have a chip on their shoulder that is specific to gaming.

If I make a meal, and DP is wrapped up in any activity that they cannot or don’t want to immediately step away from, then they can eat it when they’re ready. They are not a child and are perfectly entitled to decide when they do or don’t want to eat.

If, for whatever reason, it is particularly important that we eat as soon as food is ready, I’d let them know ahead of time when it was likely to be ready, rather than shouting to demand their presence the moment I’m done.

He was rude but you continued to call him. Once is enough, twice at a push. I dated a gamer. If he was gaming I'd give him 5/10 mins notice. You can't just 'stop' a game....but if he didn't come down I'd just leave it on the plate. If this happens regularly though I'd probably ask 'are you gaming tonight?' and if he says yes, make my own meal.
I don't know what 'tone of voice' he used but he really ought not lie (yes coming Hun, I'll be 5mins) or be nasty. You in turn should not have insisted he eat when you say...

there is also a counter argument that he doesn't actually care if he gets a cooked from scracht meal
or just microwaved a ready meal when he was done. I know i am not fussed either way which i have most days - so anyone being all Matryish about "i cooked this from scratch" - well i assume they wanted to do that and enjoyed it. but I'd have been more than fine with something else i made myself.

(i do politely say thanks for whatever it is of course but either of us could say - i just want to game all night, okay if you just sort yourself and thats fine - obviously no small kids involved either)

there is also a counter argument that he doesn't actually care if he gets a cooked from scratch meal

I was going to say this too.

Personally, I can't be arsed with cooking from scratch and wouldn't really see it as a big "act of love" to have a meal cooked for me. I kind of get the impression that cooking a nice meal is lots of people's "love language" but the flip side is that lots of us don't really care.

That said, I would obviously say thank you if someone cooked for me but I don't see it as the big deal lots of others seem to.

Its disrespectful.

If someone cooks you a meal, you go and eat it when they let you know its ready.

My teenage son does this. And thats because of a bloody xbox. Really gets me, its so bloody rude. He is finally starting to realise (or care more like, he must of realised before!) and at least now comes down within a minute or 2 max. I'm hoping he grows out of it and won't give such disrespect to his future wife when she cooks him a meal! I'm working on it!

If someone cooks you a meal, you go and eat it when they let you know its ready.
Why cook a meal, wit

Oops, posted too soon.

Why cook a meal which must be immediately consumed when ready without checking if the person you’re cooking for wants to eat it at that time?

Could he play a really good immersive game called making the dinner?

What's that got to do with it being childish? All kinds of childish things are massively popular.