Husband and tea

[ata345]

Big row with DH was I unreasonable....

I always make dinner and usually cook from scratch. I made dinner dished it up and called DH to say it was ready.

DH is upstairs playing xbox.

He doesn't come so I call again and again he doesn't come. I'm getting annoyed now so call and say it is on the table ready and to come down.

He comes all sweary and angry saying I treat him like a little boy or dog saying he should come down for dinner. I told him it is disrespectful and rude not to come down when someone has made you tea and you're just playing xbox.

Who is in the wrong!?

What if it was chess? 🤔

Of course it’s reasonable for an adult. Unless dinner is always the same time. Imagine stayibg somewhere with meals cooked for but knowing only it’ll be sometime between 6 and 7.30, but you have to drop everything and rush down when it arrives, else it’ll be thrown in the bin.

But surely it's more reasonable in that scenario to say, "hey, wife who cooks every single meal for me without so much as a complaint, I'd like to go and play an online game for 20 minutes (rather than come into the kitchen and help, or set the table, or even just talk to you), will I have time before the meal is ready, or should I wait until later? Thanks for cooking again, by the way!" 😂

My 15 year old who is usually on the xbox when i call him for dinner always comes down as soon as ive called him. There have been a handful of times i've called a couple of times and its taken him a few mins to come down as he just needed to finish an 'important match' but this is very rare and he doesn't come down and be rude to me for calling him, he knows better than that or he'll be cooking for himself!
I would call your DH for dinner, ensuring that he has heard you and then let him choose when he comes, if its gone cold then that's on him, simples.

I do think if dinner is served at the same time you should know as a grown adult!
I WFH and have evening meetings so dinner appears from anywhere between 6 - 9.... I can't expect H to twiddle his thumbs for 3 hours 🤣

If it was served at roughly the same time it's not hard to estimate.

Anyone who feels like they are being forced to eat when they aren't ready, or doesn't see why they should stop what they are doing and eat with the person who cooks their dinner every day, is free to make their own!

OMG is he 12?

My DH used to do this when watching TV, so I started calling once then left it to go cold.
Only happened twice before he saw the error of his ways.

This works for my TEENAGE sons. I wouldn't expect to micromanage an adult that way.

OP just cook your own dinner and let him sort himself out.

Mine plays Xbox as soon as finishes work. For at least 45 mins. I’m in the kitchen cooking.

Disclaimer: I then do nowt after we’ve eaten, he clears everything, washes up, does the cats, bins, other jobs and brings me a brew.

I'm not sure the problem is his rudeness and childishness - though that is an issue - as the fact that he's happy to focus on his gaming instead of helping you.

I would feel micro managed in his position. Leave him to it and do your own thing.

Him

takealettermsjones · Today 10:49
MrsSkylerWhite · Today 10:40

Any adult male who spends his evenings playing games is unreasonable, full stop.
What if it was chess? 🤔

Every evening with someone other than his partner? Equally unreasonable.

It all depends on the norms in your house. We don’t have a set time for tea - it’s whenever it gets cooked and it can vary between 6.15 and 8pm on a weeknight, typically. Could be either of us cooking it. So we always holler round to everyone else in the house with an “tea will be ready in x minutes” warning to give everyone a chance to finish up what they’re doing - kids on homework, me or DH on whatever we’re doing for jobs if WFH, hanging up the laundry, playing online chess, on Xbox, ps4, or just flopping around. It’s not micromanaging - it’s letting people know relevant info so they can plan.

If we always ate at 6.30 on the dot then we’d expect people to know and to make sure they’re free then.

He’s the tw-t definitely!

He’s being treated like a child because he’s acting like a child playing games rather than being respectful and coming to eat with you when you’ve put in lots of effort cooking for him. It’s extremely rude of him and I wouldn’t be cooking for him anymore if he continues.

Why is video gaming seen as a children/teenager hobby?

Because it is.

I mean, of course, adults play video games. Video games are expensive. Many video games are adult- (well, adolescent-) themed - (violent or sexualised). Yeah, yeah, we get it.

But it's still sitting down playing with a toy. Which is primarily a childish activity. Just like Lego and D&D and Warhammer.

Feel free to embrace your inner child by doing any or all of these things, but don't pretend you don't know why anyone would think it was childish.

I have a 15 year old who did this (although I find it incredible a fully grown man acts like this). Anyway, they can get a ban for 24 hours if they leave a game early depending on what they are playing.
Rule in our house is I shout up 20 mins before its ready to tell them, if, when it is ready, they are dicking around, I trun off the wifi. Mainly because im sick of the attitude around it.
Now, seems excessive for an adult and I would go mental over the comment about treating him like a child, in fact I would spit my dummy out and only cook for myself for the next few days and when asked about it mention not being his mother. However, I am petty like that

There's also a moral code.

It's seen as morally good by a lot of people to be reading a book, or out on a bike. Watching tv seems to be neutral. Gaming? Worst. Thing. Ever. You might as well be married to Charles Manson.

@ata345 I have Alexa's in most rooms, I'll do a dinner time call five mins before and then again when dishing up. They can eat it cold if they come after that.

YANBU to be upset at his attitude about it.

I find the lack of logical baffling, especially from people like Master Beth.
Video games are basically point and click, then watch things on a screen. It's basically watching TV with added steps, so how is it playing with toys? Why is watching TV not childish but video games are?
Also if toys are childish... What makes Warhammer and board games childish but not sports which also involve implements like badminton and archery? They're similar, no?

It would make sense for the gaming selfish twats to be in the same category as the husband's fucking off to cycle, play football or whatever from a selfish POV but gaming = bad.

YANBU

I'd call up twice and then leave it in the microwave.

I shall ignore that I would properly lose my shit, I'd expect that behaviour from children not the person I had chosen to spend my life with. What a life!

Call him once, if he doesn't come down leave it to go cold.

Video games aren't mostly point and click. They are mostly immersive "pretend to be" a soldier/racing river/football manager/assassin etc etc. Like when children play make believe.

[quote]What makes Warhammer and board games childish but not sports which also involve implements like badminton and archery?[/quote]

Athleticism and tradition.

It's not very grown up to play with little toy soldiers.

gaming is not the problem . It is the manchild attitude that SOME men (and some women!) have when they get really wrapped up . My husband is 55 and we are retired in a country abroad. Our two sons ask him to go online and play a couple times a week. All it takes in a respectful relationship is communication. Him.. hey sweetheart, the boys have texted me and want to play online tonight. Me. Ok what time? Him.. maybe around 6. Me Ok (I am the only cook in our family for damn good reasons lol) So. Are you coming out to the table for dinner or should I not bother with dinner and just make a toastie that you can eat in there. Him...toastie please and maybe a cup of tea? Leave the dishes I will do when done. Me .. ok. have fun (Puts feet up on our balcony with a lovely cold glass of pinot grigio and watches palm trees sway!) lol. it is all about COMMUNICATION and RESPECT. Nothing wrong with a grown ass man at home playing games online. Could be worse.. he could be down the pub drinking and hanging out with friends, coming home drunk and not helping. THAT is a manchild (or womanchild) Not a person having fun in their own home as long as they respect and communicate. If he did not tell me that he was going to be online thru dinner and I cooked a hot meal and he ignored .. I would be royally pissed. I raised kids like most of you and barely got a warm never mind HOT meal when the kids were young. Now. HOT is important and if I sit there eating a hot meal with his plate going cold beside me while I eat ALONE.. well I won't want that meal to go to waste and I don't want to eat alone soooooo.... lol